What constitutes as harrassment?

[WhoTookTheCookie]

I've had 20 missed calls in the space of an hour from a 'No Caller ID' number.

It's my ex. I know it is.

Does this constitute as harrassment? If I were to ring the police would they actually do anything?
I'm getting quite frustrated at the sheer volume of calls, every time I check my phone there seems to be one more.

Changing my number is an option, but I'd prefer that to be a last resort due to everyone being able to contact this number (therapist, hospital, doctors, nursery etc..)

It's starting to play with my mental health a bit, to the point where I am hyper vigilant to any noises outside my home (including car doors shutting) in case it's him back to cause trouble.

Thank you.

Can you not simply get a call blocker? If it's a mobile phone number then there are apps and options to stop unknown calls. If it's a landline then you could buy something like the BT or Panasonic handsets where you can block unknown numbers, and even only have it ring from known numbers using the VIP call features etc. You can also ask BT to screen all calls, whereby they effectively go via the operator and you agree or disagree to taking the call. I think there's a cost with that, but usually if it's as a result of harassment BT will provide the service for a period free of charge.

If you think that it would help you may want to instruct a solicitor to send him a cease a desist warning letter whereby they will set out that if the harassment continues then you will seek a court order whereby if they breach the court order it moves the matter from a civil offence to criminal which may include prison time. They will also warn that you will seek costs too. The cost of such a letter shouldn't run more than £150/£200.

What you need to consider is whether it is worth riling your ex up. Is it possible that he will simply escalate? Would a warning from the police be enough perhaps? Some forces will be proactive and go and speak with him, but then at the current time there's no actual proof that he's done these calls.

@KatieMarieJ Thank you for your prompt reply.

I honestly don't know what's best to do. I've downloaded a variety of blocker apps but they only seem to work when the number isn't masked.
I've also put my phone on the 'Do Not Disturb' setting allowing certain contacts only to get through, but it doesn't stop the constant notifications.
Thankfully I don't have a landline.

It's making me ill quite frankly. My anxiety is back with full force, I'm on medication for it anyway but the dose isn't anywhere near working anymore and the constant feeling of panic is unbearable.
I hate that he's doing this to me.
Apparently I 'owe' him a conversation. Which is just another aspect of the control.

I will look into the solicitors letter, I'm not sure whether police would agitate the situation further, his job requires a high security clearance and any mark on his record could end up with him losing his career.
That then will come back on me.

I'm too old for all this to be happening. I've had an incredible flare up of my arthritis and I'm sure this situation is the cause.
I'm even struggling at work due to the manifesting anxiety that he will turn up at my department.
Luckily my boss realised something was off and has offered me some extra support (my targets are slipping due to my mind being elsewhere.)

Surely there must be an easy fix.

Please change your number. It will take you an hour at most to notify the relevant people of your new number. Little hassle to resolve so much stress.

(And no, you shouldn't have to change your number, but it's the simplest solution to stop the calls.)

@Bombardier25966 I think that may be my main option.
On reflection, it's easy and ends the problem immediately.

I'm just so grateful that my mind is in a half decent place at the moment. A year ago and this situation would've broken me.

Take screenshots and change your number.
The police have always been helpful when I've been harassed, but they had a phone number to work with.
Does your ex have previous for doing this?
Personally, I would report it, at least you can get your concerns documented.

@finnmcool
Not previous per se.

Last time I had contact like this from him it was messages mainly.
I 'logged' it with 101 and spoke to officers but after that it calmed down.
That was about 4 months ago and it knocked me for six.

I was just managing to get my strength back and he's started again. It's utterly ridiculous.
We are both old grown adults (or so I thought.)

Ok, 4 months isn't long. I would definitely log it in that case.
Some 'men' never grow up and get a grip of themselves.
Don't give this arsehole any power over you.
What can you do to make yourself feel better and safe?
Ok, how would you go about teflon coating yourself?
Let his pathetic, needy, bullshit wash straight over you.
I would call him a cunt, but he clearly doesn't have the warmth or depth to be one!

@finnmcool I think it's the superiority complex with him.
He genuinely believes that if he wants to speak to you, you have to contact him immediately. If you don't, the harassment starts.

I've never met anyone like it in my life. When we were together it was constant.
I remember having a nap once and waking up to 12 missed calls. In that time he'd also attempted to contact my DF and my 2 close friends because I wasn't answering the phone.
I was asleep for under an hour.

I don't know what I can do I really want to be a strong person who doesn't give a shit and can manage to laugh it off but it's so tough - although I would never let him see that.

I do like what you've said about him being a cunt though

You can block calls in Iphone settings.