Just finished my third 7 day solo parenting week and I’m fucking knackered

[DonaldDucksTowel]

I don’t think my thread title makes sense, sorry I couldn’t make it sound right

Basically my DP has worked 7 days a week for the last three weeks now and is scheduled to do the same for the rest of November, then 6 day weeks in December and back to 7 day weeks again in January

We have 4 DC aged between 9 years and 9 months and I am absolutely fucking exhausted

I don’t know if I’m going to be able to realistically do this until the end of Jan

My 7 year old had an epic tantrum yesterday and for the first time ever I rang DP at work and cried down the phone because I just couldn’t fucking be arsed with it

I don’t know how single parents do it I really don’t and I’ve already told DP if we ever split up he’s having the kids full time 🙈

I really need a break

No point to this post, Just a bit of a self indulgent moan really
Life is hard

Not quite the same but I've done 4 weeks of lone parenting Mon-Fri. We have a 6yo, almost 4yo and a disabled 10 month old. I have Arthritis!!

DP isn't home next weekend, I'm dreading it already.

It's not at all comparable to actually being a single parent though as even if your partner isn't physically about, they are still there.

A few weeks of lone parenting isn't the same as being a single parent . I'd hate to do it on my own full time, but lots people don't have the choice.

Did I say it was the same? Don’t think I did

I’ll join you OP. DH has been away for a fortnight on a training course. Put up in a lovely hotel, all meals paid for, not getting up really early every day and with access to a gym and spa he’s come home very tired...He’s got further courses lined up where he’s away from home.
Meanwhile here at home I’ve had to juggle a teething 18 month old, teenage stepchildren, work, and I too am exhausted. I’ve also recently lost my Dad and the other day it all got too much and I sat and sobbed.
Hats off to single parents - I don’t know how you manage it and you have my full admiration.
To also whinge a bit further, I took the toddler out yesterday afternoon so DH could watch the rugby and have a beer. Today I asked him to watch the toddler so I could get some jobs done around the house. He’s now in a massive huff........
Stay strong OP. Join me in a well deserved glass of wine.

Did I say you said it was the same?????

I'm merely talking from my own perspective. I know that temporary lone parenting (which I am also doing, you aren't the only one!!) isn't the same as being a lone parent and I'm making that distinction about my own situation.

You really have had a bad week if you need to be so snipey!!

Sounds bloody miserable donald, I find I overreact when I’m on my own for long stretches because I’m mentally overloaded - any chance you can call in any support, family babysitters or paid?

You’ll have 500 kind mumsnetters posting to tell you how it’s not the same as single parenting - doesn’t sound like much fun though for either you or your dh.

Ive done it 24/7 for years with no DP & no family. No babysitters.

I work/cry/sleep/eat

I last went out-out nearly 6 years ago.

But there is NO way I could do it with 4 DC

Autumnfairy82 I hope you laughed in his face when he said he was knackered
I’m really trying not to get into a competitive tiredness row with DP but I think he’s forgetting that while he’s working full time 7 days a week that so am I! Then he comes in from work expecting to have a rest because he’s ‘been at work all week’ and I still have to keep working - it’s pissing me right off but I haven’t even the energy to talk to him about it right now, I never see him I just want our little evening time together to be nice

Yes let’s drink all the wine

Also I don’t know why anyone thinks saying ‘you’re not the only one’ is comforting when someone is having a hard time. I’m sure m, this being Sunday night, there are loads of us just sitting down after a lot of chores, squabbling children etc.

oh I feel for you.
dh away on business and I'm afraid dc are a bit feral.
screen time restriction? what restriction?
we will cope, but dh better not expect to walk into a pristine house upon return,

That is hard. My now ex started 7 day shifts after he went back to work when our 4th son was born, worked 7 2 off then on his days off I did 2 12 hour shifts as a nurse then on it went, I was bloody shattered, he was too. They say those kind of shifts really affect a relationship and it’s true.

Hope things improve for you soon OP.

That's a lot. And with your dp working those hours I daresay he's knackered too and it must be hard for you to organise family or rest time.

Is this 100% necessary? If so, so you have family who could help or some money to get some help? I've just had my 4th and DH is working a lot, a friend's 17 year old comes over one afternoon a week to help after school until after bed and sometimes on a weekend too. She likes the extra cash and flexibility Vs a shop job and i find that a bit of company and a spare pair of hands is so lovely.

Ok - I always wonder with threads like this why people had families and what specifically they find so hard?

I was a lone parent and I don’t ever remember weeping with despair!

Im actually a lone parent, but im not here to compete.

When my marriage very suddenly and unexpectedly fell apart and ex-dh moved to the other side of the country I felt as you do every other minute, I had no idea how I'd keep the juggling act going, and combined with the absolute emotional pain and exhaustion I was experiencing (and hiding from DC) it was exhausting.

