Advice needed - who is the father of my unborn baby?

[FTM0619]

Hello. I have been in a relationship for 12 years.. we have had a very rough few months where we were not happy in our relationship, especially me as I wasn't getting anything from him - his time, affection, love.. nothing. So I was in a very bad place. As a result of my vulnerable state I ended up having a one night stand. It was not planned, it was completely out of the blue and it was never ever my intention to cheat but it happened. It was at my sister's house, she had a party and a colleague of her husband was pursuing me all night. It was adults only and we were all very very drunk. Eventually I fell for his sweet talk and we ended up having unprotected sex (not proud at all.. ashamed of myself)
The whole experience was very hazy due to how drunk we were.. I can't recall him ejaculating inside me however at one point he jumped off and ran into the ensuite then passed me a tissue for 'down there'. At the time I was in too much of a state to even consider the risks.
This happened a day after my period ended. 22nd September
LMP started 16th september.
The next day I was on a high, I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend (he came inside me)
The following morning (monday 24th) I took the morning after pill Ella One. Approx 34 hours after sex at the party and 12 hours after sex with my boyfriend.

Time passed. The next month was a month of working non stop, parties, weddings, my birthday etc. So it was a full on month. I could feel my period coming, had some light bleeding (implantation) and then no period. So 10 days late I did a test = positive.
My period should have been due around 16th October.
I went for an internal ultrasound and blood tests. The scan said 6 wks 1 day pregnant. Which goes back to monday 1st October - 8 days after the party.. (but this date could be wrong as nothing is exact)

I've also been wracking my brains of when I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend. I know we did it 3 times in that month where he came inside me (which NEVER happens- I don't let him, but this month I did, maybe out of guilt, stupid of me I know)
So one time was right after the party, one time was when I was already pregnant and the other time was in between.. I cannot pin it to a day or a week. I can't even remember the occasion. I just remember it being 3 times in the month.
So now I'm pregnant of course my boyfriend knows... he doesn't know about my 'secret' he thinks it's his.
I HOPE it's his.. but I just know there's a chance that it might not be. This would destroy him if the baby isn't his... I just don't know what to do.
I understand that every woman's cycle is different but what are the chances of it being the party guys based on the dates?

I just need reassurance. Obviously I'm not going to terminate, a baby is a gift. I just need peace of mind. I will struggle through the pregnancy with this anxiety it's not fair on the baby and I want to enjoy it.

Also sorry if ive added too many details trying to give as much info as possible.

Any advice / knowledge would be much appreciated

Regardless of your partner, this baby deserves not to live it's life being lied to and deceived. There is no way, if your mum and sister know, that this won't come out at some point. Do the right thing and be honest with everyone now.

You need to tell your partner. From what you've said, it won't be that you've slept with someone else that's the issue - it'll be the deception; and you're making that worse for every day that you're lying about it.

Too many people know for this to go unmentioned forever. The man you slept with, your sister, your mum... that's not an option anymore.

Tell him about the ONS. Have a DNA test when the baby is born. It's the only way that you'll know whose baby it is; and the only way that you're going to be able to make a life that isn't hanging on a knife edge.

Too many people know for this to go unmentioned forever. The man you slept with, your sister, your mum... that's not an option anymore

Exactly this.

You know that quote-
Three people can keep a secret if two of them are dead

You have to weigh up which way will hurt your DP less- you telling him, or him finding out by accident from one of the three other people who know what happened.

6+1 pregnant is 4+1 post-conception, so as you say, that gives a conception date of around 1st Oct. I really can't see how it could be the ONS. That would be incredibly unusual and unlikely. I think it must be your partner's.

Did you have an STD check before having unprotected sex with your boyfriend? I don't think you did because there wouldn't have been enough time in between for you to get the results.

So... you've put him at risk of an STD, you're possible carrying the child of another man (slim chance it's the ONS but possible), and you've betrayed him.

Come clean and get tested.

I am in extremely good health. I have been checked for STDs so that's out of the equation.. some people are getting a bit side tracked here.

Yes, I cheated, i am a cheater. An immoral unethical lying cheating evil bitch. So there those of you that have politely and continuously highlighted that fact I thought I'd put it out there again.

I am not a deceitful person.. Yes I made a very big mistake and I have been punishing myself ever since.. I want and will tell my boyfriend and I am no way going to try and hide it or sweep it under the rug because that is cowardly and unfair on everyone involved mainly my boyfriend, his family and the baby.

I will tell him everything I just wanted some advice on the date of conception and what the odds were of each possible father to try and curb this anxiety because it's not good for the baby.

So please people stop making out like I'm a heartless cow. I'm not. I just wanted a little bit of clarity on dates before I approached the subject further and confessed to my boyfriend for the reassurance to both of us.

Maybe I made another mistake by writing on this forum. But thank you to those of you who gave genuine advice. It's much appreciated.

You didn’t make a mistake. Stop minimising. Nobody can tell you whose baby this is.

Have you been having unprotected sex with your partner for a long time? If it's been many years and you haven't conceived I'd be more concerned he isn't the father.

Being pregnant is actually a seperate issue to the one night stand.

You want the baby regardless of who the father is. I think that's fair enough.
Whether your partner can handle the fact you cheated is another thing. Whether he can potentially raise another mans child is another.

I think you should be prepared to be a single parent ( and actually it's not that bad in my experience) especially given your relationship is a bit shit anyway.

Wolfiefan please back off. If you're not going to offer anything constructive please go away and get on with your life because knocking people when they're already down is cruel and downright pathetic.

I would say that the likelihood is that it's your DP's, but for peace of mind would get a DNA after baby is born.

No. Cruel and pathetic is cheating on your partner and claiming it was a mistake. You don’t mistakenly have sex. You cheated.
Poor bloke.

Could you get a DNA test in vitro ?

You won't get the peace of mind you are after. Tell your BF, he will find out at some point.

Wolfiefan yep but it happened. It clearly wasn't an affair but a spur of the moment mistake. Moralising won't help.

Her DP needs the facts to make his own choices. Of course he'll be angry/disappointed/worried that she cheated.However the baby may well be his.He'll have to work out if he can have a relationship given the ONS..
Op wants the baby regardless.
So the best advice is that Op makes plans for her and the baby and her DP can decide his own course of action given the actual facts.

It's more than likely to be your boyfriends 1 because the morning after pill is ok to take up to 72hours after the intercourse takes place ,2, you would have been ovulating/fertile at the time of when the "time in between" happened.

If you love your boyfriend, you need to tell him straight away.
Already a number of people know and it is only a matter of time before he does too.
If your bf bonds with the child, afterwards to find out it isn't his, this will hurt him more.
Your child has a right to know who her father is and you will not be able to be open whilst you're keep secrets.
if you have had unprotected sex then you need to get checked out and so does your bf.
I realise people have affairs, for many reasons and sometimes they maybe one off actions they truly regret, but I do dislike when those people use the don't want to hurt them excuse. You are not telling him to protect yourself only, keeping it a secret will actually hurt your bf and further down the line your unborn child.

I wouldn't tell...