Too depressed to clean?

[bigbluedragon]

My house is disgusting. Last week is was beautifully clean but I'm currently going through an intense depressive episode. The washing up is so extensive there is no plates or pans. There is a washing pile the size of a small mountain. There is bits of stuff everywhere. No space on the sofa to sit down for the mess. Just space on the floor for my 7MO to crawl round on.

I'm a single mother of two. I only have support from my mum, and that's not even great. I near enough begged her to help me clean the other day but she just sits there. And if she does clean does a rubbish job. Obviously I'm happy for the help but if she doesn't want to help I'd rather she just said. She expects me to feed her too, most meals she's at my house. If I ask her to watch the kids whilst I wash my hair she doesn't bother with the baby if she's crying. It's like a nightmare. There's never a break and even when there is a break it's never for long.

I'm also in so much debt. Have near enough no credit score (yaaay)

Life is just fucking shit right now.
Hand hold please

Oh OP, I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. That’s awful. You say you’re in the midst of an episode, how long do they usually last? Can you keep sight of the fact your episode will come to an end and you will get more energy again soon? X

(Hug)

Offering solidarity. I can’t get motivated either, even though I know I feel much happier when everywhere is clean and tidy. Lost my job and I’m so depressed about lack of money and feeling i should be out the doing something useful.

I feel your pain. I'm currently sat on sofa with duvet over me. Need to clean up but can't face it, just feel too depressed. Am going to try later and set an alarm for 20 mins and see how much of the essentials I can get done in that time.

This sounds so tough, I wish I knew you as I would help . I always have to find something interesting to listen to when I clean so that it distracts me from the boringness of it. I also speak to friends on the phone while say sorting the laundry but this is harder with young children.
It sounds like your mum isn’t going to make it easier so I wonder if there are ways you can make it easier on yourself . Write a list that you can cross off so you get a happy sense of achievement even when it feels slow to begin with ?
Also can you find little ways to boost and look after yourself ? Even if asking the GP - depression is hard enough and I reckon a lot of us are low in vitamin D at this time of year which doesn’t help either .

Lastly do you have a friend at the same stage as you could help each other out ? I found this a huge huge help when the children were tiny as it renewed my friend and i’s energy to see each other and help each other out

You've acknowledged that everything is getting you down, the next step is to sort it one thing at a time. You have to start with your own wellbeing. Go see your doctor and get professional help for your depression, maybe meds and or counselling. Maybe ring Homestart and see if they can provide you with some support. There will always be a mountain of housework when you have children, just tackle one room at a time. Get your mum to do your laundry/pots/tidying and maybe ask her to bring you in something for lunch. When people offer their help, you have to delegate otherwise they won't know where to start. Try to find if there are any baby and toddler groups you can access, these will give you a welcome break from the chaos at home and will help you to form new friendships.

Hand hold from me.

I have periods where I feel exactly the same op, have since kids were small.

Speak to your hv, try and arrange to speak to HomeStart if there is one in your area, they saved my sanity.

Remember you can't do it all in a single day. You mentioned the washing up. Today when your dc naps gather all the mucky pots and pans then do the lot. Wash, dry, put away. One massive job done. Then it'll be one less thing to have hanging over you. Tomorrow clear the sofa. Be ruthless.

I found takeaway solved the problem of pots mounting up on my hardest days. Same for paper plates. Baby will survive on jars for a couple of days too.

Speak to your mum. It sounds like she's part of the problem - if she can't/won't help with the dc pass her the dishcloth whilst you get on with another 10 minute job. My mum needs to be told explicitly what to do to help - she means well but a 2 hour helping visit can become a 2 hour tea break that puts me back to square one.

I wish I could help physically op, I'd have had somebody's arm off for a couple of hours a day to try and get stuff sorted.

If your credit score is fucked anyway, look into getting a Debt Relief Order. Stepchange can advise.

Also join Team Tomm on Facebook. It's about getting your house cleaned in 30 minutes a day. I don't stick to it really but it has inspired me to do more everyday.