Wasn't really sure how to title this.
Just wondering if anyone else feels like they can't have too many good things in their life, like there has to be some sort of balance?
I struggle with it all the time. I have a family I adore and I balance that as a thing I can deserve as I had a difficult childhood in many ways and have suffered severely from depression my whole life.
I've deliberately sabotaged things I wanted because I felt I didn't deserve to have them (job interviews etc).
I work a horrible job I hate and only now after a decade in it so I feel like I deserve an improvement because otherwise it would be too many good things and something else would have to suffer as a result.
Does anyone else have this ridiculous way of thinking? Any ideas on how to undo it? I've thought like this my whole life and I know it's wrong but I can't shake it. It's the fundamental way I see the world and it makes me miserable.