How do you cope when your teens start clubbing .....

[BigSandyBalls2015]

.... I'm usually quite a chilled parent, they've had a lot of freedom in their teens as long as I know where they are, who they're with and to let me know if they're staying with a friend overnight and not coming home.

However since DD turned 18 her social life has upped a gear and it's now based around pubs and clubs, often until the very early hours and I'm worried about her. She has got form for drinking too much although she's says she doesn't now and she stops at a certain point.

I know she's a young adult and this is all very normal but I'm imagining clubs full of predatory men trying to spike their drinks.

Friday night she told me that they didn't have enough money for a cab home and her phone was dead and so was her friends so a random man paid for their cab ... sounds odd and I'm cross she didn't have a charged phone with her.

Also she doesn't have a lot of money but managed to get into the VIP area of the club ..... how? Again I'm imagining blokes paying for them and them draped over them like footballers wives ... am I over thinking this?

I've tried talking to her but she's always been a closed book and we end up arguing.

You need to have a non-judgemental talk with her about personal safety and making sensible choices. Most nightclubs are very safe and very well monitored by security (because clubs stand to lose their licenses over drugs, drink spiking, sexual assault etc) so you needn’t worry heavily about that. Tell her that you understand you need to let her spread her wings and learn from her own mistakes regarding possibly drinking too much - we’ve all find it. But you need to stress the importance of always knowing how she’s going to get home safely; not accepting drinks or cab rides from strangers, because these strangers often expect something in return; having a charged phone; the whole group of friends having a designated point on the dancefloor where they will either dance or return to regularly so that nobody is left lost and panicky in the club; having a buddy system with her friends so everybody is “responsible” for one other person in the group and making sure they leave safely at the end of the night; letting somebody who isn’t out know where you’ll be just in case.

I’m a bit of a party girl in my thirties, and my friends and I are religious about the above. It’s important. It’s grown up. It doesn’t mean you can’t be trusted with your own decisions, it makes you mature and self-aware. If you’re London based I’ll come and have this chat with her myself!

As someone who isn't too far from this stage, I think your ideas of what happens in clubs isn't quite right.

VIP areas really aren't all that VIP. They don't require money (or men) to get into. Just a friend who maybe knows a friend who is in there.

As the pp said, they are extremely safe places because clubs don't want to lose their licences. I spent years clubbing with groups of girls and no-one ever got spiked, or hurt.

I would be careful on this one. My parents were very strict about going to clubs and so I didn't tell them where I was going. Also the more stupid/unsafe things I did (like hitchhiking) were in what you would assume we're very safe environments if that makes sense? Can you set up an account with a local taxi firm that you trust so that in the case that she runs out of money for whatever reason she knows she has a safe way of getting home? Also you can get small charging blocks for phones if that worries you?

I regularly remind my 19 daughter

Keys, phone, plan to get home

I have had to try not to think of the 'bad' things!! one of mine is in London and it scares me to death with all the reports of stabbings and shootings but I have to try and block it out.,

All I have said to mine is never get so drunk that you can't a) get yourself home b) take your makeup off (DD only of course!) and c) clean your teeth and get undressed before getting into bed.
I just hope they all go out with decent friends who will look out for each other - I think the youngest two have already looked after drunk friends on several occasions and made sure they were safe,

Did you never go to night clubs at 18? It's all totally normal, she'll be fine.

Thanks all some good tips, and reassuring info.

I know it's normal and Im glad she's having fun but I can't help worry.

I wasn't much of a clubber .... preferred a nice meal and a bottle of wine even at 18 .... old before my time

I find it quite stressful but just tell them to take care

As an 18 year old woman myself I can assure you clubs and pubs are not all that bad. If she has a good set of friends no one will ever be left alone, not even to go to the toilet and in my group there will always be one who stays relatively sober to make sure everyone is okay. Security in clubs now is quite strict and they do bag searching and pat downs after you walk through metal detectors, much like an airport. Try and get her to take a small portable phone charger with her and leave it in her bag in the cloakroom. In an emergency, security will always be willing to help.

Good thread... I think this is my future with DD, not far away at all!

Our local cab companies lost properties are jam packed with DSs old phones, credit card holders, keys and driving licences. I have also had early morning whispered phone calls like "Can you pick me up?" "Where are you?" "In a girl's bed" "Are you in [hometown]?" "I don't know I think so" "You need to wake her up and get a postcode" "Ok". Have also picked him up from park benches and fields in the past. Take heart though he's 27 now, drives his own car and works long hours so rarely goes out it's just a phase.

It's so difficult, I hate this stage!
I worry about DD mostly because I was the kind of teen who walked miles home or got lifts from strangers, who would allow random blokes to buy me drinks etc.
My DD is more sensible I think, she certainly doesn't get as drunk as I used to.
The taxi situation is the cause of arguments, we live a 10 minute walk from the town centre, however on a busy night you can wait an hour for a taxi. If she's on her own DD feels less vulnerable walking home than she does waiting for a taxi with lots of drunk people. DH categorically disagrees and says she should wait. I'm on the fence.

She should always have a charged phone and money for a cab home, even if she does have some other plan, that's fair enough to expect. Make sure she's stays with her friends (or at least one) and she will be fine!

However I dont think clubs are what you think they are, depends where she is one he country but most clubs are just drunk teenagers dancing, with some snogging/fumbling in the corner.

I've got into VIP areas just by asking on the door, sometimes if you meet a club rep in the street they can give you access, or if you book in advance. Theres loads of reasons why you might end up in the VIP area and almost all of them don't involve sleazy men!

flatpack why were you picking your DS up from some girls bed? Can he not make his own way home?

Not if he didn't know where he was no

1. the bouncers let attractive girls into the VIP area for free to attract more men to pay entry - happens all he time.or, it's free you just have to know someone.

2. so long as the bloke didn't get in the taxi with them he was just drunk and feeling lucky which clearly didn't happen.

Have a chat about personal safety. Let her spread her wings and in a few years she'll be so bored of it.

I always told mine they could call me at any hour to collect them rather than take any risks with lifts home. They didn't take advantage of that but used it in emergencies.
I would be worried about the drinking too much bit but it does take a while for them to learn their limits

Not looking forward to this with my son! He’s at the house party stage but too young for clubs just yet. WRT getting home, if you can afford to, could you tell her that there will be an emergency £20 for a taxi so just get in one. Obviously review situation if she does it every time!

Thanks all, you are reassuring me. Maybe I'm thinking that clubs these days are like the nasty ones of the 80s that I remember.

My mum used to set her alarm for 3,30am and come and pick me up!!!

I would put £20 in an envelope in a drawer at the front door so that she can always get a taxi home and there will be money to pay it.