Cash gift for bereaved, would you do this?

[Carparkbarker]

A friend of ours died very suddenly recently leaving a wife and 4 teenage children. The family were previously on benefits due to ill health so they’ve never had masses of money. There is no mention of flowers or a charity on the funeral notice so Instead of flowers would it be acceptable to quietly slip my friend an envelope with cash in instead?
I don’t want to give it to her beforehand at home as she’ll refuse and feel embarrassed and ill feel awkward. I’d rather pass it to her after the service So she can’t refuse. I don’t want to make anything embarrassing or awkward for her but I do want to help in some way as I guess things will be very difficult for her.
Otherwise I did wonder if I should send a food shop to her home but I’m not sure what to get really. Any ideas of the best helpful gift please?

I think it is a nice idea.

If you think she might be embarassed then maybe you have just won some vouchers from mumsnet and don't really need them.

For that family, cash is the most useful gift. You sound very kind.

I remember watching a programme years ago about a woman who had lost her husband and was in a shaky financial position. She said that whenever anybody said, “if there’s anything I can do etc.” she wanted to say, “yes, there is, loan me some money” but of course felt that she couldn’t.

I think maybe a food shop instead with a note saying you realise at a time lime this going out shopping is stressful etc so you wanted to make things a bit easier or something along those lines?

Give her cash after the service then they can decide the best to use it. A food shop is nice but you don’t really know what they eat or use so while we’ll intentioned they might end up with another job of having to use up or give away stuff they dont really want.
When my DSD died when I was young we had no money and someone anonymously posted £1000 through the door. I’ve always been grateful for that, it meant my mum had a couple of months of not worrying about the rent and bills and food while she found work again after being a carer for him for so many years.

I think a food shop would be nice. Meat, veg, fruit, snacks.

Perfectly fine to contribute discretely in an envelope as a contribution to the service, its the done thing round here - but every area/family has its quirks and traditions, so you can just pass it off as "the done thing" and no one really questions a kindness.

If its a food shop, family tray bakes are a godsend, anything that can just be bunged in an oven and served up.

Cash over food definitely. What a lovely friend you are.

Cash definitely. What a lovely gesture.

Cash definitely. An acquaintance lost her partner through suicide a couple of years ago and a secret justgiving was set up within hours. I'm not suggesting you do that, but just to illustrate that it's not unheard of for people to give financial gifts to those who have been left behind.

I think a discreet envelope of money is a lovely idea. It is then up to your friend if she chooses to spend it on funeral expenses / floral tribute or keeping afloat in the next few weeks and months.

Thanks all, cash it is then. I’ve never been in this situation before and I’d rather give a practical gift than flowers of which she will be overwhelmed with I’m sure. I’m going to bake a few cakes too. They’ll always get eaten I’m sure.

Can you frame it in terms of money for them to do something together in memory of her dh. That way she can use the money as she wants to.

Make sure that they know the money is for them/food etc and you don’t want it giving to a charity in their behalf etc