Mum's of donor babies/single parents of young children with no support - how do you manage financially?

[worrier888]

I am mid-thirties, long term single and starting to think about whether, if I don’t meet anyone in the next few years, I would rather be childless or try and have a baby on my own.

I’m only really just starting to consider this seriously so I've got a lot of things to consider but was first thinking of practicalities and whether I could actually afford to do this.

How do people manage? Do you go back to work and pay for full time childcare? Is a nanny the only option and if so how much would that cost in the south of England (not South East)? Or do people save like crazy and stop working for a while?

I have quite a good salary (around 50k) and an average size mortgage but still struggling to work out how I could do it. Full time nursery seems the most achievable financially but I work quite long hours and sometimes travel (not overnight) so what happens when they start school?

Unfortunately part time roles paying 25k don’t seem to exist for my job it tends to be a full time or nothing role

Not asking for specific numbers (unless you’re happy to share) just after some stories of how people make this work

Anyone?

Sorry, I can’t help with either. But I wish you luck

I’m a health professional and lone parent with very little support.
It won’t help you OP, but I was able to work part time, 3 full days a week as my mortgage is low. I just cut down on everything and made it work. I was entitled to 15 hours free childcare but DS’s nursery was quite expensive so it paid for a day. It still helped though!
You should be entitled to at least 15 hours so look into that.
It gets much easier when they start school. DS attends breakfast club and after school club (although not all schools have these)
I’m increasing my hours now he’s older.

You could look at a nanny or au pair perhaps?
I just muddled through really. You’ll find a way!

I worked two jobs for years to save as much as possible, drove an old car, had cheap holidays and paid off a lot of my mortgage. I bought a house in a cheaper area but safe, family friendly and with good schools.

Saved enough to get me through my maternity leave , as only 6 weeks was paid.

Once you have a baby you are entitled to ask to go part time. Your employer can only refuse for business related reasons. Not many jobs actually require 40 hours a week minimum.

You won’t get anywhere looking for a decent well paid part time job from scratch.

I adopted as a single person. I know that's not your plan but the financial impact is probably similar - apart from with adoption you have to commit to 12 months off work, so you don't get to choose to go back sooner.

Short version: save hard ahead of baby/child, be prepared for all your plans to go to shit when reality hits , do everything you can to build a support network around you (people you can ring for a chat, call for an emergency calpol delivery, babysit if you need to go to the GP yourself, etc). If your career really doesn't allow for any flexibility, I think I would seriously consider if there were any viable alternatives even if it meant re-training. At best, you're going to be exhausted otherwise, and at worst you're going to be hugely stressed out whenever the child is too sick for nursery (which happens a lot) or you have a school meeting at short notice etc. I work school hours now, but all year. School holidays are a huge strain to try and cover. The most important thing about my work is how flexible it is - I will probably never leave, despite a tricky journey, as I know I wouldn't find that elsewhere.

Thank you

I ruled it out as i've never seen a part time position for my job advertised but I guess it's something I could discuss with my employer if decide to go further with this

You can make a request for flexible working at any time - you don’t need a child to make that request.

Could maybe ask to test the water to see if your employer would consider part time or a more flexible arrangement that would suit you when you do have a child?

Actually I wouldn’t ask now, or you will get put on the mummy career track now. Which woudo be daft if you don’t even go on to have a child.

www.gov.uk/flexible-working