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So... who's up for a Janet and John Christmas round robin letter?

73 replies

SophiaLovesSummer · 10/11/2018 17:39

If there's a thread already please point me to it as couldn't find it using search but it is now nearly that special time of year where we all want to know about John's attic growing antics and Janet's bunions and their DC's wildly over the top achievements this year! Have been some utter corkers in the past, will try and see if can link to them Grin

I'm up for doing one for someone and looking for someone to do my DSis's please? Here, have some Wine and Cake as thanks in advance...

OP posts:
Myselfonashelf · 24/11/2018 21:07

I have started to compose mine. Might need some one to post it. Not sure which location will be best. Cannot be S Wales or SW England really.

Zorayda · 24/11/2018 21:21

I'm absolutely up for this. I'm Cardiff-based for postmark. If anybody feels inspired to write from outside S Wales as a Janet and Roy who've retired from expat postings please PM me. Equally happy to tailor a contribution Grin

elephantoverthehill · 24/11/2018 22:14

Oooh I would love to see your compositions.

Witchend · 24/11/2018 22:44

I think you have to rely on people choosing the recipients as people that would find this funny.

My dm would find it funny once you'd explained, but she would take it so calmly and probably just put it away and never mention it, so would be a total waste.

Some of dh's family would be the perfect ones to do it on in that they could be very wound up (you see their dc are the best at everything) and we'd hear for the rest of the year how their dc were doing better and they'd never admit they hadn't heard of the people sending it either. They'd have a reason why these people who they met at

Witchend · 24/11/2018 22:45

Just noticed this. Grin

Janet and Roy

GirlFliesHome · 27/11/2018 19:35

Right...this is my effort. Inspired plagiarised in no small part by Sophias.

Dear [Girl Flies Home Mum and Dad] ,

Well, it’s that time of year and my hasn’t the year flown by. This year has been slightly more difficult Chez Janet and Roy, but we are thankful that the natural resilience and good cheer we are both blessed with has seen us through the darker days and we look forward to more sunny times ahead.

Roy continues in his role as Captain of the Golf Club. That is just the sort of man he is…. Always mindful of his obligations to the community and refusing to bow down to the pressures brought to bear. In our defence we can only say that of course we all thought Jim was going to be a marvellous addition, what with his famed green fingers, so it was rather a shock to discover that the only thing he wanted to rub his mulch into was Janet. But we put that little blip behind us, although the monthly pot-luck suppers in our little cul-de-sac did take on the merest essence of frisson. Roy still maintains that Janet’s pinwheels are much better than Sandra’s. You probably saw the pictures on Instgram so you can judge for yourself.

Pam is back from her cruise to Cancun which I am sure you have all cauht up on. What a fascinating time she had! We were as surprised as you to hear she had gone with Beverley, and can only say that it is a good thing most surfaces are easily wiped clean nowadays. I do think her new hairstyle suits her though.

Roy is singing once again at the nativity and his Nessum Dorma is a delight. His pitch really is quite extraordinary- especially considering the op he had – but he always did have a special talent. Our darling granddaughter Minty seems to have inherited this gift though I do think it is unkind for Colin and his new lady love to hold their hands over their ears when she sings ‘the wheels on the bus’. Sad to say there does not seem to be the patter of little feet on the horizon. Gill is a career girl. Aren’t the young lucky nowadays to have so many choices available to them!

And talking of buses, that brings us to our next trip in the New Year. Yes!!!! We shall be taking a coach across the Europe! Quite daring considering no-one what will happen after Brexit. It is something we may not have dared risk before, but the new pills have done wonders for Janet’s tummy and besides the toilets on these coaches nowdays really are fit for purpose. Roy is looking forward to new vistas and indulging his new passion for sand art. It all just looks like sand in glass bottlesto Janet but Roy assures that he is most deeply inspired by the great Japanese masters of Bonseki

We have almost finished with the renovations. Paul and Annie opposite seem to have been inspired by our endeavours and put in bi-fold doors, which they insist on opening at every hint of sunshine. We don’t dare tell them that these are now considered de trop . Janet and Denise flew to Shanghai in May to source wallpaper and the painted lilies look incredible even if we do say ourselves. We can’t wait to show Helen next time she comes….. in 9 to 12 months.

