I think I'm being unreasonable but I can't help how I feel, it's not fair on him.. Should I leave him??

[Ejkipb]

So.... I don't know whether it's the best thing for me to leave my Partner.. when we met I knew that he smoked weed at night to calm himself down before sleeping, I am fine with that.. But then a few months in to living together I noticed that he was smoking it during the day sometimes too. At first it didn't bother me; but I have two children so the last thing I want is the house smelling like weed. I told him my concerns and we spoke, he said that he wanted to quit anyway and he did. He stopped smoking completely for 2 months. He bragged to his family about how proud he was of himself and I was so proud of him too! He told me he was really happy with himself and didn't want to start smoking again at all so he was going to take his smoking box to his friends who he used to smoke with as he didn't have a use for it anymore....

Well...

He came home with weed. He told me that day that he missed it and was going to start again but only every now and again. He smoked every night for 5 days after he got it.. Then stopped for a couple of days and smoked again. He has had two days off work when I have been in work.. Both days I have come home and the house smells of weed. I'm really unhappy but I have no right to say anything as he smoked long before we were together :/

So what if he smoked before you met? He told you he would stop and he didn't. He doesn't care about your kids.

If it's your house kick his sorry arse out. ASAP.

Weed smokers (at that level) are wasters

Yes of course you should leave him. It's irrelevant that he did it before he was with you. You have children fgs...do you want them to live in a house that stinks of weed?

That is gross, If he can't even be arsed to smoke outside (and any health visitor would be unimpressed with a house that reeked of weed) I would be dumping him.

Yes you should leave him
Your children shouldn't be brought up around illegal drugs. I know it's only weed but it's still illegal.

Thing is, he doesnt ever do it when the kids are in the house, and if they are here in bed he will smoke outside. It's only the past couple of days I have come home and the house smells of it. The kids aren't here they are at their dad's. I'm annoyed because I was so proud of him. He's not a waster, he works full time in a very good job. He justifies it because he still works full time and is a productive guy.

It's hard isn't it when it's something that sort of creeps up rather than being clear to start with. I would just put it to him in really simple terms, 'I thought I was signing up to living with someone who smoked a joint or two at night, after my kids were in bed so it doesn't impact their lives whatsoever. What I actually got is someone who smokes enough for the smell to be around in the house and for my kids to sometimes be in the presence of someone under the influence of weed and that wasn't the deal. You now need to decide whether you can live up to what you promised about how our lives together would be, or whether you need to move out.'

He's slowly pushed the boundary so I get why you're struggling to know where to draw the line but this isn't what you signed up for and it isn't what you want for your DC so it's time to speak up.

No that's the thing. The kids are never ever around him when he has smoked, he only ever does it when they are in bed or when they are at their dad's. But even though they aren't here.. Walking in to the smell of weed makes me really angry. I've never smelt it in the house before it's only now whilst they're away he's obviously thinking it's okay. But I just don't like it it's horrible. He talks different like he's tired and his eyes go a glazed and yet he doesn't see why I have an issue with it

Same message applies even if it's 'only' you being exposed to it. He led you to believe it wouldn't impact on you at all, but it is.

I smoke, quite openly and would be honest with a new partner.
Never in a million years would I smoke in a non smokers house! He is taking the piss massively there. He will be stopping for a couple of days as after the five days on he will have run out!

It doesn't matter if your dc are there or not, your house will reek, it will get into their clothes, stuff they wear to school. the stuff they take to their dad's etc.

If it's noticed it may or may not be raised as a safeguarding concern, probably will be noted in their records. No one is really that bothered if he smokes. It is the exposing it to your children that is the issue.

The people I knew who smoked weed long term had real personality changes. I'd leave over this, regardless of if he did it before you met.

That is my worry. I have expressed this concern to him and his response is just that he knows people who have smoked all their life and never been affected. I have known people to have severe personality changes later in life from it but he just sees that he knows people who haven't so it's a circle we just keep going round in xx

It doesn't matter if he was doing it when you met - it's your home and you have to make the decision that's right for you and your kids.

He's obviously not going to stop smoking weed
Is this a dealbreaker? It should be

Would be a complete deal breaker for me.

It doesn't really matter if you seem reasonable to him or not. The fact is it bothers you so you're quite within your rights to end the relationship because of it.

I've smoked weed and known many people who do. In my experience, people who still habitually smoke it over the age of 25 tend to be tedious fuckers and I'd want nothing to do with them.

I've lost countless friends who became unmotivated, selfish zombies from smoking too much weed.

It's no different to getting drunk every night.

I wouldn't put up with either to be honest. Sorry OP, he has made his choice

You're allowed to leave if you want to, even if you knew beforehand you can change your mind. If it's not working for you then it's just not.