How do you go about leaving counselling?

[Fightingitoff]

I mean obviously you tell her you're planning on leaving. But how many weeks in advance, and what exactly do you say?

What happens in your last session? Do you just say okay bye then, and that's it? Presumably you're not allowed to have a hug or anything like that. Is it appropriate to give her a thank you card or would that be weird?

I'll miss her, I really will. It's almost like she's been a second mum to me. She really listens. I love dropping in and telling her about my week. But at the same time, I've been going for over two years and the thing I originally went to see her about has calmed right down and I've learned to live with it, and we just end up talking about stuff which is interesting, but far less important. And I'm aware of the danger of getting too reliant on her. I have to learn to go out there on my own.

I don't think I would say this to her, but recently I've been feeling like it's the most ridiculous privilege paying someone to listen to my general annoyances of the week. That's not what it was like at the beginning when I started seeing her because of something serious, but that's what it's feeling like now.

Speak to the counsellor. They will be trained in dealing with how to manage people leaving. Just be honest. And a card is a lovely idea. A friend of mine who is a counsellor says she loves receiving a thank you from clients.

I'd just say at the next visit , "I think it's time I stopped coming to see you - you've been great but it's time for me to start flying solo" or something similar. Maybe send her some flowers after your last session, or send a card. She has probably been wondering when you'd do this , not wanting to push you out but hoping that you'd want to break away.

Sorry to ask but is she a professional? Did you not set a clear mission at the start of your therapy programme? She should know you're done and have proactively spaced out your sessions for a while now. The reliance issue is real and should be actively managed.

I comment as someone lucky enough to have had excellent professional psychotherapy following extreme trauma....the lack of standards or basic process in the UK really shocks me to be honest.

I'd just tell her you had a clear mission for the purpose of your sessions and now that's been accomplished (thank you!) you no longer need her professional support so the sessions won't continue. Go to one session a month for 3 months if that makes you comfortable?

If you want to keep in touch with her as a friend then you can always meet up for coffee!

Good luck.

Yes she's a professional.

She will not be allowed ethically to convert you to a friend

Part of the leaving process is to acknowledge that. I always say that I will remain their therapist and they can come back in the future - many do come back every few years for 2/3 sessions to iron out things S

@TetherEnding - not sure what you mean about professional standards and process here, but no professional counsellor would agree to carry on meeting up for coffee as a friend after sessions end.

99RedBalloonsFloating

Yes, I agree completely. It was a slightly sarky (and possibly unhelpful) comment. Sorry OP.

I don't think taking money from someone who has a vulnerability (hence seeking support in the first place) for weekly sessions over a two year period...without, apparently, any end goal agreed is professional behaviour at all. I think it's unethical and leads to an increased risk of dependency which does nothing of value except to line the therapist's pockets.

That's why I was asking if this therapist was a professional.

Anyway, I don't mean to derail this thread. I hope you are ok OP.