Well, we will leave it there for this year. We should be down your way on the 28th so will drop in. Decaf for Roy!

Lots of love, Janet and Roy.

[Like I said upthread.... the Dparents know I am behind it. They get amusement because they do not know where the letter is going to come from each year...Jersey this year. )

Myselfonashelf · 27/11/2018 20:31

That's brilliant. Mid composing here.
Have also used some bits from past letters posted online and added a few bits of our own.
Been in stitches writing it. Janet and Roy do like to blow their own trumpet font they!!

Nunyabusiness · 27/11/2018 21:38

Ohhhh count me in!!

elephantoverthehill · 27/11/2018 22:20

Righty ho! I've always got this far on these threads. Do I wait for someone to PM me with a name and address? From my end it would be quite funny being sent from Jersey for my intended recipient.

Witchend · 29/11/2018 16:47

A long one:

Dear All our Friends,

As you can imagine it’s been another exciting year in our household; I know you’ve all been dying to hear from us as we finished the last letter with saying we had some exciting news to tell you in January.

We were slightly surprised to find more of you didn’t contact us to find out, but can only assume that you thought that news of us is like a vintage wine-best left for a special occasion.

What we did think we would be telling you was that Roy had applied for a new job, which I’m sure you all would agree was a perfect fit. We decided against it after careful thought as his current firm was so upset to hear about it, that they petitioned head office with over a thousand signatures-amazing from a company with only two hundred and fifty employers. In all honesty, we’re not sure what they would do without him as he really is the mainstay not just of his department, but the whole company.

Janet is continuing to be fantastic at home. She was elected onto our local village committee this year. She came in with a bang and carefully explained at her first meeting how the committee (who have run many events over the last twenty years, so really do need some forceful guidance) had been going wrong. She’s been so successful in transforming the committee that several of them have finally felt able to retire from the committee. It was a pity that meant that there weren’t enough people left to organise either the village fireworks or the Christmas light switch on, so they didn’t run for the first time in twenty years. She’s been canvassing for more people to help, but she seems to be very unfortunate in when she calls people seem to be just on their way out. We do have a busy village!

One of the highlights of our year is always our holidays abroad. We like to choose somewhere fairly quiet, off the beaten track, as it were, so we can see the side of places that most people don’t see. It was unfortunate this year that we were advised due to security issues not to leave the hotel, but the three swimming pools, jacuzzi, spa, gym (not that we spent long there!) and the all day holiday club meant that we could have a thoroughly relaxing time while the children were looked after. We didn’t see them except to say goodnight at the end of the day, so you can know they had a brilliant time.

Speaking of the children, they have both continued to amaze us. We have to admit to being slightly disappointed at Zephaniah’s last parents’ evening that the staff didn’t stand up to applaud when we arrived. If you had seen his last report, you would understand why we felt this was appropriate. Anyway his teacher (who doesn’t always seem to get his brilliance) managed to say that she’d never taught a child like him and that he brought something unique to the classroom. They said he was a born leader and was full of ideas, but needed to learn to listen to other people too. Obviously they’re not used to managing children like him in the classroom, as I’m sure the other children are not producing ideas of the same calibre so why should he listen to what he knows before they start won’t be as good. Janet is having to teach him Japanese in the evenings because he’s getting so bored being expected to conform to the rest of the children. As you can imagine he’s lapping this up! It’s such a challenge keeping up with him.

In the summer we took him to a trip round Oxford so he could start to consider colleges. He’s very taken with several so we think it will take some time to make up our mind which one will stretch him fast enough. Obviously we have nearly ten years for him to decide which one is his favourite, but it’s good he has a head start on everyone else.

