Do people listen to you? Because they don't listen to me

[Mochh]

I cannot get people (well, men mostly) to listen to me.

Recent example, lunch with 4 men:
Man 1: the bill is £80, shall we split it
Me: sure, between the five of us it's £16 each
Man 2: does anyone have a calculator?
Me: it's £16 each
Man 3: hang on I'll get my phone
Me: it's £16 each puts £16 on the table
Man 3: £16 each guys
Man 1: amazing, thanks man 3.

I work in a very male dominated environment and this comes up over and over again in social and work situations. I am softly spoken but not to the point that I can't be heard. I am quietly confident, smart and competent. I interject in meetings and everyone stops talking and looks at me BUT THEY DON'T HEAR WHAT I SAY. And then a couple of minutes later one of the guys has a brainwave and repeats my idea... when this happens I point out that I said it first and they all look bewildered.

If you don't have this problem please tell me what I'm doing wrong.

Mansplaining...no fun at all.

Yup, I have this problem too.

Yep, I know what you mean. It's shit. Happens all the time.

I work in a completely male dominated environment (men's luxury products) and negotiated a deal with a company to supply a very rare product to one of our stores at a retail price of £50,000.

The three Male managers involved kicked up a huge fuss about the risk involved, the retail price, the cost etc. All apart from the lovely store manager I'd been working with. He believed in me.

The product sold in less than a week of arriving. I arrived into work to find them all backslapping with the CEO on their success, kings of the universe as they were. No one said a thing to me, all day.

Only in the monthly report did I get a mention from the lovely store manager that I'd been the reason for their £35,000 hike in profit in one day.

Wankstains.

I've heard it referred to as hepeating

I work in a heavily male environment and have always expected to have this problem...but I don't. In fact I find I can be the person that brings the idea the ignored person raised to the public focus, though I promise I try very hard to credit the originator

I say things like I really agree with X that Y is the best way forward...and people say, oh that's great...sorry X didn't realise you said that.

I don't know why this phenomenon occurs. It does seem more to do with stereotyping based on demeanor. Some people are just assumed to be the doers and leaders in a group....they somehow command peoples attention, while the people with great ideas are ignored.

I find this very uncomfortable sometimes. There are two groups I am currently sitting in on just to help out if relevant, but 5 mins in and every comment is being addressed to me and my opinion is sort on every issue. I wish I could stop doing whatever it is I am doing! I keep having to tell them they need to lead it themselves...this is men who are older, more experience and better paid than me. It really makes no sense.

My only thought is eye contact. I always make eye contact and look interested in what the person speaking is saying....this seems to cause them to direct their attention to me also.

You've just made me realise that my dh does this with me!

In your example from the OP, start using people’s names.

It would have been much harder for him to ignore you if you’d said “Alan, it’s £16”

You need to same the name quite assertively and get eye contact.

My DH does this with me but I call him out on it! Don’t have it at work because I’m gobby and can be really sarcastic

This happens to me, but with everybody, make and female. That's a very good tip about using people's names and being more direct.

Develop a wise guy routine. It can't be even slightly arsey so it's hard to hit the spot, but it pulls them up in a no-lose way.

Man 3: £16 each guys
Man 1: amazing, thanks man 3.
Woman 1: Jesh my invisibility cloak is working well today
Or
Woman 1: Yep exactly what I've been saying.

I don't get this but I tend to be quite assertive. When I notice women getting this it's generally because they sound hesitant: "I think it's £16", "Is it £16? or whatnot. We women don't hear that as hesitant but as forming consensus; men hear we are not sure.

I work in a female heavy environment and have no problems at work and we all listen to one another.

At home - dh and two older sons, I'm always pointing out that they've ignored something I've said - usually once they've got into difficulty and I've had to tell them that they were told. They'll then deny that I told them. I just explain that they ignore me and shrug now. If they're happy to get into difficulties then I let them crack on.

I think men are just arrogant and love the sound of their own voices.