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Original poster

I'm too weedy for AIBU but would you expect a brief thank-you message for this?

22 replies

JessiCake · 15/11/2018 11:31

DD had friend over to play day before yesterday. I picked them up, brought them back to ours, gave them tea, dropped her back later about a 20-min drive away at her auntie's. Didn't see the mum as mum was working (as I knew) but did have a message from the mum about halfway through the playdate saying (politely enough) that I needed to make sure her DD was dropped back by a certain time (which I did.)

I've not had a brief thank-you text from the mum to say thanks or anything.

Would you send a text? I only mean about 6/7 words - X had fab time thanks so much x

It's not a long-standing friend, it's a new friendship so there's not that familiarity there of us trading back-and-forth playdates and just therefore letting the thank-yous drop.

Little girl absolutely delightful and I would have her over any time, even if I never had one word of thanks.

I know everyone is v busy and it wasn't some huge favour I was doing her, far from it as they played nicely and all was great.

I just wondered whether you lot would always send a hasty text in that situation, or if you'd deem it totally unneccessary?

OP posts:
Original poster
JessiCake · 15/11/2018 11:33

Gawd, there's always the possibility, as I read that back, that maybe her DD had a terrible time Shock

Though she seemed to be having fab time and didn't want to leave...

Doubting our hosting skills now!!!

OP posts:
BevBrook · 15/11/2018 11:34

I don't think I would expect a text in those circumstances, nor would I send one. I assume it wasn't that she asked you to look after her daughter, it was a play date you had suggested? If I was around at drop off or picked her up, I expect I would say thank you for having her but I wouldn't think to send a text.

cjt110 · 15/11/2018 11:34

I would send one if it had been me. It's just courtesy and manners.

KristinaM · 15/11/2018 11:35

Yes I would have sent a text. Especially as you did a 40 min round trip to drop off her DD.

Original poster
JessiCake · 15/11/2018 11:36

OK, thanks both! Different views. I'm a chronic over-thanker myself, it probably pisses people off the other way around. Not that I'm pissed off with the mum, I just didn't really know what the 'etiquette' would be, really.

OP posts:
pumpastrotter · 15/11/2018 11:53

I would say thanks, basic manners

CheesePleaseLoueese · 15/11/2018 12:03

I would absolutely drop a text to say thanks. It is basic courtesy.

lljkk · 15/11/2018 12:08

I barely ever turn my phone on so you wouldn't get a TY text from me.
Um... I don't care if they say TY or not. What matters is that my kid had a nice time playing host & the other child didn't give me any grief.

lljkk · 15/11/2018 12:08

ps: don't think I've had TY texts hardly ever. We almost always are the hosts, so no lack of opportunity.

birdsdestiny · 15/11/2018 12:11

I would text if I hadn't seen the mum/dad on drop off.

NonaGrey · 15/11/2018 12:12

I say thanks if I haven’t seen the parents to thank them in person but most people don’t.

I’m fairly non-plussed that rather than thinking “what a lovely new friend DD has made, what a delightful guest” that you are spending any energy at all on her parent’s manners.

MrsJonesAndMe · 15/11/2018 12:12

Yes, even the regular friends always thanks us in person or a text if they didn't see us themselves - mum or dad or granny or whatever. She sounds rude.

Meet0nTheIedge · 15/11/2018 12:13

I probably would have sent a text, but I wouldn't be bothered by the lack of one in your situation TBH.

Shadow1234 · 15/11/2018 12:16

I would also text to say thank you, as others have said - its basic manners.

AnotherPidgey · 15/11/2018 12:22

Under those circumstances, I'd probably have put a "thanks" in at some point in the messaging process.

I pick up at the door so get my child to say thank you at the time. Job done.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 15/11/2018 12:30

Yes it would be normal to send a thank you text. She’s either forgotten or her dd didn’t have a good time in which case barring anything majorly awful she could have still said ‘thanks for having her’ and just left off ‘she had a great time’. You’ll soon know which one it is based on whether your dd gets a return invite.

halfwitpicker · 15/11/2018 12:33

Yes she should have sent a text to say thanks.

Why wouldn't you?!

BumsexAtTheBingo · 15/11/2018 12:34

Also people differ in what they consider good form. I had a friend of my dc over once and we weren’t thanked in person or by text but the child came with a wrapped gift for me!
If my dc had gone there first the parents may well have thought me a right cf with my plain old thank you text 😂

Crunchymum · 15/11/2018 12:42

lljkk, if you phone is barely on, you may be missing all the thank you texts Grin

If she is happy enough to send a text "reminding you" to have her child somewhere at a certain time then she should damn well send a quick text thanking you for the playdate.

PrincessJuanita · 15/11/2018 12:45

Yes of course she should have said thanks, it's basic manners and it depresses me a bit that some people think it's unnecessary.

Meet0nTheIedge · 15/11/2018 13:14

Did the auntie thank you?

LittleMouseontheDairy · 15/11/2018 13:45

I would send a thank you (and would like to receive one). It's common courtesy surely?
And as a PP said if she can remind you when to drop her DD off she can thank you!
Did the aunt say thanks? If she did then that counts I guess...

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