My 8 week old will not sleep by herself

[Kierajay96]

Any tips on how to get my 8 week old to settle by herself? At the moment she will only get to sleep if she’s being cuddled and once she’s put down she’s wide awake again and usually crying.
We’ve tried swaddling, the bouncer chairs, putting my arm in her next to me so that she can still feel me there. Running out of ideas and I’m struggling to keep up with house work & getting some time for myself.. HELP

Yeah don’t worry missy - the pp here are commenting from very different experiences and very different babies. You simply can’t compare a bottle fed, Nicu baby with a breastfed, full term baby. Indeed you simply can’t compare two breastfed, full term babies.

It’s nothing you are doing as a parent - all babies are just different.
Those being smug about ‘boundaries’ are either not bonding properly with their child or just happen to have been very lucky and got a good sleeper. This all changes with a second or third child.

Op - just enjoy the cuddles and don’t stress! They all sleep on their own in the end.

I see why you may think that but DD was full term and spent a short time in special care due to complications with my c section. We use a myhummy which works well and also indicates that it's time to sleep because she recognises the sound. I breast fed, expressed and then combination fed. Aside from the first night where the top was on the cot to warm her up (DD was unconscious anyway) we practiced kangaroo care and I actually moved into the unit to be there for every feed, change and cuddle in between. I appreciate this is quite a modern take on special care but it helps with the attachment. It sounds like OP wants just a few moments to herself and this can be done with the right routine and sleep environment. Its not easy, you have to really commit to it but for me it was absolutely worth it.

My first was like this and it was so hard. I just held him all the time from the start and never put him down and he only ever wanted to sleep that way as a result. Second baby I've cuddled but placed down to sleep since being in the hospital and she has been amazing at sleeping. She is absolutely spoiled with love and we have the most amazing bond but I just made sure she was always going down in her bed to sleep when she was tired and very rarely allowed her to fall into a proper sleep on me. Thing is, it could just be that she's a chilled out baby and if I had tried that with my first he wouldn't have settled from the beginning- I guess I'll never know! I would try warming the cot as PP said, white noise and if all else fails, baby wear during the day to get things done. Personally I would never co sleep with a baby that young- I co slept with my first but not until he was around 8 months but it's down to your own judgement

Also, I second the sleepyhead. Makes them feel secure

Black cat, you sound so awfully smug it's not nice. Some babies sleep, some don't. In my long experience, I've realised it has little to do with the parents and is much more about baby. People alluding to any future children are implying this to you - it would do you better to be more understanding, as next time you may get a Velcro baby yourself.

I get really frustrated with responses on help with sleep threads. There's obviously two types of people when it comes to this question!

There's no need to dismiss those who followed sleep routines or had babies that slept as 'lucky' or 'unable to bond'. How bloody rude! We've put in the effort to ensure our babies sleep where and when they need to. Better for baby and for Mum.

If an OP is asking for help, practical answers are of equal value (and more informative) to the 'give up and snuggle' line that is trotted out time and time again.

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Ignore the HV. Little ones this age really need to be cuddled to sleep.

And again with the smugness.
DS isnt sleeping on me because i cant be arsed with a routine. He goes down in his crib just fine. But at 5am i had been trying to resettle him for 2 hrs. He was exhausted.

Are ppl genuinely so limited that they think their baby does x so therefore all babies would? Seriously?

She's very tiny. Neither of mine did. Google the pick up put down method we had a bit of success with that.

Are ppl genuinely so limited that they think their baby does x so therefore all babies would? Seriously?

This is exactly my thoughts. Some people's babies don't sleep well so they tell everyone it's normal. Just because some Mums are happy to cuddle all day long and co-sleep doesn't mean all Mums and babies like that too.

Those commenting on sleep routines. Before I had my dd who was not a good sleeper I had absolute faith in establishing a good sleep routine. I had worked in childcare (nursery) for many years and have training and experience in various recommended sleep routines. Then I gave birth to a beautiful baby who only wanted to be held. Fair enough she has been held inside my warm cozy womb for 9 months. She would not sleep by herself and I stuck to the routine of place baby in her bassinet when sleepy and drowsy but still awake so she would learn to settle herself. If I managed to get her asleep it wouldn't last long. All babies have their own unique and innate (born with) personality and temperament. Nature vs nurture is how our innate traits work with the way we are nurtured including the environmental influence of our parents, extended family, community etc. All babies are different. One person's baby sleeps well another person's baby does not. It doesn't mean one parents routine is better than another. So many parents have told me how surprised they were when the routine they had with their first born doesn't work with their second.

