Positive stories of single child families

[Choccyhobnob]

Hi, I'm looking for positive stories from those of you who are only children, or who only have one child. I'm struggling a bit with the fact that it's looking like we're not going to have any more children as I come from large family and just can't accept that we're "one and done". I'd really appreciate it if you could help me see that it can be a good thing.

Thank you

We are a happy single child family. Ds is a happy, settled child. I am happy. We don't feel different to other families.

First off, I should say I've got three dc, but there was a big gap between 1 and 2.
They were the best.
You have all the time in the world to spend on them. Much more money. No guilt about giving one more of anything. No squabbling. You can focus on their education a lot more than if your time is spread.
Dc1 and I would read for hours every night. Now I'm lucky if one does their homework.
Older and only children are often brighter*. I think that's just because they've had a lot more adult company.
No worries about inheritance.
No worries about space.

I'd really reccomend it tbh.

*I read a thing once. Please don't flame me. I cba to find the link to the thing. I'm on hold to a call centre.

My DS, now 12, is an only. No cousins close in age either (youngest of them is 12 years older).
He's very happy and we have a great family life

I love having just one, we are a happy little three. Life is pretty calm and ordered, no headache logistics, no constant bickering, we can give DD a lot of support with homework etc. We have enough money to not have to worry about doing a lot of fun stuff, we have enough bedrooms in our house. She loves having her friends over, and she loves when they leave and she can get her things back how she wants them!
As she gets older (she's 6) I do think we will need to be more proactive about hosting playdates, sleepovers etc. She sometimes asks if she can have a sibling, but I don't think she'd like the reality of a baby now!

Thank you, I'm not the most social person if I'm honest so my DH's argument of "he can just have lots of friends round like I did" is hard for me as it's an effort to arrange play dates as all my friends with children live quite far away and the ones I know locally I'm not good enough friends with to see all the time.

uterusuterus all of these are the things I'm trying to focus on. I just selfishly loved being pregnant and always imagined having 2 children. I think about all the memories I have and can share with my siblings which DS won't have and I worry about the future and him having to deal with elderly parents on his own etc.

I'm struggling to come to terms with just the one too OP, it's very tough when it's not what you had in mind for your family.
I am surrounded by people on their second and third and constantly get asked when I'm going going to "give DS a little brother or sister?" It really fucking hurts.

On the plus side, DH was an only child and he thinks it was great and claims he never wished he had siblings or felt lonely.

I'm trying to concentrate on the positives and there are a lot, as PPs have mentioned, no squabbling, no splitting your attention constantly, no pressure to buy a bigger house etc.

my dad was from a big family and had a hard time and only had one. sometimes i was lonely with no built in friend, but there were many advantages too. just as with my tow there are advantages and disadvantages for them .

Just read your update, are you me?! I could have written that, word for word!
So weird. Nice to know it's not just me who worries about that stuff and doesn't have loads of friends to have round all the time.

I hope it gets easier OP.

I try really hard to focus on how very lucky I am to have one healthy child. It's easier said than done though.

DS is only just under 3 so don't have much experience but we love it so far and DS is a very happy little boy. He goes to nursery so gets lots of time to play with children his age but he also gets loads of undivided adult attention which going by his language skills is really benefiting him. We have three cats the youngest of which cuddles him and plays with him (they play an iPad game together) and he really doesn't seem to be missing anything. I don't cope well with lots of noise or stress so one child works perfectly for me too. DH really appreciates the fact that in the future if DS wants to take up an expensive and/or time consuming hobby we will be able to support that without worrying about a sibling.

We have decided to stop with just DD. DP was a very happy only child and is the most sociable approachable person I've ever met, he can make friends anywhere in the world and is the go to person for people having a crisis, he is the person his old friends still bother visiting when back in the uk. I have a younger brother, and to be honest we don't dislike each other but we just aren't bothered, we see each other at family occasions and that's it, I was much happier as an only child and I think it would have suited me better to stay that way. I know too many people who despise their siblings and while I know some who are very close I think it's luck of the draw and a risky strategy as you are not guaranteed excellent playmates for life by any means.

