How to help my fab, stressed out husband

[Fujexa]

A little background: My DH is my everything. We've been together since we were teenagers (14 years now!) and I feel so lucky to have him. He looks after me, is kind, thoughtful, and everything I could want in a partner.

He works very hard in a very responsible job - is often gone at 6.30am and often not home until 8pm or later. Work stress is getting to him recently - he doesn't even take lunch breaks half the time and sometimes he can't sleep thinking about work. Even on days off his phone seems to ring about 100 times with colleagues looking for something from him. His work situation is unlikely to change for lots of practical reasons.

My question is this. I am so happy with my life and want him to be as happy as possible too. I feel like he is much better than me at being thoughtful and cheering me up. Any ideas how I can do the same for him??

Following same for mine :)

Sounds a bit like he needs to police himself a bit better. Like turning his phone off when he's not meant to be working and checking it later. If he won't do those things to give himself less stress, not sure what you can do to be honest...

You're right of course, @ginger1982. He has always thrown himself into work though and I don't see him changing much.
However, he does 2 hours+ of driving every day, so i was thinking of suggesting some good podcasts that might help him to help himself?.... maybe about work life balance or self-care/mental health for men? Does anyone know of one suitable?

does he excersize- i would encourage him to do a sport and give. him an hour each day to peruse this

plus i have a stressful job. (emergency services) and love the archers ! it completely distresses me

1. reduce the causes of stress in his life. Is he a doctor? What would happen if he switched his phone off when not at work? If it's not life or death, than maybe he really does need to reconsider his boundaries around work time. What recognition/reward/sense of satisfaction does he get from his work?

2. what are his current coping strategies for reducing stress? Consider the following categories :
   Physical exercise
   Something creative - music, writing, art stuff, carpentry, baking, whatever
   Socialising
   Self-care stuff - going for a walk, having a bath, etc

The stuff in 2) can feel too difficult when we're tired out from daily demands, but it's important to have something in our lives other than work, TV and sleep.

What sort of thing does he normally like to read?

I did the Jo Nesbo audiobooks pretty absorbing - that would give him a mental break from his work on his commute, and he might be more open to it than self-care stuff. (lots of men are very, very resistant to the idea of help, even self help)

There's a range of well known apps for mindfulness and meditation but probably not best to do those while driving.

If you can throw cash at the problem, I'd get him to see a good coach. Business, not lifestyle or anything too woo. (Although all coaching is a bit woo... but anyhoo.) They will help him reset some boundaries and work through things like the worst case scenario (eg what's the worst that can happen if you don't answer your phone? Now what's the most likely thing?)

He needs to reassert his boundaries and believe that he's being as effective as possible in work time, in order to then switch off outside work time. He also needs to stop thinking he's indispensable. All of these things take a careful, supported mindset change.

Podcast wise the Atheltico Mince one is quite funny in an utterly bizarre way, good of he needs a break from reality!

If he gets weekends off what about parkrun or voltunteering at one?

But mainly yes to turning phone off. Is he currently the prime minister... no. So whatever he is doing isn’t life and death, colleagues will come to him because they know he has his phone on all the time and wj answer.

Good points all, thanks. He's such a hard worker but never gives himself a break really. He does need to address it for his own sake. The business coach idea is especially interesting! And I might check out some of those audiobook/podcast suggestions myself!