Being refused reference

[TootingBoots]

I work for a small business and am my boss’ PA. We work from her home office. There is obviously no HR department or anything like that. My boss has “joked” several times over the past year that I’ve worked for her that if I ever tried to leave she wouldn’t make it easy for me. I’ve now been offered my dream job with a large corporate company and when I told my boss she said she wouldn’t be able to give me a reference. How do I explain this to my new job? Will they withdraw my offer? I feel sick about Monday morning now.

A lot of companies don't give out references now because they are worried about being sued if someone does something wrong and they've given a good reference. Maybe say to the new company that your current company doesn't give out references and suggest a previous company or a personal reference?

How massively disrespectful of her. Congratulations on your dream job. Have you got a previous employer you can use as a referee? I would tell them the truth - she doesn't want you to leave, has indicated she won't be co-operative and has refused a reference.

Be upfront with the new company - explain that your boss has always said she'd refuse to make it easy for you to leave and now is refusing to co-operate with your reference request. If it's a larger company it won't be the first time they've come across something like this.

The problem is my previous employer only give factual references i.e my name, job title and how long I worked there for. I will go down the personal reference route and hope that’s enough. I’m hoping they have encountered this problem before!

That is very disrespectful of her!!
I hope she is joking. Bad joke though.
Id joke that you'd take her to court for damaging your career.

Horrible woman! How unpleasant of her!

I echo what pp said. Tell the truth that she won't give you a reference because she doesn't want you to leave.
Which means you're obviously an excellent worker.

I'd definitely be honest with them. Your current boss is very unprofessional.

I'd try one last time to appeal to her better nature. You're going, full stop. Withholding a reference won't make you stay. You'd rather part company on good terms because you've enjoyed the role and have learnt from her. You'll help her recruit and train your replacement etc etc.

By the way, lots of companies just give "factual" refs so don't worry about that.

You tell them the truth and offer a personal referee.

Your previous employer's reference wasn't bad, a lot of companies do that these days.

Try not to panic. Do you have a contract with her? Does it have anything in it about references? Contact ACAS and see what they suggest.

www.gov.uk/work-reference

It's clear you're right to go!

Yes , go with the previous employer reference. It's quite normal for employers only to give the name and job title and it won't be a problem. (It's just a basic security double check for employers really, Are you actually who you say you are or did you fabricate your CV?). Add in a personal reference or two and you'll be sorted.

Is there a client who could do you a reference?

AsKing them will also show to them what a cow she is.

Explain the situation to the new employer. Offer the old employer as referee.

None of my previous employers have ever given a personal reference only dates worked, no of sick days and confirmation that there were no disciplinary issues.

That’s all most corporates want.

To be honest you might find that when they actually email her for a reference she gives one regardless of what she says.

You might want to “jokingly” remind her that if she slanders or libels you she’s at risk of legal action...

I work for a large multinational company and we don't give references beyond that you worked in the company for x amount of time at y position