Op, try different things and find what works for you. I bought a baby carrier because that gave my newborn the closeness she needed and me some freedom to use my hands and arms. As for toilet or shower if I had no-one to hold her I put her in her cot and let her cry. It wasn't easy but I reminded myself that crying won't hurt her and she was going to have me back soon. Our bassinet was like a smaller cot with castor wheels. I'd place her in there and gently push the bassinet back and forth like a rocking motion. That often got her to sleep but not always. Also white noise did not work for dd but the song I think is called 'you sexy thing' worked really well. So, just try different things and find out what works for your baby.

glasshalf

It isn't about mums liking it. It sounds like you are suggesting that this is always a choice. For some it may be. I would have loved a couple more hours kip this morning but DS was having none of it. So here I am.

Google fourth trimester - they very much like to be warm and snuggly for quite a while. I've just had my third. I'm by no means an expert bit I do have experience of different babies. You will get a multitude of advice from people BUT different things work for different babies. I tried exactly the same things with my first two and the results were so hit and miss. So take on the advice but don't think you're doing something wrong if it doesn't work for your baby.

Personally I'm a big fan of the 5S's - side, swaddle, suck, shhhh and swing. If you can do all of that then usually it helps them to go to sleep. I'm writing this as I'm currently doing exactly that with my 3wo. Have you heard of sleep cycles? Babies sleep in 20 minute sleep cycles. The theory is you should be able to put them down after 20 mins. Watch her sleep and if you feel she's in a light sleep (eyes fluttering/rolling around and a bit fidgety), then hold onto her, keeping her tight and keep your hands on her tummy/hands to stop the startle reflex. After 20 mins she should go into a deeper sleep cycle and when you feel it's safe you can put her down. I have noticed though that sometimes it's safer to wait a bit longer. Think about it this way - imagine you went to sleep in your bed and then woke up in the garden! Pretty alarming. It's the same for babies really so it's much easier if they're in a deep sleep. That being said, my second NEVER did this and was HARD. She literally only napped in the sling but the benefit of that is that you can get on and do things. Which brings me onto my final point - if all else fails try the sling!!!

Ignore your HV. You do what you want to do.

Following as I have a 6 week old who will not sleep anywhere but on me. Feel uneasy as he sleeps on my chest at night which is against SIDS advice.
During the day it's ok as I just keep him in a sling most of the time ( a sling I bought for DS1 and never used much! )

As people say, I agree it's all about the baby. My DS1 would sleep in a Moses basket and crib from the early days, we did put in a good amount of effort using some of the tips already given, but none of those work with my newborn DS2! He wakes up within 2 minutes of putting him down, regardless of how deeply he has been sleeping in my arms!

Thank you all for your support, really put my mind at ease. I’m sure she’ll get sick of cuddles eventually and I’ll look back and be grateful that she slept in my arms x

Totally normal.

If you want to do something while baby is sleeping visit a sling library; it really helped me get stuff done.

Only do the stuff you want to do though, you should be enjoying your baby not scrubbing skirting boards.

I have had 4 babies like this! It is hard at times but you get through it in the end, they grow up so soon and sometimes I want those times back!

Do you have a sling/papoose/baby carrier of some kind. They can be useful for keeping your baby close, where she wants to be, but lets you have free hands to do stuff (when you're not sleeping too - seriously, sleep when you can during the day.)

HVs and many health care professionals are obsessed with getting babies to self settle. There is nothing wrong with holding a baby for naps if that is what suits you.
Blackcats you were lucky to have a baby that didn’t scream when put her down , some babies aren’t so amenable. I did have a routine with all of mine from very early on. 2 of mine would self settle at 8 weeks but one needed to be cuddled to sleep until much older. I waited until she was in a deep sleep and then placed her in the Moses basket wrapped In a top that smelt of me. It’s not appropriate to leave a baby so young to cry but some babies have a grizzle when put down and then fall asleep.

Totally normal, don't stress, get family or hubby to do housework, my little one is 8 months and still only ever fallen asleep breastfeeding and cuddling

Some babies are just like this. When your little one gets better eyesight they might be ok with being put in a bouncy seat and watching you do a little housework.