I’m just having a really shit time. And to some it’s probably not that shit. There are people much much worse off than me that would trade places in a heartbeat but I’m just feeling so bloody well fed up.
I started having awful health anxiety after my DS2 was born last year October, then was finally diagnosed earlier this year with healthy anxiety, ocd, pnd and ptsd. Attending cbt etc and on medication which is working a bit but no really for the health anxiety stuff.
In June I started getting bad stomach pains that would move around, anyway had every test under the sun and finally diagnosed with gastritis and hiatus hernia in September. Also had an unplanned pregnancy in September, and just as I was getting to grips with it I had a miscarriage.
Then various bouts of illness from the DCs (every one of which give me panic attacks) and now I’ve got bastard toothache. I’ve been to the dentist on Sunday (which I cried for 2 solid hours about as I’m petrified) and was given antibiotics for suspected infected wisdom tooth. Pain not as bad but my neck hurts (don’t know if it’s related) and still getting odd twinges, almost 48 hours on antibiotics now and keep having full on crying episodes and being sick in fear that the antibs aren’t going to resolve it and I’m going to end up seriously I’ll, or having to go back to the dentist. Which is absolutely ridiculous I know. Can’t afford any sedation etc as recently lost my source of income (had lots of interviews so hoping they come of something).
And now just about to take DS2 for his jabs which I’m incredibly anxious about (no vaccine debate please) incase it makes him off colour/poorly for a few days.
I’m just so fucking fed up at the minute and feeling so overwhelmed and terrified and sick of something being constantly ‘wrong’ - whether it be in my head or otherwise! And I’m fed up of my kids watching me cry!