Why do people stay in relationships that aren't going anywhere?

[whystay]

I'm sure a lot of people will tell me to mind my own business but this has really been only mind the past few days and I don't feel I can really talk to anyone in real life about it.

My cousin has been in a relationship for about 5 years with a guy who's a bit odd, really unlike her who's really outgoing. He would barely speak to you in a social situation and just seems really bored all the time, and sits on his phone, rarely engages with anyone. He does his own thing a lot of the time, not involving my cousin but she doesn't appear to mind too much as she has a lot of her own interests and is always busy. It's very rare that he comes along to family events with her, he's usually doing something else.

They're both mid to late thirties and I think she'd love to settle down and have children, but for some reason they're just coasting along. I can't see them ever getting married and I don't get the impression he wants children.

It just makes me really sad that when she eventually realises the relationship isn't going anywhere it might be too late for her to meet someone else and have children if that's what she wants. I know that's her own decision to make, but I just don't get why you'd stay in a relationship with someone who has zero interest in spending time with you or your friends and family.

How sure are you that she wants it to "go somewhere"?

Not every relationship has to. Maybe they're happy with a relationship as it is, without it being an inevitable journey towards what society tell us is the perfect endgame.

Alternatively, she's scared of being alone.

She might prefer a different kind of relationship, but she'd rather take the certainty of the relationship she has over the risk of no relationship at all.

Some people like their freedom and would hate a relationship where they are in each others pockets! I know I would. I love time to myself and my own hobbies, my partner and I spend the weekend together and we are apart in the week, it has worked really well for years! I think you are putting your own views onto someone who possibly doesnt share them!

Some people will stay in any relationship rather than be on their own. Sad but true. I work with somebody who has left his partner after being unhappy for years. He only left when he found somebody else. Didn't want to be alone.

Do you know that she wants children?

Does not being outgoing make you "odd"?

Maybe she finds the idea of settling down and having children dull and boring...

Yeah I get that different people might want different things and that's entirely their own decision to make. I think I just noticed it more than ever at the last family gathering where he barely said anything to anyone over the course of a couple of hours and sat in the corner looking at his phone like a moody teenager. He's in his mid thirties for goodness sake, and it was really quite embarrassing! I know it might not be everyone's cup of tea to socialise with your girlfriends family but most people are polite and make some conversation. Just made me wonder what she sees in him, but there must be some reason she's been with him this long.