However I found my groove. I actually find it much easier to be a lone parent as I don't have to negotiate or compromise with another adult, I run my house how I like! My day is calm and organised, even with very young children at home, and I actually achieve more in a day now than I ever did before. Im still knackered at 7pm, but I can spend my evening how I like or go to bed at half 7!
So I guess that's how actual lone parents do it.

Luckily (and I don't mean this in a snipey way) you aren't actually 'lone', so count your blessings, hug your dh close when you see him, enjoy knowing there's someone out there who loves you and will come home to you, and try to make the most of running your own show in the mean time!

And I always wonder why you’d come into a thread where someone is having a hard time and minimise them. If you think their concerns are trivial, choose another thread. It depends on your overall support network doesn’t it, as well as whether you have a dp or not.

• I always wonder with threads like this why people had families and what specifically they find so hard?

I was a lone parent and I don’t ever remember weeping with despair*

Oh dear, does someone need to feel they’re the best at mummying?

Tiredness is so hard to deal with at times OP. Could you enlist help from anywhere? A babysitter so you can have an evening to yourself even if it’s only a long bath and a nap?

Anyone who could take kids for playdayes? Say you’ll return the favour in the new year?

I do not for a second think I’m the best at mummying - the opposite actually. I genuinely wonder what I missed!

I AM a single parent. 3 children under the age of 3. I am at home, on my own, drinking wine, eating crisps and watching Netflix. My children are with their father. My nasty bastard abusive stbxh.

I highly recommend being a single parent!!!

immummynoiam I do have a lovely mum and I go to hers one morning a week and she plays with the little two and feeds me endless cups of tea - that’s my favourite day of the week at the moment
I do see people during the day it’s more either end of the day that I wish there was someone around, the witching hours in particular atm are draining me

redsummershoes screen time restriction? Ahahahahaha no! Screens are my second parent 🤷🏻‍♀️

Stuckforthefourthtime unfortunately it is necessary for now, we got totally fucked over by some builders in the summer and we are in a huge financial hole right now

Kaykay i can absolutely see it affecting our relationship, I just hope it’s not going to have to be for too much longer

& to all of us in the same boat
Although not too much because we’ve got the whole day to do again tomorrow 😟

Why is he working 7 days a week?! Poor fella

Ah dinner and the bedtime routine - my least favourite part of the day except for the stories! Just go to bed will you? My dh did bedtime for one dc for the first time in weeks in the week and he didn’t do the bedtime wee - guess what happened?

I find having a cast iron set of times per dc helps for homework (for older ones), dinner, bath and each bedtime so that I stay on track.

I’m a slow typer

Curls I know I do realise I’m very lucky, he’s a good egg and I really do miss him atm for you, I’m glad you’re happier now

Jacques I never feel I can ask anyone to have 4 DC at once, it really is a lot isn’t it, although I could send them to various places I suppose, I always feel a bit cheeky but maybe suggesting a swap would be a good way to go about it thank you for the suggestion

Ohio you enjoy your night off, sounds like you’ve been through the mill and bloody deserve it can I come round??

huggy we’re in the shit with money atm since some builders utterly fucked our house up then disappeared without a trace leaving us with no flooring, unsafe electrics, holes in ceilings and no roof!
Our house is habitable now but there’s still a lot to do and we’ve already got into quite a lot of debt fixing what we have already fixed
and having to live in a hotel for a while

immummynoiam seriously why don’t they just go to bloody sleep?! If someone made me a warm drink, ran me a hot bath, gave me a massage, tucked me up in bed and read me a gentle story I’d be asleep before my head hit the pillow! 3 year olds? Not so much 🤦🏻‍♀️
I’ve discovered since doing it solo that our bedtime routine was very, erm, fluid shall we say? I’m definitely trying to tighten things up, especially in regards to the older two, they can do much for themselves than I think I’ve ever given them the opportunity to

Sounds exhausting.

I don't find it tiring looking after my DC by myself if my oh isn't there but they are 8 and 10 and there's only 2 of them!

If I had to look after 4 by myself and one was a baby, I think I'd pass out from exhaustion.

You need to have a day off whilst you are still in full throttle. Allow yourself a day off.

formerbabe sometimes I fantasise about how life would be if we’d stopped at 2 🙈 that’s really awful isn’t it!

Ohio I’ve been thinking I might ask my mum to have the younger 2 to sleep over one night soon so the rest of us can exhale a little bit, we can have a full nights sleep and the day doesn’t have to start so early - I always feel so guilty asking for help though! Maybe I’ll just text her right now and bite the bullet 🙈

Thank you all for indulging me in my whinging by the way, I don’t want to burden DP with it because he’s knackered to so I actually feel better for having a bit of a loan

Now I need to go do packed lunches and iron uniforms 😩