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Should I accept this offer?

12 replies

driveninsanebythehubby · 08/11/2018 17:55

Last night, a friend and I decided to go and try a local club that I heard about. I was the one that told her about it as I thought she would enjoy it, but told her I wouldn't be able to afford to do it regularly (more like once, maybe twice a month).

So we went and both really enjoyed it. I let the woman running the club know that I just couldn't afford to come every week (it's £5 a week) so checked it was ok to do it as-hoc and said I didn't expect to be included in any shows etc they were preparing for. She was fine with that.

As we got home, my friend turned to me and said that if I wanted to do it every week she would pay for me to go. I said it was very kind of her, but I couldn't accept. She said it was fine as she could afford it easily and she never goes out/does anything for herself. To put it into context, my husband and I never get to go out or do anything either and haven't been able to for literally years so it's not as if I could save the money somewhere else to pay for it. I told her I would think about it.

So - do I stick to my principles and pay my own way but only go once a month meaning my friend is unlikely to go on the other weeks even though she really enjoyed it, or do I accept her very kind offer and go every week knowing that it would mean we both get some time for ourselves for once and get to do something that we really did enjoy? Obviously I would pay once a month still and try to pay on any extra weeks I could.

I'm really struggling because I like to pay my own way - but I also don't want to be the reason she doesn't go!

What would you do?

OP posts:
MrsExpo · 09/11/2018 15:45

Maybe there's a compromise here. Could you go every week for, say, a couple of months to allow your friend to get to know people at the club and maybe feel more comfortable with going on her own, then scale back and pay for yourself after that.

That way your friend gets to go out and maybe has the chance to build up some friendships of her own, and you could go as and when you can afford it.

Treaclespongeandcustard · 09/11/2018 15:56

If she’s a good friend then I would graciously accept her gift in the way that it was intended.

ScreamingValenta · 09/11/2018 15:59

I would go with what MrsExpo says.

NoSquirrels · 09/11/2018 16:00

Accept for a limited period - ask her to call it your Christmas present, and go until Christmas?

NoSquirrels · 09/11/2018 16:01

Could you afford £10 a month after Christmas, if you were enjoying it? That’s every two weeks.

Di11y · 09/11/2018 16:04

I like the idea of it being a Xmas present between now and Xmas - equivalent to £30?

then you can reassess how you feel in Jan - she might be happier going by herself. if not then you're sort of doing her a favour.

FarmerMaggott · 09/11/2018 16:46

Accept :)

It's the sort of thing I'd do for a friend. And if you don't accept she will not go either so it's not as if she's not getting anything out of it!

BuffaloCauliflower · 09/11/2018 16:48

Accept. She’s your friend offering to do something nice.

NoSquirrels · 09/11/2018 17:47

Putting myself in your friend’s shoes - if I made the offer, and thought it was ‘worth’ £10 a session to me which I could easily afford, and the only reason you couldn’t come was cost, then I’d be upset if you refused my offer because I might think the cost was actually an excuse and you didn’t really want to go with me every week after all...

MargotMoon · 09/11/2018 19:11

I would accept the offer in the kind spirit in which it was made, but definitely suggest that it be for a limited time while she makes other friends as you don't want it to turn into an obligation for either of you. And enjoy 

driveninsanebythehubby · 12/11/2018 06:08

Sorry for delaying in replying, I've not been well over the weekend and not managed to do much of anything!

Thank you for your replies. The friend is not the sort of friend that we would do Christmas presents for each other, We are also not really close friends as such - we are neighbours and have children of very close ages so we have gotten to know each other as a result. That said, I want to be better friends with her as she's a lovely lady and we do enjoy each other's company when we get together. The last couple of years we have gotten closer and so we've had her and her family round to us for a few bbqs and New Year's Eve, etc.

I've been thinking myself and I think I'm going to say to her I'll accept if I can reciprocate in another way and offer my babysitting services for her and her husband to go out. They have 4 children, but until recently one was a foster child so they were very limited on who they were allowed to have babysit. I'm guessing now the 4th is adopted, it isn't the same issue! Hopefully though by doing this I can feel like I'm paying my way some other way!

Thank you everyone, I definitely like the limited time idea and then review - I would hate for her to ever start to feel obligated to carry on paying, so a short time would let me see if she's really ok with doing it, what the class is like after a few sessions and give her a chance to make some friends there!

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 12/11/2018 09:18

That sounds like a brilliant idea about the babysitting swap - I’d bite your hand off for that! £10 per class I get to escape to AND free babysitting another night... heaven. Great idea!

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