So I am writing this but I don't expect anyone to respond. I just need to let it out.
I am feeling completely drained and just feel like I can't take anymore of anything.
I work part time , have a 6yo and live with DH. I am on anti-depressants but generally things have been pretty good in recent times. We've just bought a house (exchanged today!). I have been leading on all this- DH hasn't really done anything other than contribute to the deposit due to his anxiety around change.
DH suffers from severe anxiety , which I totally understand as I have had it on and off throughout my life but his is on going and it never goes away. He always thinks of the worst case scenario in any situation . His anxieties are worst around work related situations as he always thinks he's going to get the sack . I will give an example- so he was having a meeting with his supervisor and he noticed on her calendar she was meeting in a different meeting room than what was usual- he instantly panicked thinking there was a reason behind it and was probably because she had some bad news and the room was out of the way etc. He had an anxiety attack about it at work.
DH and I also work in the same building. This means I can never really get away. We're on different floors but when he's having an episode , I am within easy reach. I am always there for him as he relies on me so much to bring him back to reality but the last 3 days have completely drained me. I work in a very busy role supporting families emotionally and dealing with a lot of sensitive issues and vulnerable people. On top of that I have my own work stresses, my own mental health , this house buying stuff, my DS as well as doing all the school runs / club runs etc and then on top of that managing my DHs anxiety and work related issues.
I came home today and completely broke down into tears because I just felt drained emotionally. I have no time to talk to anyone about how I am feeling because I am so busy supporting everyone else.
I also sit next to a colleague at work who is suffering from severe work related anxiety and has been having a gradual return to work. We are generally close and I have also become the person that listens to her and calms her down when she's having that severe anxiety as well. I can't always get on with my work because I feel like I am not being sensitive to her needs as she's so fragile at the moment.
I like supporting everyone and I want to be there for everyone but now I can't even support myself . I am so tired and I'm just crying and crying.
DH has taken DS to bed and is letting me have a moment to myself. I just feel like I have had no where to get away from it all. He said he's there for me when I need to talk but I just feel like he can't cope with my issues on top of his own struggles. I feel bad that I am like this.
Sorry this is a long post- I just needed to get it out to even understand what I am feeling.
I am seeing a counsellor for 6 sessions through work. My second is coming up so maybe I will feel better after that.