Dh working away

[Shocksandboooos]

Dh has just been offered a job that will mean that he is away for 3 weeks at a time then home for a week or two before going again.

He had a similar work pattern a few years ago but this was before we had children.
We will make sure that we skype etc but I can already foresee that my life is going to be harder for those 3 week blocks.

I will manage, I know. Because I have to and because loads of single parents/ those in my position do everyday.
But I wondered if anyone had any tips or tricks for making life that bit easier?

Thanks

Dd is a toddler if that makes any difference.

My sympathies! And yes, it is a challenge when they are toddlers. Are you a SAHP, or do you work, may I ask? Obviously it's a bit easier if a SAHP - I've done it both ways.

Those weeks he is at home - enjoy them. And make sure you are both on the same page that when he's home - he's on deck and doing all he can to lighten your load with the wee one, and with the house.

Um, don't obsess about keeping the house in show home state. Some days it might be all you manage to get you both fed and dressed. That's okay. Hell, you might skip the dressed bit. That's okay too.

In the weeks he is there, if you can, cook some meals that you can freeze half, so you can just pull a portion out the freezer for a main. (Spag Bol, lasagnes, and curries are really good for that). A cooked chook from the supermarket and salad and new potatoes are your friend. Oh, and ready meals and pre-prepped veges!

I tended to meal plan (it usually went south by Thursday, but hey, it's the thought that counts). Routine is definitely your friend, as are to do lists.

Make sure you treat yourself to little luxuries if you can afford them, and well done presents. They don't have to be huge.

I also did meals that the kids loved that we only ever had when Daddy was away - much to his chagrin! Things like marinaded chicken with corn on cob, and mashed potato and gravy. (This house is far too food focussed). Have some good movies or netflix shows that you wouldn't normally watch if he were there to look forward to. See if you can line up friends to come round for a session.

Oh, and I built in rewards/treats for the kids too - there were shows we'd binge watch together, like (ugh) Dance Moms. And then when Daddy got home we'd make HIM watch them (insert evil cackle here).

Try and make sure that most days you get out the house, even if it's just to the supermarket or the park.

Any offers of help or childcare, grab 'em with both hands, before they have a chance to regret it. . .

Does he have to take the job? Bit of a killer for the father/child relationship at that age. What is his job now and why can't he just keep it?

He really does need to take it. We’re barely getting bye and it’s a lot more money. It’s also in the field that he’s trained in and he’s been trying to break into it for a long time. This may be his only opportunity.

I am a teacher, 3 days a week.

Thanks so much mbosnz you’ve made some really good points and given me lots to think about.

You'll make it work Shocksandboooos, I'm sure of it. And good on you for being so supportive.

One other thing, I tend to meal plan for the whole time they're going to be away. It just seems to make it easier somehow. Oh, and online shopping is your friend. So is the slow cooker.

And from the parenting point of view, this toddler will still have very regular contact with his Dad, can see him on skype calls, Dad can keep up with what's happening in their DTD life with skype - and Dad can bring home a little special something for both Wife and Child - a spoonful of sugar definitely makes the medicine go down!

So many children have parents absent for so much longer, from choice or necessity.

A friend of mine is in a similar situation.
One thing she moans about is that when her DH is home for the week he sees it as his ‘time off’ and still leaves the daily running of the house/kids etc to her.
Also, because he misses the kids while he’s away he tends to ‘Disney parent’ them when he’s home, meaning that they see him as fun Daddy and mum as the one who just enforces rules like bedtime, tidying up etc.
I’m sure your DH is lovely and this won’t happen but just something to consider!

On a less practical note you’ll need to work harder at being a team, it’s all too easy to get immersed in your separate lives and forget this is something the two of you are doing together, to better your family’s lives so it’s really important it feels like a joint venture if that makes sense?

My DH is only away mon-fri and not every week but even so it can feel like a lot of distance builds up while we’re apart and it can be difficult to get close again when he’s home. We combat it with lots of phone calls and FaceTime so we’re still involved in each other’s lives day to day but it’s still hard sometimes. Your relationship will need a bit of extra tlc and it’s as well to have a plan in place before you start or it tends to get neglected.

We make it work though, we both know why we’re doing it and it’s worth it for us. It sounds like our situations are similar in that it’s this or really struggle for us and having enough money means less stress for both of us, despite the obvious sacrifices.