Accused of flirting with someone else's husband

[LFTE]

DS has been going to a sporting activity for a year. I take him every week, parents are required to stay. There is a core group of kids there every week DS included. As such all the parents now know each other. It's a fairly even split of mums and dads and sometimes their partners.

We sit at the same table, are mostly friends on FB and generally pass the time chatting etc. The coach also talks to us quite a bit and we are all friends with him on FB too. I am the only single woman. They are all married.

Last week I posted something on FB about looking for a recommendation for a decorator. A few of them commented (women included) and the coach. The thread moved on to general chat about the club and a christmas party the parents are planning. At this point it was me, two of the dads from the club and the coach still chatting. The thread went on to about 60 posts, including posts from other friends re the decorator.

Around midnight that night I got an annoymous message on FB from a made up profile. The general gist was that I was embarrasing myself flirting with other peoples husbands, who do I think I am, how everyone was laughing at me and to take a good look at myself.

I didn't reply to the message, reported to FB and ignored. Two days later and DS had his club. When I arrived the coach was very curt with me. Two of other dads randomly sat up on the balcony together and not at our usual group table. One of the other dads came and sat down and said 'oooo whats going on here then, everyones being a bit weird' - he isn't on FB and wasn't part of the thread. I mentioned it to one of the women and she couldn't believe it. She had been part of the thread and told me honestly she couldn't see anything which could be called flirting. I asked another friend who I trust to be honest and she said the same.

Today I was on FB and DS coach posted a link to something at the club. When I read the comments it was clear some of them I couldn't see as there were holes in the conversation but other people referencing them and the coaches wife. I looked for her profile and she has blocked me. So I'm guessing it was here that sent the message.

I now feel really awkward about taking DS back to this group and I don't know what to do. What would you do in this situation?

Keep taking them and blank the bitch. And every time she talks to a Dad, look over and watch intently.

She is the wife of the coach and is never at the club. I've met her maybe three times when she's popped in and out and the class is on

That's really tough. I think I'd put a message on Facebook and tag them, saying you had this message from a coward, accusing you of flirting when asking simple questions and you resent being targeted because you happen to be the single one and could they please act like grown ups.

It's bloody ridiculous.

Don't put a message on Facebook that's terrible advice. Be dignified. It could simply be because you're a lone parent op. From my experience there are some people (women and men) who think that if you're a single mum you must be desperate to steal someone else's man. Or it's as a result of issues inside their own marriage.
Keep going to the club and hold your head up high. If I were you I'd be pleasant enough but a bit aloof. Keep your distance from the coach and if he tries to interact with you on Facebook ignore completely

Actually I'd agree with WhyAmISoCold, you're not a threat because you're single.

It doesn't mean that they should question your morals and be nasty in that way. Someone out there is very strange... Please don't let it stop you taking DS.

Such a shame that her insecurities has made life awkward for you.

I would keep going to the club but only engage in any communication if it is relevant to the activity.

She should be embarrassed that her insecurities and marriage problems have been made public, by her!

Hmmm. Well she clearly has issues.

Maybe the coach has betrayed her in the past.

Who knows.

I would ignore, and carry on. You have allies in the group.

Or, resurrect the thread and post “Thanks for the decorator suggestions, I’m all sorted now. Oh, and this is weird, I had an anonymous message, quite nasty actually. Anyway just to be clear I thought we were all here to support the club / team and if I was ever to flirt with anyone I would have a better line than ‘can anyone recommend a decorator? Peace and love, everyone ‘.

And encourage the other women to ‘like ‘.

What twattymctwatterson said

Keep going, it isn't fair on your child otherwise. Don't be hounded out by twats with issues. Some people get really threatened by single women and it isn't your fault. It'll blow over, especially if you have other mums who know it's batshit on your side.

I have noticed different social norms in different parts of the country. I moved from London where I socialised equally with men and women, husbands and wives. Since moving to the back of beyond I barely know the husbands. Maybe it's a parent/ lack of babysitters thing but the groups of dads go out and the mums go out but never together. In a room at a party the men and women tend to go to different ends of the room. It's a bit weird.

I feel a bit sorry for the dads at the school gate and toddler groups. They are few and far between and don't get spoken to much.

So she saw her husband chatting with you, freaked out, gave him hell and sent you that message. And now the coach is blanking you.

If he continues to do so, call him out on it. Ask him if there is a problem. How dare they treat you like you're a shitty person when they're the ones being shitty.

I am in a similar situation, with a husband having thr audacity to chat with a single woman, right in front of his wife. I am sick of this situation as she blanks me, refuses to talk to me, walks right past me, and whenevr her husband chats to me she goes up to him and sort of displays 'he belongs to me' moves.
No I do not fancy him at all and no way anyway would I think as she implies. I like to chat to people. Clearly a crime.
No point in calling her out. She is making a fool of herself.

Ignore and block.
Everyone else will move on, those that are being awkward have their own issues n insecurities that are not of your making.

Are you sure it's her and sure she's blocked you (I don't use FB)? Just seems odd as you say you've only met her 3 times so can't see why she would take such offence or why you would be friends on FB?

Clearly something not right in their relationship, nothing to do with you.

Was there anything you said that could perhaps have been taken the wrong way? I think if a few of them are being off with you it’s worth considering whatever you said may have come across differently than you intended.

Partly agree with twatty.

Be dignified and pleasant, keep going but don’t stop talking to the others, male or female. You haven’t done anything wrong so don’t change being ‘you’ to fit their twisted model of how you should behave.

I find it interesting that you jumped to blaming the coach's wife since two of the other dads also changed their seats after the decorating discussion. Was there something about your interactions with the coach that rang warning bells?
I don't think it's fair that your DS misses out so I'd either start taking a book or a friend along to the sessions or start to look for another venue. I know it's unfair to move your DS but if you're being isolated and blocked by the other parents then it's going to impact on DS anyway.

If the coach and two other dads have been curt and are avoiding you, then it’s worth really considering whether your posts could come across differently to how you intended.

If it was just one person then yeah, but three? That’s odd.

Yeah that’s what I thought. I could believe 1 person could be batshit enough to take offence at nothing but 3 is less likely.
What exactly was said. People don’t generally end up being off with you after you’ve asked if anyone can recommend a decorator ime!

Bit odd for three of the men to suddenly be distant if it was purely the coaches wife. Maybe the three wife’s where unimpressed by something and clubbed together to send the message. One of the husbands might have a big case of mentionitus. I would just go to the club and ignore the lot.

I think she thought it was the coach's wife as that's the one that appears to have now blocked her?

The two other dads don't seem so weird to me - if someone messaged their wifes to say OP was flirty, they could have brought it up with their hubands and the husbands are now trying to not 'look' like anything.

Keep going and act exactly the same - you haven't done anything wrong so why should you change your behaviour? Her insecurities are her problem!

The coaches wife's insecurities - just to be clear! The OP should hold her head high and try not be affected by some jealous woman.

I don't think it's strange at all if the coaches wife is friendly with a couple of the other wives tbh. I've seen enough of this sort of dynamic over the years, especially the behaviour of wives when there is a single woman around to 'steal' their Husband. It would be enough for her to say that you were flirting for the other wives to say to their OH that they weren't to talk to you because you were flirting. OP you haven't done anything wrong other than chat in a friendly manner so please don't let their insecurities affect you or your son. Take him and chat to the parents who didn't blank you and ignore the rest.

Tbf without knowing what was said we don’t know whether what the op said could be considered flirty.