children soooo tired - how to deal with them?

[itsboiledeggsagain]

3 DC aged 6, 5, 3.

They are exhausted. Like - they just had a week of school not doing too much and they are on their knees. It has tipped over the edge because we had a day out yesterday (9-3pm) but they have been getting this way for a few weeks now.

They go to bed at 6 - always. The older 2 sleep until 7 and normally dont wake in the night. The little one is a poor sleeper and we have been teaching him not to call us at night. He normally sleeps until about 6.30 and has a gro clock.

The problem is that they really need to go to bed at about 4pm. I can barely stretch them to 6. After school is a teary mess so I have bought tea forward to 4.30. I try to get some of the older ones into pjs before tea as that is another meltdown at the mo. I often carry the middle one up and put her in bed at about 5.30 and do her teeth in bed. They all fight and squabble all the time. The 3 year old runs riot and kicks and fights teeth, nappy and pjs.

And I try not to lose my rag.

Does anyone have any tips of how I can make it easier? All i have is "this too will pass".....

I do think they are within the spetrum of normal. I dont think it is a medical issue as the gp was pretty sure earlier in the year and my friend gp agrees.

They are just such different children the morning v the night

It is just such a slog every night, so I would love some way of dealing with it better so it is not so unenjoyable for us all. We try to be as kind and patient as we can but we both enjoy the nights off putting them to bed when we are at work

Try to get outside more.

How are there eating habits?
My DC and 1 of them in particular gets seriously hangry and is like a different kid after hes been fed
Do they have an after school snack?

Also how involved are you in their play?
At those ages I still do things like sensory bins and themed small world play etc rather than just letting them go for it, which is when most of our squabbles seem to happen
Do they need a bit more direction maybe?

Hi Op
I appreciate it’s a seasonal issue mainly. Just to throw an idea in, the clocks have changed, it’s getting darker earlier. It really does happen all of a sudden. Less sunshine, park time. Maybe they just need to readjust after a school day. School days are pretty full on, as are playtimes with tonnes of kids. To then suddenly come home, to siblings, tea, bed whilst it darker much earlier could be subconsciously upsetting even just one of your children. If one is out of sink, the other two will pick up on this.
Maybe come up with activities for them as a surprise after school, ie paper mache a balloon. Glitter and card and make Christmas tree decorations. If you can have it ready to do for when they get home, and tell them about it on the way home, it might focus them for long enough for you to shove some food in.
Sticker charts could be quite rewarding too, with maybe Saturday morning treat day, cake baking make a massive den with cheap torches. My kids loved doing that.

Mine get exhausted like this and I’ve found focus tasks helps which feels counter intuitive as they say they want to collapse on the sofa. So the last three evenings we have played a basic board game, measured and soaked fruit for Christmas cake and sorted out the awful cupboard of doom in the house. It works but takes effort on my part when I have little energy

Also it works for me, may not for you but worth a try if all else fails.

Mine were like this. Went to bed at 6pm and got up 6.30am. They would have gone earlier at 5pm if they could have. They have much better stamina now in juniors. Well behaved and well adjusted. Go to bed at 7.30/8 now

If my older 2 (6 and 2) are tired they will be quieter, want to sit down with a blanket and toy on the sofa and be a bit unsociable or whingey if spoken to.
If they're bored, hungry or there's been too much going on they get how you described. Usually setting them up with a quiet activity like colouring or play dough and offering a snack helps 're set' them along with some calm adult attention focused on them.

My 6yo comes home exhausted and the 3yo just drives him mad as he’s so pleased to see him after being with boring old me all day. They end up fighting. Does your school child get any ‘alone time’ when he gets back? We send 6yo upstairs, he had his snack in his room (usually I leave a banana up there or something) and he will get changed, then invariably start playing up there. Since he’s been having 30 mins peace after school, he’s been a lot less cranky and miserable and has much more tolerance of little Ds than he was before. They work them so hard in year 2, he needs a short break to ‘de-school’!

thanks for comments.

I think there are some useful techniques here - I do try to engage them in an activity when I am on top of it all - so get out something "at table" for one or both of the older ones to get into. I should do this more.

Also I often think it is just a bit much having 3 at such similar ages - they are all so full on - partly to me but also to each other and they could probably use more quiet time and breaks. Of course they all really want me so it is hard to carve that out.

2 are at school - one in y2 and the other in y1 - she is late august so very young in her year and she is so worn out by it all I think.

the thing that is all so relentless is that even if I am supermum after school it still mostly ends in tears (a lot) but the time I get them to bed.

Is your 3 old awake in the night and just not calling you? I would always go to mine in the night regardless of age because they call me when they’re scared. I can resettle them quickly rather than them just lying there trying to get back to sleep.
(I have memories as a child of lying in bed at night being too scared to call mum but not sleeping).

Do they share a room?

I would give them decent exercise - they might not be getting quality sleep. Ie mentally tired but not physically.

My younger two are 6 and 3 and the witching hours (4-6) are awful at the moment - like you we've had to forget fireworks and Halloween mainly with the 3yo, 6yo copes ok but needs a steady pace.
We try and have a lot of quiet time at this time of the evening (in separate rooms!! They can't be together).

it is ever so reassuring to hear that others get this too.

Ha ha spin I was about to mention the witching hour - that's what CBeebies bedtime hour was invented for 😂

Seriously though maybe try things like a visual timetable and rewards. You even get to laminate 😀.

So home, snack, activity, dinner, tv, teeth PJs and story then bed. They each get to remove the photo when it's done. They can earn rewards such as a marble on a jar for doing it and then earn a reward.

I find my ds is motivated to do things when tired with a little bit of bribery rewarding. No one likes doing stuff when it's dark outside and they are tired - but it's teaching them they are happier following this and going to bed with melodramatics!

Mine are 6 and (almost) 4 and the younger child is a demon when tired.

We have the opposite problem though in that she still doesn't bloody go to bed at a decent hour regardless of how tired she is. So we get treated to constant moaning, tantrums and meltdowns from 3.30pm-8.30pm every night.

If I let her nap she is up even later.

People keep telling me that her being full time in preschool will reset her clock.... it's been a whole half term and she still doesn't get enough sleep.

She is a delight at school of course!!

My just turned 6yo is absolutely fine though. He sleeps 8.30pm-7am every school night.

Yes, yes to separating them.

My younger child takes offence at the world so my poor older child generally steers clear of her.

Sorry if someone's already suggested this, have they been evaluated for hypermobility?

Is it long term or more recent? They could all be having a growth spurt? Or they could all have a virus or be a bit run down

How does hypermobility feature? Not really heard of it tbh.

Long term I guess with ups and downs.

Slappinthebass thank you so much. The day after you wrote that my pilates instructor said to me - do you know you are very hypermobile that is why you bend so much...

All the symptoms fit. Inc bladder weakness that has been so hard for her. I need to take her back to doc but they haven't been helpful yip date so I don't relish it.

They did better in the test than me when I found it on the Internet so I suspect they wouldn't diagnose as they are not severe. But I can use the techniques. Weekend naps has helped a bit for sure.

Darker complexion will make it harder to absorb vitamin D too OP. It might become worth looking at a supplement.

My kids have some hyper mobility issues and slept from about 7 until 8 in primary school. They didn't get particularly cranky though. DS actually really struggled in his first full time job after uni; he'd often come home and go straight to bed. Going to the gym and getting stronger has helped him massively.

Do either dc have enlarged tonsils? (would be very unusual for all 3 to have this) but rule out sleep apnea, although they are asleep they wont be getting a decent quality of sleep so could cause the tiredness.

Just a thought.