Off with stress and work want to see me. Scared.

[Imnotokatall]

I'm currently off work with stress. This is mostly work related stress although the other areas of my life aren't exactly roses and rainbows. All are feeding off each other atm and GP has signed me off to cut out the one aspect that I can cut out iyswim.

Anyway, off for 3 weeks so far, 2x2 week sick notes. Have just had a letter from work with a mandatory occupational health appointment for the day my current sick note runs out next week. I've got a pre booked GP appt for the day after to assess/extend the sick note.

I've been referred for counselling but earliest appt is nearly Xmas.

Im scared of the occ health appt. I'm scared they'll recommend I come back. I'm scared if I say details of my manager causing me stress then it will get back to her (letter says line manager gets report) and make my position impossible. I'm just scared.

Please help me see reason/hold my hand.

Just be honest with them if it does get back to the manager while your off that would be a good thing as they can put those areas right don't worry it will be good to talk and get how your feeling out rather than bottling it all up...

The report should just be on your return to work plan (which may be more long term than that name suggests). There should be no details of your condition, symptoms, cause, etc, as all that is privileged medical information. Nevertheless, I'd raise this as a first point in your health appt for reassurance.
In my experience, Occ Health appts are not counselling sessions - just an assessment of your current wellness for work. I would be surprised if you got into details of the ins and outs of your life.
The employer has a duty of care for mental health issues; and part of this will be a series of keeping in touch contacts whilst you are signed off.

Occ health usually just try to find ways of alleviating the causes of stress and can recommend changes to work and a phased return.

See it as a good thing to get you back to work as soon as possible and to reduce sickness absence.

Occupational Health aren’t your work. They will have your health interests at heart and be thinking of ways to help you be in work when you can be eg adjustments, phased return, etc.

In my experience they are very knowledgeable, professional and understanding.

Also, in my experience, you have to agree to them sharing the report with your work. I’m sure you could say “don’t share this bit” if there’s some things you want to keep private.

It's totally standard to have an occupational health assessment in these circumstances. They will be looking for adjustments they can make to help you get back to work and feeling better which will be everyone's goal.

Are you in a union OP?

Just playing Devil's advocate here, how do you see the situation being resolved in the long term? You can't be signed off sick forever. If there's a problem with your manager, your company needs to know so it can be dealt with and you can get back to work. And if they have a formal procedure for this then they will have a formal procedure for grievances and it sounds like you need to bring one against your manager?

I obviously don't know the details of your issues with the manager, but it's not fair on your employer to have to keep on paying sick pay if the situation can be sorted.

But I'm sorry for everything you're going through and I hope things improve for you soon. Good luck.

Are you in a union and do you have a union rep? When I was in this situation my rep came to all meetings with me and even fielded phone calls/emails from work when I couldn't deal with them. It made it loads easier!

What costa said, totally standard and it is triggered by two weeks off in my firm.

You can ask for certain details to not be shared with your managers (confidentiality applies). I’ve been off in similar circumstances for a year (returning soon). The OH referral will be policy. Realistically 4 weeks is a very short time for this sort of absence. They’ll just want to see that a) their doctor agrees you’re unfit for work (in 12 years as a manager I’ve never known one disagree!) and b) you’re accessing treatment (including being on a waiting list) that means you expect to be fit to return in the future. They may look at timescales for that (eg waiting list plus some counselling/ time for any medications to take effect etc).
It’s daunting, but not something you need to worry about.

Thanks all. I know you're all right, I'm just not reacting rationally at the moment. I know this, intellectually, but emotionally I'm in a mess.

No not in a union. There's no union presence at my work place at all. I know I could join, and have considered it in the past. We have staff reps who can accompany people to meetings etc, does anyone know if the company can refuse to allow a union rep not employed by the company? I feel that they would want to refuse access if that's legal.

I honestly don't know what to do about going back. I've raised the issues with managers manager in the past, then immediately had a meeting with manager. I was VERY upset and so probably not the most coherent. I avoid confrontations at all cost so i was completely pushed past my limit to even think of raising it. Not the best approach, I accept! Nothing changed, except some superficial and visible changes (manager's desk moved, team meetings scheduled in group calender but don't actually happen and similar), nothing that actually tackles the real issues of poor communication and unrealistic expectations.

So my next step I suppose is to raise it formally, but that makes me feel so anxious I could be sick. I then have to work with manager after any grievance procedure, and given their personality I can't see that working.

The rest of the team is actively job hunting, some have already left, but have given reasons that don't flag up real issue of manager's leadership. They've just said better pay / better location / better prospects etc. Which while true aren't the reason they started job hunting in the first place.

Sorry, I'm rambling now.