Is it ok not to buy gifts for my old but distant friends child?

[sinclaire]

Last year just before christmas an old friend I had from high school 25 years ago had a much longed for baby. I was thrilled for her and sent a small gift. We now live at opposite ends of the country me on the south coast and her in Aberdeenshire. We keep in touch via email a few times a year and I usually send her a birthday and christmas card but its been many years since she has done so.

She is now pregnant again with her second and again I am so happy for her. I am a bit worried about what to do regarding gifts for her children? I have never met them and haven't even seen her in about 8 years. I am always hoping to visit her but money is tight and time moves on. Its coming up to her son's first birthday and christmas and I feel like I should send gifts but I don't have much money and with christmas coming up and then the fact that she will soon have two to buy for and then postage to pay to send the gifts up to her its just too much but I'll feel rotton if I don't but once I start I'll feel like I have to keep doing it.

I have no children of my own by choice.

Would it be ok just to not send gifts for the baby and just not get into sending gifts for her kids now and in the future? When I do manage to visit her I would of course bring gifts then?

Does this sound ok or am I being mean?

Why not a tiny token Christmas themed gift? Tree bauble? Or a personalised card?
Not being mean not to but nice at Christmas to remember nice people imo!!
*not that I know any at all!!

I’d send a small gift for the new baby (not for Christmas) and leaves it at that.

I have friends who never buy for my DC, some who always do and some who sometimes do. I have no feelings about who does which and it doesn’t affect the friendships

Don’t buy and don’t feel bad.

Send a gift when the new baby comes but don’t get in the habit of sending Christmas and Birthday gifts, just cards.

You might possibly never meet these children, sending four gifts a year to children you have no connection with is madness.

I wouldn't send a thing for her dc you're not close, she hasn't sent you a card in years...

Send a family Xmas card and don't give it another thought.

Well. She doesn’t even bother to send you a card back and given the fact that you haven’t seen her in such a long time and you don’t have much money, I wouldn’t bother. Just send a card if you want. I was sending cards and presents to relatives in a bid to keep things going but I never really heard back so I cut it down and will do so the same this year with other people who seem to have little interest.

I'd just send a card.

I would send a Christmas card to the family, and a card and perhaps a small present when the baby arrives. I wouldn't send presents for the children's birthdays or Christmas. Like you say, if you ever do go and visit, you can take gifts then.

Small gift when the baby arrives and then that’s it. She won’t be expecting anything and once you start it’s hard to stop plus as the children get older it’s very difficult to find gifts for anything less than £10.

I'm sure she wouldn't even expect you to send birthday or Christmas presents - that's very different from sending a new baby gift. Agree that once you start with birthday presents, it's hard to stop that so much better not to start (and it genuinely doesn't sound as though you"should" buy a present anyway).

She doesn't even send you a card! Not hard to pop a card in the post is it, she can even do it online if going to the shop isn't possible. So no, I wouldn't send any presents. Nice to keep in touch but I don't think you're at present buying levels of friendship here.