He is such a sociable child too. We went out for a meal with our friends from Paris (only a one star Michelin this time unfortunately!) and he made us laugh so much. He went round all the people asking for the bit of their meal he liked best. So sweet! He’s such a charmer, everyone gave way to him. If they didn’t initially offer it, he came back and asked again. He knows just how to wheedle everyone.

Annabel-Mae is just as adorable. She was the talk of the ballet show last summer-everyone said so. It was a pity that her only dance was on the back row but I think it was because she was overshadowing all the others. She improvised her own dance when all the others went off, and even sang to make her own music. We were so proud of her.

She’s started school this year and her teachers adore her already. The head said to me only last week that they’d thought Zephaniah couldn’t be topped but it looked likely Annabel-Mae might. Her class teacher added that we’d done it again, and we had to laugh and agree.

The school nativity was quite a disappointment for us after that, as poor Annabel-Mae was given the part of third mouse, when she really should have been Mary. We went in with the certificates to prove her dancing ability (she has twice won dancer of the week in the last two years, which surely means something) and got her to sing a song of her own composition, but the teachers held firm and said that they couldn’t alter the parts. We have had to put a complaint into Ofsted about that, as we don’t want our children to feel that we don’t have their backs in times of trouble.

Other news this year is that we’ve had to get a new Audi. The last one was getting so old, we’ve never had a car beyond eighteen months before. This one is the top of the range and fitted with all manner of interesting gadgets. Sometimes we even have to look at the instruction manual to find out what they are!

Christmas, this year, we decided we didn’t want at our house. There’s so much tidying up afterwards, so we organised it to be at Janet’s sister’s place. It’s a little smaller than ours, but it means that all we have to do is turn up and go away before the washing up to leave everyone in peace. We’ve organised (must tell Janet’s sister!) for Janet’s Uncle Peter to come. He’s a leading expert in physics, so we’ve told him to come expecting to talk with Zephaniah about it over Christmas lunch. He’s not seen Janet or her sister for over five years, so he really won’t have much to talk about with them.

We are very concerned about the environment, so we have considered carefully whether to continue writing our 250 cards and letters. However a quick canvass of friends had the reaction that our letters were priceless and even though they’d only met us in passing several years ago that they showed our letters much further afield and they brought much joy.

I’ve been told it was even used to illustrate a sermon at Roy’s mother’s old church, although I’m not sure how it was connected to Jeremiah 9 v 23 “Let not the wise boast of their wisdom, or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches.” We are such humble people, so we're guessing we were being help up as an example.

Hoping to see you all soon, Janet, Roy, Zephaniah and Annabel-Mae

We’ll drop in on Boxing day on the way back from Janet’s sister’s. Don’t forget Roy has a special taste for Caymus Special Selection Cabernet Sauvignon 2014, Janet would like a 2’ square modern art painting in blues and greens to match the living room, Zephaniah is asking for the limited edition Lego Millennium Falcon and Annabel-Mae is after the Silver Cross Princess Pram. I know you like to have a little gift list so you can exchange presents. We have your favourite homemade rhubarb chutney for you, we remember how complimentary you were about it, and how keen not to finish it so we didn’t go without.

MilesUpWithMyWitch · 29/11/2018 17:09

This is brilliant.

Sand art made me laugh out loud.

Myselfonashelf · 29/11/2018 19:24

🤣🤣🤣🤣Witchend that his brilliant. Janet and Roy really are up their own arsess aren't they!!

Witchend · 29/11/2018 19:32

Myself worrying thing is that this is based round a couple I used to be acquainted with. Grin

Hezz · 13/12/2018 21:07

I've written loads of these over the years, but can't this year.

Can I suggest changing names to Pauline and Keith? Our Janet and Roy's got really popular and a quick google search will lead the recipient straight here.

Pauline and Keith doesn't give the game away Wink

Skyejuly · 14/12/2018 11:19

Oh please will someone do this for me? I can send with a suffolk post mark?

