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I feel utterly overwhelmed with stress, please please help

9 replies

UsetheforceLuke · 10/11/2018 09:03

Slight name change.

My grandma is in the process of dying. I’m NC with the majority of my family due to childhood abuse so it’s triggering lots of emotions for me, including shame and worthlessness. There’s been all sorts of trouble, I posted on here about one of my aunts shouting at me via text for leaving pictures that my son had drawn for my grandma in her care home room (which have now since disappeared I noticed), texts from my mother to my husband begging to see my son (she and the others are now blocked on both our phones), and my aunt who is keeping me updated with how grandma is has given me the impression one minute she will recover, but then oh no she actually is dying. I was discouraged from visiting grandma in her last days, I went twice anyway. It’s been dreadful.

The shame that it all has bestowed on me has reignited my depression and self hatred, I find thoughts popping in to my head calling myself a useless bitch and I am constantly beating myself up for not being stick thin/ beautiful etc. I’ve self harmed twice. I feel desperate and vulnerable and depressed. My grandad died a few months ago so I’ve already been through this once and now again. My grandparents were the only people who made me feel worth anything when I was growing up.

I have a chronic pain condition as well and my dh and I have been totally overwhelmed with stress by all these family problems along with hassle from his selfish batshit mother.

I feel like life will never ever get better and I don’t know how to pull myself out of this headspace. Please help.

OP posts:
UsetheforceLuke · 10/11/2018 09:05

In case anyone asks I’m already on antidepressants, anti anxiety medication and I had therapy.

OP posts:
UsetheforceLuke · 10/11/2018 10:09

Bump

OP posts:
SandysMam · 10/11/2018 10:11

Bless you, Flowers for your situation. You need to find peace with the family situation and focus only on your immediate family (DS and DH by the sounds of things). Hope things improve.

Sicario · 10/11/2018 10:18

You poor thing. So sorry you are going through this. Families can be totally shit sometimes. Are you able to stay quiet and gentle with yourself this weekend? Perhaps try to do something to take your mind off it? (A bit of batch cooking for the freezer or something?)

Stress and anxiety is horrible. Turn off the phones. Watch some mindless TV. Repeat to yourself: none of this is my fault and I am a good person. So so sorry that you will be losing your grandma. Be kind to yourself and remember that this too will pass. Sending hugs.

Shirleyphallus · 10/11/2018 10:19

This sounds awful op, you really need to get some help. A therapist once showed me a thing called “the mind bully” which is when your own mind speaks to you in a way you’d never stand for from someone else. CBT can help you break that cycle and step away from bullying yourself.

Can you get some help in real life?

Shirleyphallus · 10/11/2018 10:20

Sorry, just saw your second post. Think you need to get back and see your doctor

AtrociousCircumstance · 10/11/2018 10:26

Oh OP Flowers

You are valuable and worthy. You can work on reclaiming your own mind and thoughts as a source of self-love. It’s a bit woo-woo but a book called ‘You Are The Placebo’ is all about the process of changing your thinking and bringing more peace and healing into your life.

NoSquirrels · 10/11/2018 10:33

I’m so sorry, OP. Flowers

I hope your grandmother passes peacefully. It can be an uncertain and drawn-out time, and perhaps your aunt was genuinely hopeful there had been an improvement so whilst that is very stressful it’s also sort of normal, iyswim. And being discouraged to visit could well be because people like to shield others or think they know what’s best. If you want to visit you should - saying goodbye is important.

Keep blocking the rest of them, they sound very unhelpful and you don’t need shame or stress from them.

Have a watch of Brene Brown’s TED talk on shame - I hope it resonates with you.

Keep things low-key but do enough to distract yourself from your thoughts. Do you have a cupboard to clear out, or somewhere fir a woodland walk or a complicated meal or cake you’ve always meant to try. Give your brain and body something practical to do to stop the thoughts taking over.

Flowers
UsetheforceLuke · 10/11/2018 13:18

@nosquirrels thank you for reminding me of Brene Brown, I read one of her books a few years ago.

@atrociouscircumstance I like a bit of woo so I’ll look up the book on Amazon, thank you.

Planning to spend this afternoon playing Minecraft with ds and I might watch Star Wars tonight, I find both of those things comforting.

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