If you could start again with smartphones...

[badger2005]

What would you do?

My son (year 8) has so far only had a non-smart phone. Now I can see that we have to get him a smartphone as they are using them in school lessons, I don't want him to miss out etc. So we will get him one for Christmas.

If you could set things up from scratch, what would you do?

1. What sort of phone/package would you get?
2. What rules would you put in place around the use of the phone? My son is quite drawn to screens and technology, and I don't want him to miss out on all the other things in life...

bump

sorry if this thread is a bit boring. Just looking for advice so that we don't either
a) make our ds a social outcast
b) make our ds a phone-addict

I think the most important rule of all is to have a stop time in the evening and no screens in the bedroom at night. Many parents say the child will self regulate. Some will, some won't.

Plus paying attention to people who are with you over and above stuff on a screen.

Plus parental controls / parental checks on use.

Great - thank you TeenTimesTwo. What stop time do you go for? I.e. how long before bedtime?
We were also thinking of a 'no phones at meal times', and 'no phones out when visitors are here' rule. What do you think to these rules?

Definitely no screens at bedtime. Or during homework (except when teens declare it is essential .... even then I just give them another device without all the social media!) And yes to no phones at table/ meal times. Mobiles are the bane of my life with 3 teens. They do not self regulate and I constantly tell them to get off their phones. I would strongly advise you install an app like OurPact which means you can restrict access and set times etc. The youngest one has this.
I would just stay start tough!!!! Set strict rules and make sure your DS sticks to it. I am called the phone nazi at home- I just find them hugely anti social!

I completely agree.

I'm not the best person to ask for general rules though as I am on the quite restrictive end of the scale on these things, though I think most people would agree with the screens at bedtime rule.

We stop TV / screens ~ 1hr before lights out time.

Personally I'm not keen on kids having free reign internet access on phones, nor taking pictures and being able to send them anywhere at the drop of a hat.

DS1 is 13 and has an iPhone. I've always made him leave it downstairs overnight, always refused to let anyone have phones at the dinner table and always refused to let him have it post 8pm. It's become habit now and there aren't many arguments.

It went off a few weeks ago in the middle of the night - his mate was messaging him at 3am. They don't self-regulate, they just silently dick about on it when they should be in bed.

Also I don't mind apps being installed but he'll always check beforehand. He had access to social media earlier this year but acted like a bit of a bellend on it, so lost it. He'll earn it back at some point but the longer I can keep him away from SM the better.

Great - thank you!
I will investigate 'Our Pact'.

At the moment ds is so lovely, interested in so many things, and chats to us and his sister over dinner (and makes us laugh!) and likes playing music, singing and some (painfully complicated!) board games. This is all besides wanting to be on the laptop/Xbox which he also really likes, but it is easy enough to control because the laptop is a family-shared thing and we have a time limit for the XBox.

I know that teens grow up and away from you (he's 13 now), and I don't want to do things totally differently to all the other parents and have him have to cope with 'being the only one'. So I do think he needs a phone, and I don't want to be weird about it. Maybe the thing that is clouding my thinking on this is that I don't want us to lose him to his phone (this is probably a selfish thing), but also I think he will have a fuller better life if he carries on doing all these other things and doesn't spend all his time on his phone...

This is great. Yes - I think that being " on the quite restrictive end of the scale" sounds good. Not weirdly off the scale, but at the restrictive end. I will try to copy your ideas and plan something out.
Please keep the ideas coming!

Do a PAYG with no bundles and make him pay for it from his pocket money?

how do you make him lose access to social media? Sorry I am so clueless.
To drip feed - I don't have a smartphone myself! I use the laptop for work, and otherwise I just have a not-smart-phone. I think I need to catch up on all the technology so that I can help ds regulate...

Don't get a contract, just buy a new or second hand handset and go SIM only with whichever network works best in your area. They will try to sign you up to an annual SIM only contract which rather defeats the object. Just get a monthly plan then you can experiment with which data plan works for you.

Ah - maybe I need this OurPact thing to block certain sites...

Thank you TheDogsMother. So I just get the phone, and the SIM, and then we do PAYG?

how do you make him lose access to social media? Sorry I am so clueless.

For DS1 I simply deleted the app (it was WhatsApp, a messaging App) and he can reinstall it at some point when I trust him to (probably when he's 54).

With social media they need to download the related app - twitter, facebook, instagram etc. You can limit on an iPhone what kind of apps they're allowed to download (DS2 has a setting on his iPod which asks my phone for permission if he attempts to download apps - you can do this on iPhones too) and you can set limits in terms of YouTube and other viewing sites. From the off I'd set limits and then gradually relax them.

Hmm... TeenTimesTwo, I would need to up his pocket money! Also I want him to be able to contact me if he needs to... this is tricky!

Thank you Idon'tbelieveinthemoon.

At the moment I think he would not install something without checking with me. (I don't trust him in the same way to 'just not use his phone too much', because I think it is hard to regulate. This is why I'm getting you all to help me put more concrete rules together - so thanks!).

So at present we could just have a 'don't download any apps without asking' rule. Perhaps we'll need a way of enforcing this as he gets older... but then perhaps if he really wants to get round any settings he will be able to...?

I'd buy an non expensive Android phone and then a cheap Sim only rolling contract. Maybe 500mb to begin with and you can change it later. Should only be £6 per month.

If you all have an android phone, you can make a Google family account for you all and use that as a way to restrict the content and apps that can be seen. Although at 13 he can opt out of it, you can tell him that if he does so, you will remove the phone.

@badger2005 Yes SIM only then you aren't locked into an expensive contract. PAYG would be a good idea for your son because he will get to understand how far his pocket money will go in terms of data and topping up