Sandsnake · 16/12/2018 22:16

I need a swap! Please! Am in the Surrey commuter belt, so classic ‘Janet and Roy’ territory... Skye - if you’re still interested I can swap with you?

Atchiclees · 17/12/2018 02:21

I have two new recipients in mind this year. One with a Matthew and one with a Nick, so will adjust accordingly:

Awfully sorry for sending this out of the blue, you must’ve thought us terribly rude to have neglected to send cards in previous years. Roy finally got round to clearing out the small attic space above the garage and found one of our suitcases in there containing Janet’s Sudoku book with your address written in the front cover. Better late then never as Roy’s dear mother would say.

Roy and I often recall the wonderful weather we had on that holiday, did you keep in touch with Sue? She left before we were able to exchange addresses. Send her our best wishes.

Janet’s jams were the talk of the Maypole Fair this year. One would have thought the vicar would’ve appreciated the addition of chilli in with the damsons, everyone knows he needs a little bit of extra spice in his life since he became so interested in Masterchef. However the ladies from the WI were in raptures over the damsons, and Janet received highly commendable for her lime and grapefruit curds.

Roy’s horticultural ventures continue, his dahlias are delightful and we often have many passers by stopping to admire the frontage. We decided against putting on a red white and blue display this year, we did not want word getting back to the Probus Club that we were supporting Ms Markle’s attempt to join into our esteemed Royal family. Ghastly woman, you’d think Harry would’ve chosen a nice young lady from finishing school like our Elizabeth. We tried in vain to encourage her to write to him after meeting him at the London Marathon but Roy fears she is a career girl and will never settle down. Elizabeth has been on several holidays back to the villa with her close friend Emma. They plan to buy a flat in London together in New Year, although their budget will only stretch to a two bedroomed garden flat due to their choosing an up and coming area. They are so focussed on their careers and studying, the girls have decided to share a bedroom and use the smaller room as office space. I do hope the opportunity will arise for Elizabeth to meet a nice young man with good prospects. Janet wonders how your Matthew is? Is he still single?

We are likely to be in your area on the evening of the 27th and Elizabeth will be joining Roy and I so we will drop in for supper. Some tea and sandwiches will suffice, but do remember Janet is gluten free and Roy avoids tomatoes due to his gout. All being well Matthew and Elizabeth will hit it off and we can plan a summer wedding (well at their age, they can’t hang around).

Janet and Roy

fairyofallthings · 17/12/2018 02:34

It's fun to read them on here but not so fun to send them, I have chronic anxiety but I am a very private person so my children, siblings and parents don't know. I'd be really wound up if I got one addressed to me as I'd think it was somebody being horrible to me because my self esteem is none existent.

TheNativityDonkey · 18/12/2018 18:37

Atchiclees that its fab. I bet your chosen recipients are puzzled to hell and taking through old holiday snaps to recall who the Janet and Roy are!!🤣
I love the pushy tomance and simmer wedding.
I posted mine off on Friday (well got a friend to the other side of the country). I would have thought my recipient would have got it by now but there's been no mention. I called my friend this afternoon hoping she might mention it but alas no!!
Will post mine later - it's very long so will need to copy and paste it.

TheNativityDonkey · 18/12/2018 18:38

Anuone else Janet and Roying this Christmas??

Atchiclees · 19/12/2018 01:30

@TheNativityDonkey oh yes, got a couple more on the go.
Fairy, I know what you’re saying. The recipients of my Janet and Roy are massive practical jokers who prank each other so I am confident I won’t cause them anxiety. Although they may suspect the other of sending the card Grin

Fletchasaurus · 19/12/2018 22:25

I wish I had seen this earlier! I would have loved one for DM and DF! Next year Xmas Sad

Atchiclees · 20/12/2018 00:55

@Fletchasaurus what about a new year card sent late because Janet and Roy were on a cruise they can boast about in their letter?

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