Too harsh a punishment?

[nordstrom]

Dd is 13 (year 9). She really struggles to get up in the morning for school. She has to leave around 7.30 to catch the school bus.

Part of the problem lies in the fact that (like many teenagers!), she won't go to sleep at a decent hour so isn't getting enough really. We had been waking her up ourselves, but in the odd occasion she has gone back to sleep etc hence her waking up late - she would blame us. So she now has a new digital alarm clock....

This morning when she didn't emerge dh and I both had to go in at various points and wake her up. Her excuse? She didn't know how to set the alarm! She didn't think to ask us how to do it So, she has missed the bus and has had to go for the train (at extra cost). Most likely will be a bit late to school.

Lately she has a habit of going to friends' houses after school. Wibu to ground her Monday- Friday this week until she gets her act together with evening/morning routine? I am not usually a punishment kind of parent tbh, but am sick of the lack of personal responsibility at the moment!

We also had a lot of rudeness this morning e.g telling me to shut up.

YANBU hopefully it'll make her realise and she'll get up on time.

Teenagers' body clocks are later than those of younger kids and adults - leading to a up late, sleep in rhythm.
Some schools are experimenting with their lesson / opening times to get teens into class at a time where they are most able and most productive. Until that catches on, however, teens just have to lump it as the rest of the world doesn't adapt.

Every time she is late getting up, she is obviously tired so bring her bedtime forward 15 mins, and no seeing friends after school.

why does she need an additional punishment? She's late for school (so presumably will get into trouble) and (I would hope) has to bear the additional cost herself.

Having read a bit about teenagers sleep patterns I really feel for them.

Hmm. Yes I understand the whole body clock situation with teens. I guess it is just the out and out refusal to take any responsibility which is really getting to me.

Is she on screens at night? Turn off the WiFi and confiscate any devices at 9pm?

Don't ground her. Leave her to it, don't give her extra money for the train, and she can pay for it herself or deal with the consequences of being late for school. That way it's about her being responsible and not just something you're telling her to do and punishing her for.

At that age I went into school after only a few hours' sleep a few times. I felt awful and soon stopped doing it and self-regulated my sleep. If it had still been a battle between my parents trying to get me to go to bed at a set time and me trying to stay up as long as possible, I'd have taken a lot longer to get to that point. (Then again, they also didn't need to, because I'd be up at 6am regardless of how early or late I went to bed).

Stop waking her up and just let her get on with it. It's the only way sometimes.

You say you aren’t a punishment type of parent - does that mean that bad behaviour has no consequence for your DD?

Punishment doesn’t have to be cruel or unusual, just appropriate. If her having to get the train costs more then a totally appropriate consequence/punishment would be taking that amount out of her pocket money. If she is rude or irresponsible then grounding or withdrawal of other privileges might be an added consequence.

She isn't allowed her phone overnight. I aim for taking it downstairs around 9. It is often late though!

When I say no punishment, I mean that I try not to dish out random, punitive measures...I much prefer leaving it to natural consequences! But then dd is so stubborn - she would most definitely cut her nose off to spite her face! It's working out how to allow her to learn from her own mistakes, without feeling a though I'm just leaving her to it!