How are we meant to fit it all in?

[Lindah1]

I just want a moan really.feeling bloody knackered. Back to work after maternity leave a couple of months. One dc 16 months. Both parents work full time. Dh and I get up 6:10. Get ready breakfast then get dd up and dressed. She has breakfast at nursery. All leave 7:30, I work until 4, Dh til 4:30 officially. I usually come home and either start doing organised mum method for house ( which is amazing) or start dinner if cooking. Meals from freezer 3 nights a week, cooked when off as work tt only, but dd usually home while trying to do. DH and DD come home about 530, few minutes playing, tidying stuff away etc etc. Dinner served about 630 or 7. DD bedtime starts 730, bed for 8, then I have shower most nights. So knackered then we're usually off to bed not long after. I would like another child but cannot fathom how I would have time or energy. Please tell me it gets better but I fear it will get worse with school. Feeling pretty crap, thanks for listening. Any suggestions welcome.

Yep, that sounds about right! It definitely gets easier as they get older as the DC's can definitely do more/entertain themselves.

With regards to having a second, I'd jus go for it. It's not double the work really and you do adapt, it's just expensive!

And before anyone asks tonight I'm curled up under a blanket with Dd running wild and a messy house and no dinner on

Thanks Tokyo - just eat is calling to me at the moment!!

Sounda about right. It does get better and if you get decent maternity you get another year which kind of offsets. Plus having then closer together means they are in the same place for longer together which is easier logistically.

What was a game changer for us was dropping a day. I know it's not possible for everyone but having a day to get sorted outside of the weekend makes a huge difference and means we can schedule appointments etc for that time. I also catch up on washing and ironing (while watching tv) and meet friends for.coffee. I feel like I have some of me back.

Other than that lower your expectations a bit I guess!

Is the equivalent of one wage taken up with nursery fees.

Yep sounds about right I’m afraid. We have DC1 (2.5) and DC2 (4 months) and I’ve been back at work a month.

Can you get your toddler into bed any earlier? DC1 has dinner at 6, then straight into the bath and asleep by 7. As soon as he’s down, I take DC2 up to bed as well. That means that ‘our time’ starts by 7.15. We take it in turns to get dinner going straight away and when it’s DH’s turn to cook I either go for a quick swim (we have a pool) or a long shower. We eat by 8 at the latest and still have some time together before going to bed to red/watch Netflix at 9.

Sorry, but that does sound absolutely normal.

It gets a lot easier as they get older though, but beware of falling into the trap of thinking they need to do umpteen after-school activities. They really don't. Just because Jemima across the road is doing ballet, French, piano, Rainbows, swimming and judo, yours don't have to.

Sounds perfect to me.

I work 4 days but commute to our capital. I leave the house at 6 before anyone is awake to start work for 8 so I can finish at 4 to be back to pick DD up at 6.

Home for some us time then bath and bed starts at 6:45 for a 7:30 bed time. DH gets in at 8:30 (also commutes to the capital) as he has a later start and finish so he can do drop offs in the morning so that's when we eat.

By the time that's done as well as any tidying, washing load, DD lunch, our lunches it's easily 9:30 😩 it's a sacrifice but it's not forever, I'm in a position where I'm getting a qualification along side so want to finish that before finding local work.

I love for my Friday off though, as someone mentioned it's a game changer!

I thing no matter how much time I had it would never be enough 🤦🏻‍♀️

I'd love her to go to bed earlier but she's just not tired! Thankfully she sleeps through.
No although we are not well paid it is worthwhile offset wise to send her to nursery.
It would be the dream to have 1 day off a week. My Dh does all the budgeting and although we are fine he worries about the future and pensions mortgage etc so I know he would stress more about it if we weren't both bringing in a full wage which I don't want. I don't earn a huge amount although I could earn more with my qualifications, which he reminded me constantly about until we had dd. Not mentioned it recently strangely enough! It makes him sound bad but honestly he is wonderful.

Sounds right to me. Doesn't get easier as they get older because of after school clubs.

It's a shame some of the pressure couldn't be taken off somewhat, especially as you're ok moneywise. What's the point in worrying about the future when you're stress out in the here and now and able to change it a wee bit.

I'd take a bigger interest in the financials if I were you. Always good to know about all the ins and outs.

Yeah I know what you're saying.
It is all pretty transparent it's just that he deals with it more on a long term basis while I just look at the monthly stuff. There's a lot of excel involved!
I do feel bad sometimes and think I should be pushing myself more, we have similar qualifications, his role is highly paid but very stressful whereas mine is much more lowly, stressful at times but not anything like his. Hes always saying how I'm much brainer than him and could be anything I want to be, but I lack the confidence to do it. Doesn't help that I love my job!
Couldn't even dream of doing anything else while I'm feeling like this though!

I'll watch out for those after school clubs !

Yep pretty much this is us, except mine older so we do have some activities
What makes difference to me is mine get tea at child care earlier on so only need quick snack for tea
If you have consistent hours can you review working pattern so one of you does all morning and one evening etc?
That way maybe go to work for 7, but finish at 3, get home for hour and do food or whatever pick up kids and you’re done?

Tbh life with young children and 2 parents working full time is something of a treadmill. If you can outsource cleaning and ironing etc then do.

We're the same except thankfully dc is in bed at 7pm and I work 4 days. The one day off makes a huge difference. On the 4 days I work, dinner is made the night before and heated up when we get in. I couldn't imagine cooking when I get home and we've simplified weekday dinners a lot - frozen veg is your friend

You're very lucky both you and your DH can finish work so early.

We have one son my energy didn't stretch to 2 kids.
He is 13 now and he is perfect in every way no regrets at all.

Could you try a 9 day fortnight? Eg dropping 10% of your salary for every other Friday off? I think you'll find your energy levels higher. I know work/salary is v important but so is energy/sanity/time to breathe!

@TeachesOfPeaches I was thinking exactly the same! As someone whose DH is often working away, I am very envious of people who have partners around every single evening.

It is really hard to begin with but it does get easier (or you get better at it). You actually have things set up really well as you're both a home so early and you get time at home alone, to crack on before DH gets home with LO.

Can I just say, let's not race to the bottom here. There will be people who have it worse than op, and some who have it better. She wasn't moaning.

I dunno; it all sounds utterly horrendous to me. I feel very sorry for you.

Sounds kinda normal! I’ve got two, a baby and a preschooler and it’s quite a similar rush. Fortunately both have their dinner at nursery or preschool teatime club so when they get in all they need is a snack like crackers or toast. We’re usually on by 5.30, we go upstairs at 6.15 for stories or mucking around while the bath is running, they’re in bed by 6.45, latest 7. We either cook or eat leftovers but not normally till about 8.30, inbeyeeen we do admin, research, general life stuff . Feels a bit of a treadmill!

No idea but I'm in a similar position to you! Life just seems like survival mode at the moment. Im desperate to find time to get out running but between work, dinner, laundry etc I can't make it work. I need the Timeturner from Harry Potter to gain an extra hour!

The other night I starting getting anxious about how we'll manage when baby goes to school (in 4yrs time)!