Is it only me who feels awkward about this?

[JessiCake]

Does anyone else recognise this scenario?

I'm stupidly over-friendly (to mask pretty bad social anxiety, if I'm honest) and early on when DD started school I made a lot of effort to get along with/get to know the class mums. I'm not some OTT jolly-hockey-sticks kind of person (I hope) but I just like to be open and friendly to everyone.

Because of this I have ended up getting really quite friendly with 2 or 3 school mums in particular. Nice people, we catch up over coffee etc.

The awkward thing is that my child really does NOT like their children.

I suspect, too, that the same goes for their childrens' view of my child! Though my child is incredibly picky (probably suffers from the same social anxiety as me, tbh, and hasn't yet learnt to mask it) and takes stronger likes/dislikes to other kids than most do.

This isn't, I don't think, something that will work itself out over time. My child absolutely refuses playdates with the other kids in question, and it's not something I can or would impose on her as tbh at least one of the kids has been pretty mean, and in the other case they just don't click in the slightest. I'm fairly sure there will come a time in the future, when the whole-class parties stop, that my child would much prefer not to invite these particular children to a smaller-group party, and probably vice-versa, and though it's not something I'd mind at all I get the distinct sense that one of the mums (the one of the mean child) would be really, really upset and offended.

Is it just me that finds this a bit awkward?

Sigh. This is why I'm findamentally rubbish with social situations. And why I should never fight my instinct to stay home under the duvet

It's certainly a lesson to me to avoid that Fresher's Week thing, perhaps, and take more time to get to know people. But the mums are perfectly nice, it's just the children that don't see eye to eye.

Does anyone else know what I mean?

Yes! I made my close mum friends when the children were in reception/ y1. And now in y4,we’re all still friends, we just socialise without the children mostly!! 😂 We still get together for occasions with the kids but they’re not in the same friendship groups in school. No issue, just different interests and boy/ girl thing- and they get on fine when we do all get together!

Yes I definitely know what you are experiencing. I recently had a very awkward coffee with a parent trying to explain why my ds would never be going to her house to play with her ds. I really like the mum but my ds does not want to play with her son. It was very awkward.

Ah, good, Daria, glad to hear it worked out well for both you and the children (you're still friends, they're still not friends!)

That outcome would suit me just fine, I wouldn't stress at all, but I'm just getting the distinct sense that at least one of my 'mum' friends wouldn't feel anything like as relaxed about it... last time I saw her she was saying she's been trying and trying to get her child to play with mine at school and she wishes they would play together more... there's almost zero chance of that, but I like her and would like to carry on being friends.

Icy, hm yes, I can see myself being you a couple of years from now... it just would be awful to ever have to talk about this elephant in the room because honestly her child has just not been nice to mine at all (and I'm very very forgiving of small childrens' behaviour, but this is consistent rude meanness and I'd so much rather my child just avoided hers as if they DID play together, I don't think it would be a nice experience...)

i honestly would try and not overthink it as you say its a few years until the full class parties stop so is there any point worrying about somethung that may or may not happen. It might just sort out naturally Her child obviously doesn't want to play with yours either so it's less awkward really than if hers wanted to play and yours didn't. The children will develop their own friendships so you may find that naturally the other mum starts to arrange playmates with her child's friends and so do you. That's not to say you can't be friends with the mums. If it would make you feel better next time she says anything you could just say in a jockey tone yes I know what are they like haha typical we get on so well and the children never play together good job it doesn't effect our friendship and see what she says. You have made friends with these mums it doesn't stop you from making friends with other mums now things change , people might go back to work full time so never do pick up , drop offs, they could change school ECT

Don't worry it does work out in the end! I now go out with the mums I like and the playdates happen without adults - all sorted! I think it is sod's law when your children are little that they don't like the children of the mums you like!