Have you ever called the Samaritans?

[MonteStory]

Just that really. Were they helpful? If you are happy to explain, can you tell what made you call?

I went along to see about being a volunteer once.

It was really interesting to learn, but unfortunately I think I failed the assessment when they asked me what I'd say if an adult rang up and wanted to discuss sexual abuse of a child.

The correct answer was something like "no judgement, here to listen", but I couldn't guarantee I'd be able to react that way so i think they declined me on that basis.

I had better help from "CALM" www.thecalmzone.net/

I had better help from "CALM" www.thecalmzone.net/help/get-help/ via their online chat. Unfortunately it is only open from 5pm until midnight. I believe this is the charity who worked with Coronation Street recently on the Aiden storyline.

I wrote to them for six weeks at around age 21.... they wrote back, every second day via email. Still have the emails somewhere . I could tell it was different people but at least two of the letters were absolutely amazing - you could tell the other person genuinely cared . I don’t know how much they were given guidance over what to email , in as much as the emails had specific advice which apparently they’re not allowed to do over the phone .

I did once also talk to a man called Robert when I was 19, who was wonderful. But wouldn’t phone again, unless really desperate - would probably ring Breattjjng Space instead .

I'm really interested in this - those of you who said you got better / more appropriate help elsewhere, can you explain why / how it was better?

I have called Samaritans in the past but couldn't think how to start the conversation so I hung up. I don't remember the women's names who answered the phone but I remember they sounded very calm and warm. I wish I'd been braver and opened up but then my whole life might have been turned upside down and I wasn't ready for that.

Yes. I really didn't have anyone else I could talk to, and I had a suicide plan. They helped. I didn't go through with it.

I'm a Samaritans volunteer. I'm so sorry that so many of you have had bad experiences. It is sometimes worth ringing again (I mean straight away - it's a national number so highly unlikely you'd get through to the same person again) because, although we all have the same training, obviously we are all very different people.

It's true that we're not supposed to give advice and to just listen, and in all honesty, I will admit that I think I myself would sometimes find that annoying. But, as previously mentioned, we're all just volunteers and not trained counsellors.

It's very disheartening to hear many of you say that you felt your Samaritan was disinterested and couldn't get you off the line quickly enough. In all our interactions we're meant to remember that the call is your call, to be led by you the caller, and to give each and every call and caller our undivided attention.

It's also true that a huge number of calls are sex calls but my view is that even if you just take one genuine call per shift, then it's worth it.

Again, I'm so sorry for the bad experiences, but please do consider ringing again if you ever need to

Oh meant to say as well, don't worry about not knowing what to say or where to start. Take as much time as you need. You don't even have to speak at all if you feel that just having that connection of someone on the other end of the line is helpful.

A Samaritan saved my life once. I was going to kill myself that evening and just needed to tell someone, a total stranger l, because I felt so horrifically alone in the last moments of my life. He was absolutely incredible, totally non judgemental and didn't even say "please don't". 95 minutes later and we had talked myself down into a place where I was then able to seek other support.

Occasionally I've rung and within a few minutes I've realised I don't like the person. I literally just hang up and ring again.

Please don't let the poor experiences of others put you off calling if you need to talk.

And thank you to the Samaritans on here. One of 'you' is the reason I'm still here today.

I called them four times in lockdown, I always felt lighter for talking at a time when I was stressed and low and just grateful they exist. I took what was useful from the conversations.

@SlowlyThenAllAtOnce

A Samaritan saved my life once. I was going to kill myself that evening and just needed to tell someone, a total stranger l, because I felt so horrifically alone in the last moments of my life. He was absolutely incredible, totally non judgemental and didn't even say "please don't". 95 minutes later and we had talked myself down into a place where I was then able to seek other support.

Occasionally I've rung and within a few minutes I've realised I don't like the person. I literally just hang up and ring again.

Please don't let the poor experiences of others put you off calling if you need to talk.

And thank you to the Samaritans on here. One of 'you' is the reason I'm still here today.

so glad you are here too.

I was a bad Samaritan for a while. I found the whole passiveness difficult to deal with, the day (during training) I listened to an active suicide finished me off.

I got through to an old bloke who had the emotional intelligence of a milk bottle. It was embarrassing more than anything.

Like another poster, I had severe post natal depression but I didn’t know that was what it was. This was nearly forty years ago. I have to say they were bloody wonderful and they came to my house at two in the morning. One was an on call mental health nurse. They made me tea, told me that it was PND and that it would be okay.

That's what I find so difficult to accept, that they don't try to help or talk a suicidal person out of it. They literally just listen, I find that quite disturbing.

@Tinygem

That's what I find so difficult to accept, that they don't try to help or talk a suicidal person out of it. They literally just listen, I find that quite disturbing.

Same here. Bit unsettling isn't it?

Like when you find out (reading here on MN) how much AA is a religious organisation. You're like - what!?

I have contacted them about 6 times over many years. My most recent problem was trivial but they were very kind. I get claustrophobia when alone in hotel rooms. Last time it happened they texted me once every day of my stay to support and comfort me. The emails or texts (don't remember exactly) were all from Joe but it was obviously a generic name used by different Samaritans. I wasn't suicidal but was doing risky things such as going and sitting in my car during the night. Luckily I was in a low crime area (Gerards Cross). The Samaritans helped me a lot and I am very grateful. Sorry it hasn't worked for some.

Yes, a few times one year when I was in a very bad way. Every call bar one was useless. I know it’s because they cannot give advice but honestly...when you get zero responses other than ‘hmm’ and ‘that sounds difficult,’ it doesn’t actually feel like someone is listening. It is frustrating and made me feel worse. That said the fact there is a number to call and you can begin speaking was enough to make me feel connected to someone in some dark hours.

There was one man I spoke to once who was incredible. He said he was in his 60s and clearly didn’t care about the ‘no advice’ rule. He chatted through my problem for a good hour or so and I honestly came off the phone feeling so much stronger. I don’t see the point in being on calls like that if you can’t actually talk to someone...not to give professional advice but to be a friend and talk as a friend would.

@Tinygem

That's what I find so difficult to accept, that they don't try to help or talk a suicidal person out of it. They literally just listen, I find that quite disturbing.

@Tinygem totally agree. There’s a difference between not giving advice and being able to have a proper chat like a friend would. It is quite isolating to sit on the phone with silence on the other end.

I did many years ago. I was in a bad place as a young teenager and phoned the Samaritans to divulge past abuse. The lady on the other end of the phone actually asked me why I was lying!

It was such a shock that I wasn’t being believed that I didn’t tell anyone else for years until I had a breakdown.

I never phone a helpline again, as I couldn’t trust them.

It was just awful and made me question myself and if I was the sick one who had made it all up. It really damaged my mental health.