You are right OP in that you have to be more proactive in terms of organising social time when you have an only, but it is surely a lot less effort than having multiple children who will still want to have/go on play dates

Ahh GreenDinosaur it's hard isn't it! Now he's 3.5 all the people in my baby group are on their 2nd or 3rd and pressure from our family is really getting me down.

We have a great life right now and I know that a 2nd child will mean a big struggle for at least the next 5 years. I'm willing to make the short term sacrifice for the long term family life but I don't think DHs mental health or our relationship would survive it.

I have only one child, ds(10), and would be interested in this too.

We decided not to have any more, since ds had lots of health issue since he was a baby, so I still sometimes feel guilty that he doesn't have any siblings.

But plus side is that we can focus on him 100%, and he himself said he was happy to be an only child.

My DS is an only child due to multiple miscarriages. I've absolutely loved the 'alone' time I've been able to spend with him over the years - we often go for walks after dinner where we have philosophical discussions, we go on holidays that he will enjoy without having to consider another child's desires (eg. he's hugely into history - which many children aren't).

One thing that struck me recently is how hard it must be to cope when you have more than one in some situations; DS has been pretty ill for several months (not been able to go to school, needed lots of attention/medical appointments etc) and if we had other children I was thinking about how tiresome and unfair it would be for them when all our attention was on their very ill sibling month after month.

Only children that I've met (and I appreciate there must be plenty not like this) are often more able to have sensible conversations with adults since that's their default type of conversation at home.

DS has plenty of friends and does lots of sport/extra-curricular activities etc so isn't lonely. We make sure he has sleepovers and parties and things so that he mixes with other children a lot. Oh - and while he wanted a sibling when he was younger, he very much enjoys being an only child now!

I was a single mum to DD14 from birth until a year ago when DH moved in.
We have a much closer relationship than I did with my mum at that age because it was just the two of us. I took her to toddler groups etc on my days off and spent lots of time reading/drawing/talking with her.
She has two sporty hobbies (cheerleading and football) that she’s done since pre-school age. Definitely could not afford another set of cheer/gym/competition fees!
She worked hard at school and was able to get a place at our local grammar school through the 11+, she’s now in yr10 and set for 7-9 grades in all subjects.
I would never have been able to dedicate the time in those early years to her if I’d had another.
I’m the oldest of 2 with a 3 year gap and my brother definitely didn’t get the one to one time I did. He also suffered from being compared to me (eg your sister could read/spell when she was this age why can’t you) when we were and are very different personality-wise.

Stop thinking of your family as an oddity - it won't be unless you convince yourself it is.

Tell your family/friends to STFU (more politely if you prefer). Ditto strangers.

Don't waste your life worrying about what ifs and whether your child will have to care for you in your dotage - my DD has been told she'd better not.

You don't need to overdo the quality time nonsense. Kids - with or without siblings -need to be left to get on with stuff to develop resilience and inner resources.

And you don't need to stress about masses of play dates - your DC will let you know how much social interaction they need and you'll crack on and sort it. They spend all day with other kids so most want a break.

Don't romantacise siblings (even if you did like yours!)

No child these days can get lonely thanks to iPad and Netflix

You should follow my advice as I have a lovely, intelligent, resourceful, sociable etc etc teenage DD. Whether this is down to my wonderful parenting or not is open to debate but she is a very happy young woman!

Thank you Elfin Footy and Gumbo - I'm sorry for your losses and I hope your Son is ok

I have one child by choice and I wouldn't have it any other way, I struggle socially so paydates etc aren't always easy but I love being able to give him my undivided attention/time/money.

My husband and I both have siblings and neither of us get along with them particularly well, I have worried about my son and that he will be alone caring for us when we are older but I then realised that my sibling and my Husbands will no doubt cause huge amounts of stress when it comes time to take care of our own parents and it would probably be easier if we were only children! Siblings sadly doesn't always = friends.