Why do I feel so down?

[MiseryMummy]

I’ve NC’d. Apologies for the pity party. I’m pregnant and unwell and just feel utterly miserable. Don’t really know what I want from this thread...

I feel so miserable. Since falling pregnant with DS (now 10 months old) I feel like my life has changed so much. It was getting back to some semblance of a new ‘normal’, but now I’m pregnant again (4 months) and it’s gone back to being all about pregnancy and babies.

I feel like shit all the time. My immune system is non-existent so I’m constantly unwell. I don’t sleep so I’m knackered. I don’t eat healthily so feel sluggish and fat. I don’t have any energy to do any exercise. I look horrendous and wearing shitty maternity clothes as well.

My life is boring. I do nothing for myself, nothing fun or interesting. I get up, sort DS out, go to work, get home and pretty much go to bed. Weekends I’m too knackered to do anything and spend the whole days sitting in my PJs until it’s bedtime (8ish!)

I don’t have any friends. Well, I do but we don’t stay in touch regularly. I have one locally, who for some reason I feel she’s “gone off” me in the last few weeks. I feel horrendously jealous when I see that she’s been out doing things and having fun with other friends.

My relationship with DP is ... I don’t know. We’re engaged, getting married next year. But I feel we have no time for each other. We barely talk. Never have sex. He gets annoyed at me for being boring. I get irritated at him for everything, which makes him feel like crap.

I just hate everything right now

Also, I feel like I’m rubbish with DS. DP always says I’m a good mum, but I don’t believe him. I don’t know how to interact with him. I feel like he doesn’t want to play with me.

I admit I spend far too much time just looking at my phone while he entertains himself I’m a terrible mother.

How am I going to cope with two?

Anyone? I thought someone would be along to tell me to get a grip...

Have considered you might have PND?

You have a 10month old and are currently 4 months pregnant. I don't think anyone would be expecting you to be the epitome of sunshine and glory.

It's bloody tough and relentless. Everything becomes somewhat of a blur - one day fades into another and then another and before you know it you don't even care what is what anymore.

What, if you could, would be some of the changes you would like to make?

I know it's oft said, but it is true: Be kind to yourself.

Have considered you might have PND?

It had crossed my mind. But I don’t know, some days I don’t feel too bad. Other days I feel really down (like today... and the past 4 days).

I don’t know what I can even do to make it better. Reconnect with DP? Some days I feel like why am I planning a wedding with someone I barely talk to. But I do love him, he’s amazing, I just feel like I can’t see that right now. Eat better, exercise, do something fun don’t know where to start with any of those.

Hi Op, I hated being pregnant and also the newborn stage. I only really got interested in my son when he turned 10m. I couldn't imagine then being 4 months pregnant as well. Was this pregnancy planned? If not then that might be one of the reasons you're feeling down.

One thing at a time.

Reconnecting with DP is crucial here. He needs to share the load. You say he's amazing and you love him. Have you been shutting him out of sharing these feelings/emotions?

The pregnancy was planned although happened much quicker than expected. We decided to TTC in a few months (around now) but found out about the baby just a couple of days after that decision was made. So kind of planned...

DP is very good at knowing when something is wrong. He knows when I’m feeling down, though doesn’t really know why and I can’t really articulate it to him. I haven’t told him that sometimes I doubt/worry about the wedding...

I don't have much to say except I really sympathise with you. My DS is 8 months and I've had a really gruelling few days with him, and I'm not even pregnant so I can only imagine how you're feeling.
It's just really bloody hard isn't it. But I'm sure you're doing a fantastic job x

If you feel like you might have postnatal/antenatal depression (and it certainly sounds possible), you should go and make an appointment with your GP.

Put the wedding right on hold. You dont need added pressure. Do it in a good few years.

You sound exhausted.
Are you eating & sleeping.

One of the worst things is just feeling isolated from friends. I can’t remember the last time I went out or did anything remotely sociable so hate myself for feeling so jealous of seeing my friend’s pictures of her going out over the weekend, and resentful when DP makes plans to go out and do things.

The wedding is mostly paid for & invites sent. We won’t get our money back if we cancel it now. We did mention this as an option a while ago, but DP said that if we put it on hold it’s suggesting to everyone that we’re having issues and are splitting up.

It’s suggesting to everyone that we’re having issues and are splitting up or does DP actually think this?

I wouldnt give a stuff what guests thought about my personal life.

You need to rest & it doesnt sound as if you can

EradicatetheDoubt I seem to spend a lot of time ‘resting’ (ie not doing very much) when I’m not at work. Still feel exhausted though. I suspect a crap diet of toast beige food isn’t helping.

If I were to go to the GP, what would they do to help? I can’t take ADs during pregnancy.

martingoresnipplechain sorry to hear you’ve had a tough few days with your little one

Oh you must be exhausted, I can't imagine raising a 10m old whilst pregnant, I found it hard with a three year old! Is there anyone who can babysit your baby so you and your dp can have a date night maybe? Even just to go out for an hour and sit and chat, sounds like you need a break and hard to get with a baby I know. Having a little one can be so isolating, have you found any baby groups you could get to that may help you bond more with your little one and make some friends with children of similar ages? I really sympathise with you. Also agree you may want to speak to your gp about post natal depression

Could you alk to your H.V?

When you are resting, are you on your phone? Thats still making your mind busy.

Do you manage to take baby out in the pram to clear your head?

Yes, resting on MN I do find it doesn’t make for very good rest, but struggle to put it down.

I rarely leave the house except to go to work. There’s no reason for me to do so. No where to go, no one to meet up with.

Feel so pathetic

Also with regards to feeling isolated, I completely get you. I don't do anything apart from baby related activities and I've just moved to a new area so I don't know anybody! I think having friends in similar circumstances makes all the difference doesn't it.

Well to me what stood out was that you don't do anything for yourself. If this is true and everything is about your baby then it seems natural you'll get down. You need to have different time doing whatever you want whether that's having a bath or going out or whatever.

It also sounds like you need to reconnect together and have good times together. Cos relationships need that.

That in itself might make you feel better

purpleme12 yes, you’re right. I don’t think I will feel so resentful of DP doing things if I can do things as well. And I won’t feel so jealous of everyone else having a good time if at least I can enjoy DP’s company every once in a while.

Hi OP, firstly as others have said; it is relentless! You must feel the daily monotony of getting up, making breakfast, getting DS ready, bla bla bla, day in day out.. and that's ok, it doesn't mean you're a crap mum or aren't grateful to be a mum. Pregnancy is awful and I felt so so unwell in mine that I couldn't feel the excitement and wonder and gratitude that others felt, then I felt guilty for not feeling those things.. then when the baby was here I felt even worse! So I totally get it.

Firstly I think you definitely need things for yourself, things away from DS and DP, just entirely for you, is there anything you used to enjoy doing? Or anything new you could try? Something utterly selfish?

Totally know what it feels like to be 'resting' (on Mumsnet) a lot of the time too. You probably feel totally stuck in a rut!

Consider going to the GP/health visitor for support, as others have said. No one will judge you or think you're a crap mum! You don't sound it :-) xx