2 year old hitting himself, advice needed

[Fishandthechips]

My ds is 3 in January and his behaviour is both terrible and worrying. The most worrying behaviour though is that he hits himself in the head hard, a lot. He hurt himself so badly in the supermarket earlier that he was crying from the pain and yet he still continued to do it. I dont know how to stop it. If I try and stop him, or acknowledge it in any way he does it more but ignoring it feels wrong too.
His behaviour in other areas is difficult too. Ive had to remove everything from his reach as he will just throw everything at the walls. Its like a strange compulsion. If I take something he was planning on throwing away he completely freaks out and starts hitting himself until he manages to find it and throw it.
He wont eat most foods so I dont know how to feed him. The list of foods that he wont eat is so much bigger than the list that he will eat. I end up cooking overcooked chicken dippers or turkey dinosaurs with peas most days as he wont eat anything else. Ive tried the he will eat when hes hungry approach. He wont. He would rather starve than eat roast dinner, or bolognaise etc.
I dont know what to do anymore. I cant leave him alone as he will try and damage as much as possible. For instance, if I leave him with a non spill sippee cup he will find a way to open it and spill it down the back of the electrics. I dont know what to do. Nothing is helping and I feel awful as ive just lost my cool and screamed at him for yet again denting the walls from throwing his toys at them. He just headbutted his 5 month old sister. I dont really know what im hoping to get out of this but im so worried. I dont know how to parent him effectively and im worried im going to alienate him.

My son was the same at that age. He is now on the waiting list for an Autism assessment. I think that may be worth considering. I woudl speak to your health visitor in the first instance.

I think you probably need to make an appointment with your GP and tell them your concerns. I work with this age group and we would certainly recommend that a child with these issues was seen and possibly referred to a paediatrician. Don’t feel bad about becoming angry, you are having to cope with an extremely stressful situation, my eldest was a very difficult toddler and as mums we often feel judged for their behaviour.

My ds was the same at that age. It was horrible, sometimes he would bang his head until it bled. Thankfully he hasn't done it for a while now (he's 5).

I would definitely speak to your gp/HV with your concerns.

In the meantime I would use an ABC chart (antecedent, behaviour, consequence) to try and work out what is triggering the behaviour. It can help you and him to avoid things that are upsetting him and also it's a good record for you.

With ds I tried not to make a big deal of it as that made it worse. But I constantly had a small pillow with me to throw under his head when he started headbanging.

I would also look into sensory seeking behaviours. 'The out of synch child' is a very good book to start with. It may be that you can substitute the headbanging with another behaviour that is less damaging.

Please don't blame yourself for getting angry. It is very stressful having two small children particularly when one of them is doing unusual things.

Thank you everyone. You've all said basically what I suspected. Im going to order that book and see if it can give me some insight and help in anyway. Im also going to phone the gp tomorrow, fingers crossed ill get through to get an appointment.

Hi how is your son doing now? My 26 months son has some problem like this . He used to hit his head( not very hard) on the wall but since we have told him no hitting head he does not do it but he always tempted to do so. He hits his hand on the wall, fridge , bed etc. he is always grumpy and very difficult to make him happy though he used to be so happy baby in the past. I have a concern if he has autism and we had an assessment last month but specialist said he has no concern at the moment. Please let me know how is you ds doing . Thanks

Hi how is your son doing now? My 26 months son has some problem like this . He used to hit his head( not very hard) on the wall but since we have told him no hitting head he does not do it but he always tempted to do so. He hits his hand on the wall, fridge , bed etc. he is always grumpy and very difficult to make him happy though he used to be so happy baby in the past. I have a concern if he has autism and we had an assessment last month but specialist said he has no concern at the moment. Please let me know how is you ds doing . Thanks

@Lemebe as OP posted over four years ago, she's very unlikely to see your post unless you tag her - she may not even still be on MN.

Hi thank you very much for your suggestions. How can I tag her or send a private message to her? Thank you again

@Lemebe just put the @ directly in front of her username, as I did with yours. She will get an email from MNHQ with a link to your post.

@Fishandthechips Hi how is your son doing now? My 26 months son has some problem like this . He used to hit his head( not very hard) on the wall but since we have told him no hitting head he does not do it but he always tempted to do so. He hits his hand on the wall, fridge , bed etc. he is always grumpy and very difficult to make him happy though he used to be so happy baby in the past. I have a concern if he has autism and we had an assessment last month but specialist said he has no concern at the moment. Please let me know how is you ds doing . Thanks

Thank you so much for the help.