I fucking hate you

[Chippednails]

Said to me tonight by my 6 year old son after a minor row escalated. He’s never spoken to me like that before and I want to ensure it never happens again. I’ve had very stern words and left him to it as I have a prearranged meeting to go to. I’ll be home in an hour and need to deal with it as I assume he’ll still be up. Any words. Of wisdom appreciated. For context this is not how we ever speak to ea h other in our house. Am gutted tbh.

Stay calm! Try to work out where he may have heard that language or phrase.
Make it clear that you love him, no matter what he says or does- his words can't change that but that your feelings are hurt.

I'd ask him what he meant by that and why he was so angry. What happened prior to this?
I'd also be asking where he'd heard these words if not from home and make sure he fully understands their impact.

It's ok for him to be angry or frustrated, he just needs to learn how he can express those feelings without using language like that.

He heard it at school! Just give him a cuddle and tell him not to talk like that again. No biggie.

I agree with @A580Hojas ! It's obviously a shocker to you OP, but I'd try not to make a big deal about it - He may be feeling really upset at what he said to you, so I'd give him an opportunity to express that when you get home? Especially as you say this is out of character for him -

Cuddle, tell him not to say those words (as above stated) and leave it at that for now?

Calm!

He's overheard it at school. When it's been said here I either don't rise and say 'well that's a shame but we still love you' or give them a bit of a talking to about families loving each other and there being no hatred in a family.

They don't get the magnitude of it. Although on the other hand I've never quite understand the shock and horror some parents display when 'hate' is said, it's not an evil word! Especially to a 6 year old.

Thanks all - much appreciated! The hate doesn’t bother me so much. I’ve heard that on occasion and just said well I love you but it was the use of ‘fucking’ that shocked me. You’re right a chat and a cuddle and a few firm words and hopefully that’ll be the last of it

Don't worry, just tell him how much it hurt you to hear him say that. My almost 5 year old has little outbursts and he's always tearful and sorry afterwards.

Ahh I wouldn't say how much it hurt you - he maybe feeling awful at his outburst anyway - Just a cuddle for now and tell him you love him - he's only 6 xx

A few weeks ago my son (6) told me there is a mean kid at school.

Me: Why, what did he say that was mean?
Him: He called me a fucking idiot!

My head practically spun off my shoulders, but I had to laugh. He was so indignant! 'But that IS what he said!'

Probably just as well you had to go out. It will have given him time to think, and let's hope he runs to you with an apology as soon as you come in. But it also gives you time to think how to play it.
Tell off for the swearing, yes, and not unreasonable to say you felt very sad at the hate part, too. Why hide it? It hurt you! Should children not learn that words carelessly said can hurt? I would not give any cuddles until apology received, acknowledged and therefore slate wiped clean. Mum still loves you. But please do not do this again.

Yes I think it was good to go out. Definitely gave us both a chance to calm down. We’ve had a chat about how much words can hurt and he was very sorry. Tomorrow is a new day. Although there’ll be some consequences if he pulls that one again!

I must be a meaner mum than most. I’d be not giving cuddles and sympathy to Ds if he said that. I would explain the swearing aspect but hate is not a word I expect to hear. I’d be mortified if he’d heard it from me. It’s quite a brutal statement for such a young child.
Parenting is tough. We all do it differently, it sounds like pp have your kind of stance. One thing is for sure, he doesn’t hate you

@Chipped I would have done the same (As you said this was out of character for him so might be a one off, plus he apologized so realizes it was wrong - positive!).

Definitely a deeper conversation if this one happens again - but allowances always for the possible 'one off's' !

We live in London and use public transport

I had to tell DS as a toddler - "children are NOT allowed to use naughty words, adults can decide if they wish to do.... when you are grown up, you can decide but till you are, you don't use naughty words EVER because you don't know how horrible they can be"

It's worked so far!

Thankfully he thinks teenagers are 'adults' so doesn't tell too many off on buses