Can you help me work out why I'm upset?

[solittletime]

So we have a rare free Saturday, Nothing scheduled. 3dcs. 11yrs, 8yrs and 2yrs.

OH wakes up and announces that they will take 8yr dc out for the morning and then lunch. At this point I was a bit miffed but thought fine, I'll catch up on some housework then do something nice with the other two.

Then says actually I'll take oldest as well. So suddenly they are all getting ready and going. Implication that I will stay home with 2yr old, no hint of seeing if I want to go as well.

I get a bit passive aggressive and start doing lots of housework while they are getting readt( Ok, not very mature). OH says that's why they need to go out because I'm not fun to be around.
I was fine up to then, just normal morning no dramas.
I'm now at home in tears with my lovely toddler. Wondering if I'm just hormonal and over reacting?

I think I would be miffed too. I would also have questioned why I wasn't being invited.

Can you take your toddler somewhere nice, that you would also either enjoy, or grab a coffee and a magazine while your toddler plays?

Also, I would still want to know why I wasn't invited; if he comes up with the you are not fun rubbish, point out you were perfectly OK until he excluded you.

Try to have a nice morning OP.

Any wise words welcome!

Why didn't you ask / say you would come too?

I will try "Hada" thanks!
Just wondering if being really upset is an over reaction rather than just being a bit annoyed. I felt properly hurt and upset. But also I'm a big believer in people being able to do what they want and don't want to be the person that holds everyone back from enjoying their weekend.

maybe he was going out to get something for you. Just paddle your own canoe.

Take the toddler out later, and be out when they get back.

But atm I'm really fucked off with this kind of hurtful behaviour.

Wips hard to explain, but I know OH very well and it was very much " this is what I'm doing" . I know that he finds it difficult being with all three dcs and values quality time with the older ones as toddler can be quite demanding.

for you OP. Why does your OH get to decide who goes out and who stays home? "Can you not have said ' I have the day off, get a say, and I am coming too/we are all going out"
Your OH sounds unreasonable, you behaving passive aggressively is not communicating though, you need to find your words, sit him down and tell him calmly and plainly that he really upset you, he is not to assume you are free childcare for whichever child he fancies not having, you should decide as a family what is done. Surely it would be nice to all vo out together anyway, but if you'd wanted to OP, you could have been assertive and planned something too?
If he said about you being no fun in front of the kids, then how dare he- it's manipulative and he's showing them you're a second class citizen in your house really, just to make himself look better!
Is he always like this OP? Is this the dynamic of your relationship generally?
Do you think you could have a cup of tea, get yourself and toddler dressed and just go out yourselves and enjoy the day? I bet that would be better than this.

"Oh lovely, we can all pitch in with the jobs and be ready to go in a couple of hours". That chance is gone but what are you going to do for you this afternoon or tomorrow OP?

"I'm going to ex gallery, garden, shopping centre at 11 if anyone wants to join me". And go, whether they do or not.

Your OH comment about you not being fun is nasty in my book! He has taken on the role of doing the fun stuff and left you with the work...

In future maybe you could introduce the idea that you both actually talk about your weekend plans before the weekend and that it isn't up to your dh to dictate what happens.

I’d have been very pissed off to excluded and not in a conversation on any potential plans as a family at the weekend.

I’d be having a chat with him about this , he was an arse to you.

Thanks everyone. Appreciate the feedback.
I'm just going to plan something nice and go out soon. Don't want to dwell on this any longer but just your few comments have given me food for thought.
I'll make sure I have a nice morning out and find calm words for later. Thanks! flowers

flower fail!