SAHMs how do you share childcare at the weekend?

[salopek]

Does your OH help a lot?

My DH works long hours in the week and is exhausted come the weekend which I understand, he needs some down time too. I think our situation would be different if he had a regular 9-5 but some days he won't get in from work till 2am.

Come the weekend, I'd love some help from DH but childcare is seen very much as my "job" and I'm tired and need a break too. I'm also pregnant which is adding to the tiredness. We argue EVERY weekend about who is more tired and who should have a lie-in. Unless we have something absolutely concrete in the diary like visiting friends or something, we don't get out as a family because DH says he's tired and sleeps on the sofa all day. If I ask (beg) him to give me a break then he does pull his weight - but I shouldn't have to ask!

I'm just fed up and sad.

When I was home at weekend we just did things as a family. Never occurred to us to split things up?

Thanks everyone for your replies and those that are sympathetic to our situation.

I asked DH didn't he want to spend time with DC (about to turn 1) on the weekend and he said he gets resentful because I "force" him to when he's so tired 🤔 So I don't really know what to say to that.

In theory he agrees we should each have one morning on the weekend to ourselves, it's just when it's his turn he has trouble getting out of bed and I get annoyed very quickly!

My dh gets up with our early riser both weekend mornings between 5.30 and 6. I do all night wakings though so it's fair. He then does everything with her while I go for a run on Saturday and we swop so he can run on Sunday. Everything else is 50/50 except naps which I do because dd still breastfeeds for naps. I think we do what's best for us.

I do all childcare 100% of the time. DH had two jobs. Mon-Fri he's out 9:30-8pm, Fri-Sun he works nights. Neither of us get a lie in or a day off. We aim to do family stuff weekend afternoons.

I think your husband needs to look at his job. I get that you may need the money but in my opinion no amount of money is worth sacrificing family life and mental health.

I sympathise with your dh in a way because I know how hard it is to get motivated and function whew not you are exhausted. However I'm sure you are equally exhausted and you are both parents so he needs to suck it up.

Iv been a little unwell this last year while being a stay at home mum so for the last couple of months dh has been getting up every weekend and doing 80% of housework. Before it was 60/40 where again dh did more and got up every weekend morning because I was doing all the nights with our youngest.
I'm back at work now and dh will continue to do the weekend mornings and most of the housework/cooking until I'm better. He is happy with this luckily and enjoys the mornings just him and the kids before the chaos of the day. We also do family days at weekends.

You need a serious conversation with your dh op as this will only get worse when another baby comes

@EyUpOurKid wow that's tough. But good point on leaving afternoons free for family stuff. Think I need to implement the same (although DH would happily doze all day!)

There's not much that can be done about his job. He's already tried something different and it didn't work out terribly well for us! He also has DC from first marriage that he is putting through boarding and private school so our outgoings are high and fixed.

He's also in his early/mid 40s. Does that play a part? I do t want him to use age as an excuse because he wanted kids equally as much as I did. I'm early 30s.

It took a long time and a lot of arguements and resentment (on both our parts) for a while. I know that I absolutely don't want another baby until DC is at nursery school as im not prepared to do it now, knowing what i know about babies with a toddler on top.

You have to carve out the time as a family even if it's just going to the park together for a walk or whatever.