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DD anxious after fire

12 replies

ScratchPost · 03/11/2018 17:47

DD who is 5 was evacuated from her school yesterday as there was a fire. She seemed absolutely fine when I collected her and most of the evening. Before bed she got upset because her belongings are still there but I assured her they were perfectly safe, the fire was in the roof not anywhere near her class room and everything and everyone was fine.

She woke up in the night after a bad dream and was crying that the smoke hurt her throat. I'm pretty certain she didn't breathe in any smoke at all but obviously could smell it.

Today she's been quite emotional on and off, bringing up the fire quite often. I just keep saying how great it was that all the children were so sensible when the fire alarm went off, the fireman got there really quickly and nobody was hurt. To be honest, I'm not sure what to say to reassure her. She's not usually an anxious child at all so it's caught me off guard a bit with how much this has bothered her.

Any words of wisdom to help her stop worrying so much?

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snackarella · 03/11/2018 17:48

Was this in Cheam?

ScratchPost · 03/11/2018 17:53

Glad I name changed for this Grin Yes, it is the school you're thinking of. Although I can't imagine there were that many school fires yesterday so this is pretty outing.

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mbosnz · 03/11/2018 18:23

Sounds like you're doing the right things.

After the quakes, we got some help with my youngest who developed PTSD. One of the techniques we were taught, and have used to the most effect, was red thought/green thought. So, when she said she was worried about her things that were there, that may have been damaged, (red thought), you acknowledging her concern that this could have been the case, and 'isn't it a good thing the fire was in the roof, nowhere near your class, and the firemen got there so quickly and put it out so efficiently, before too much harm could be done', is the green thought.

She'll most probably be a lot better come Monday, when she can go to the school and see for herself that her things and her class are safe.

mbosnz · 03/11/2018 18:26

Oh, and to lighten the mood, builders set our school alight, a few years and a different country ago. . . we lived opposite the school. One of the funniest things I've ever seen is a five year old boy, castigating this huge builder, yelling at him, 'you set fire to our school, you wanker!' (Okay, terrible language from a five year old, but funny as hell). And the builder standing there all hang-dog, muttering apologetically. . .

ScratchPost · 03/11/2018 18:29

Thanks mbosnz, that's really helpful and reassuring to know I'm saying the right things. Just feel a bit clueless!

They aren't able to return to school on Monday unfortunately which I don't think has helped reinforce what I'm telling her as she can't understand why she can't go to school if apparently everything is fine! I've explained it's so that they can fix the damage to the roof and make extra sure the school is perfectly safe. Which is the truth, there is some damage to class rooms (not sure what kind, possibly water from the fire hoses?) but I haven't told her that part.

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ScratchPost · 03/11/2018 18:30

'you set fire to our school, you wanker!'

That made me laugh! Grin
Similar to us, was the bloody builders who caused ours as well!

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EvaHarknessRose · 03/11/2018 18:36

She will need to process it over the next few days - it might help to take her to look at the outside of school. To see everything is normal. Keep doing what you’re doing and saying ‘its great that everyone sorted it out’, downplay the ‘danger’/worry element and emphasise coping and how the procedures worked. Answer any questions and then distract with normal life.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/11/2018 18:52

I'm not surprised shes anxious.
How did the fire start
How will it be prevented in the future
I'd also be asking for proof of their appliances safety check.
I wouldn't give a hoot about being that parent. I'd want my child's safety guaranteed and for that I make no apologies.

mbosnz · 03/11/2018 19:04

With the quakes (and my girls were at school when they hit), a big part of reassuring them, was reminding them how clever and brave they all were, that they followed the drills, as did the teachers, and they were all safe. So yes, it was very scary, but the systems worked.

I also found keeping them busy, with as little time to mope or obsess as possible helped. So, come Wednesday, we were doing spelling and times tables at home. . .

BunnyandBee · 03/11/2018 19:39

Your poor dd, it sounds like a scary thing to experience. It sounds like you are managing it well.
I have been reading 'the whole brain child' and they talk about this sort of thing.
The authors talk about telling the story, so allowing the child to go through what happened (sometimes with minimal detail to begin with), whilst also reiterating what happened to make sure she was safe (fire alarms, evacuation procedure, fire brigade came etc.) sometimes they need to tell (or be told) the story many times to process it.
It sounds like a natural response to a scary time. Just allow her time to talk it through if she wants to, but don't force it.
I am also a strong advocate of naming feelings, so if she is seeming scared or anxious I think it's good to say something like 'I can see that the fire has made you worried about going to school...' (for example) then you can maybe come up with a plan/further discuss all the safety things that are there to keep her safe.
Hopefully once she has also seen physical evidence the school is OK or getting back to normal that will help too.

nzeire · 03/11/2018 19:49

My children have been witness to 2 major fires,the first school, the second our neighbours house. My son was super anxious afterwards, and the fears would come out at nighttime.

I did all the reassuring I could, and then ended up calling the fire service to help me out. The rocked up in the truck, sat my kids down and told them how awesome they were, talked safety, access, gave them brochures, stickers, smoke alarms, them a spin in the truck. It was so reassuring and amazing, the relief.

Perhaps you could get them to go to the school?

ScratchPost · 03/11/2018 21:03

Thanks for all the advice, will definitely let her talk when she wants to about it and try to keep reassuring her. Love the fire fighter idea, could talk to the school about it once they're up and running again.

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