Abortion grief - does it sneak up on anyone else?

[TakeHands8]

I had an abortion last year and really, really struggled to come to terms with it afterwards. I ended up with PTSD and had a couple of therapy sessions earlier this year. I developed really bad anxiety, but since the therapy things are much better. In early September I stopped having anything to do with the baby's dad and it actually has really helped and I stopped regretting the abortion.

Then last night I woke up struggling to breathe, and today I feel so down and I miss my baby and it feels like I'm back where I was months ago again. I was feeling so much better & I don't know where it's come from.

Does anyone have a similar experience? I'm terrified all the anxiety and grief will come back when I thought I was better. I'm due on so maybe it's hormones playing within my head?

Sorry you've been having a tough time. Is it possible you were dreaming about the baby/abortion? I find during periods of anxiety that my brain can throw out distressing dreams that can really floor me for a day or two. If you've been feeling better, I'd maybe give it a few days and see if the feelings pass again.

Or maybe your brain is starting to explore the next level of emotions.

You are grieving and the healing process might not be linear. Xxx

Thank you! Maybe I was dreaming about it - I did wake up thinking about it. Maybe it's because it's coming up to Christmas and it happened around Christmas. I loved Christmas so much and now it's tarnished.

I think it's very normal, especially given it sounds as if you were conflicted about the abortion from the start. I had an abortion when I was 18 (I'm 34), and it took years before I got to a place where I could sort out my emotions and responses to it. I can still get upset about it, though I'm much better at spotting the things that are likely to take me into a spiral of feeling sad. IMO something that's really not talked about enough is the fact that, even if abortion is absolutely the right and most sensible choice, you may still feel very sad or emotional, and those feelings aren't something you can just dismiss.

Thank you. Sorry to hear about your experience

I wasn't very conflicted - I never wanted kids & I had an abortion without ever really thinking about it, then I got such a huge shock at the hormones and emotions afterwards. For months I physically craved the baby, then it got better, then it's returned out of the blue today.