What should an 11yo be capable of?

[KatnissMellark]

And how much guidance would you expect to give?

Washing own hair?
Dressing appropriately for the weather?
Cooking simple meals (egg beans on toast)?
Using cutlery proficiently?
Simple household chores (hoovering, loading dishwasher etc)?

My 11 YO can do all of those things

My 10 year old DS wpuld probably only manage the first one himself but the that's more laziness, he can use cutlery but chose a bit to most of the time (even although I hound him all the time), he still asks me to tie his laces! I think if he had to be could do the rest apart from cook an egg.

Sorry about typos, smashes phone screen.

Smashed

My 11 year old with asd and dyspraxia can do all those things although he's a bit clumsy with cutlery. He still can't tie shoe laces though!

Mine could do all those things

Most 8/9 year olds can do those things.

Yes to all of the above. Altho putting on a coat seems to be something they need to be told to do as apparently even if it’s minus 100 outside they still feel really warm and don’t think a coat is necessary

My nearly 11yo boy:

Hair- washes in the shower no reminders needed pretty sure it’s always done as always wet and smells clean after
Dressing - no problem just does it, sometimes gets it wrong. I’ll remind/suggest once but if he ignores gets cold it’s his own fault!
Meals - can cook frozen things and beans on toast but that’s it no real recipes yet, I need to start teaching this.
Cutlery: uses correctly no problem
Chores: can do them but not willingly

My 10 year old could do those things apart from cook (he's not used the gas hob or tin opener at home), he would need to be nagged for most, mind you.

Washing own hair?- yes and he does this unprompted multiple times a week

Dressing appropriately for the weather?- yes but he’ll often go without a jumper when I think he should have one but is usually fine, just warmer than me!

Cooking simple meals (egg beans on toast)?- probably but he hasn’t yet, he can make copious cups of tea though

Using cutlery proficiently?- yes but he sometime slips into a whole weird back to front way that infuriates me so needs reminding that there is a better more efficient way

Simple household chores (hoovering, loading dishwasher etc)?- probably but doesn’t as no need for him too at the moment

A nearly 12 year old or a just over 10 year old? Hard to give hard and fast rules.

Our cousins kid suffered severe burns making a cup of tea at about 8 or 9 so all our family were uber-cautious with cooking until secondary age.

Washing hair: one of mine was hopeless so we did the hang over the bath edge for mummy to rinse thoroughly thing.

Dressing appropriately for the weather. No, not really. Forever forgetting coats, canvas trainers on wet days, into early secondary years iirc.

Cutlery, wasn't a problem, ditto chores. Willing and able so crack on, children.

Why are you asking, what's the story?

Mine does all that too. She started high school in August and has never asked me for a thing (not sorting her PE kit, books or anything) She does everything herself. She also gets up before DH and I so we don't even need to do that.
She doesn't even ask for lifts to school (which I gladly offer).

The not thing she asks me to do is her hair because she can't plait it evenly.

It makes me a bit sad tbh seeing my baby girl so damned independent.

My DS is almost 10 and could possibly do most of these but would need to be supervised and reminded to do them (ADHD)

My 9 yr old can do all that easily.

My 11 yr old still struggles with hair washing but it is waist length and she's never liked the sensation of bubbles, even since she was tiny.

Dressing - if we told her what the weather was probably 80% chance of doing well. If we didn't tell her, it wouldn't occur to her to check. Most often, she lays her clothes carefully on the floor when she takes them off and then just puts the same ones back on in the morning.

She could do beans on toast but would probably get stuck on opening the tin of beans, either ring pull or tin opener. She doesn't eat eggs and is scared of cracking them, though we're working on that. Again the 9 yr old is streaks ahead, frequently bakes by herself and could easily rustle up a simple family meal independently.

Both can use cutlery well.

Can hoover but not to my standard! Can wipe the table, unload the dishwasher, probably load the dishwasher but again not to my standard.

DD is 11 and has ASD and dyspraxia.

Washing own hair? I'm not allowed in the bathroom when she showers so I've no idea if she does it properly. She has a water aversion so I doubt it.

Dressing appropriately for the weather? No, constantly under dresses in winter, and wears a big fleecy onesie to bed during a heat wave.

Cooking simple meals (egg beans on toast)? No, can only do toast. Can't open a tin of beans on her own. Can't use the hob. Doesn't even eat eggs or beans, or anything else that may contain some actual nutrition.

Using cutlery proficiently? No. Has adapted cultery and still can't use it properly.

Simple household chores (hoovering, loading dishwasher etc)? Can wash up badly, and dry badly. Hoover is too heavy for her to manoeuvre (hyperflexible) and too noisy for her.

Yes, a NT 11 yr old should be able to do all of those.

Although Dressing appropriately for the weather is something they choose not to do, even more so as they become teens.

DS can do all those things but dressing for the weather and cooking require planning and commitment and that’s often too much to see through. He loves putting on the washing machine tho. Again, this is never unprompted or planned but always suggested by me.

All of the above.

11 year old dgs could do all of those (12 now) and with minimal assistance did a cooked breakfast for 8 last Christmas.

All of the above.

My 11 yo can do most of those things, but he has ASD & ADHD, so can't cook unsupervised yet. But can do basic toast.

He does chores, but not the dishwashing as I like my glasses and crockery in one piece and he's clumsy. And not yet tall enough to reach the cupboard they all go in (mind you I can't reach the highest shelf either!)

Depends on what they've been primed to be able to do over the preceding 10 years.

If you kept your child locked in a cupboard for 10 years they are probably not going to simply intuit how to do things.

My 11yo DD does all those things, although occasionally has to be sent back to rinse her hair again. It’s quite thick so sometimes she misses getting all the soap out.