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Proud of myself

6 replies

BueyOrangYel · 03/11/2018 01:24

As not to drip feed last year i fled a 7 year DV relationship with my 8 month old and 2.6 year old. I cut ties with all toxic people in my life and fled the town id spent 22 years in. Spent some time in a hostel and still in temporary accomidation. I literally came here with nothing & knew nobody as the small amount of family i am in contact with do not live close by.

Tonight i woke up to men arguing outside the house. After a minute or so i could hear my neighbour crying & its her partner whose shouting at her. This goes on for a few minutes with everyone shouting then all crashing and banging and my neighbour was shouting get off me, let go of me, get out of my house. I absolutely shit myself & thought she was being attacked.

I grabbed my phone and ran next door, her door was wide open & it was her male friend who had hold of her ( he was trying to calm her down amd she was shouting to get her partner out of the house ) and her partner shouting at the door. Her partner left as soon as i came round and it all instantly calmed down then. I tried to calm her down and helped tidy up the room hed smashed.

Looking back now it was obviously dangerous of me to go and try to help but at the same time im so proud of myself

i often worried how id react if i was ever in a situation like this myself or witnessed it ( area is rough ) and its often upset me as ive imagined id of ran away or not been able to help

But after tonight i can see that the old me is still in there, she still shows her face if need be. Im very glad my neighbour is ok and im also very glad that deep down the old me is still in there

7 years of abuse takes its toll on you but after tonight ive realised im stronger than i thought

OP posts:
FastWindow · 03/11/2018 01:26

Flowers been there.

BueyOrangYel · 03/11/2018 01:28

Glad you got yourself out of it FastWindow Flowers

OP posts:
FastWindow · 03/11/2018 01:36

I broke, and woke up, simultaneously. Ran for my life. Luckily, I had somewhere, and people, to run to. It's admitting that you've been being beaten for so long that's the thing. A real climbdown. I was only 23...what a dreadful introduction to relationships that was!

BueyOrangYel · 03/11/2018 01:54

Im glad you had people to help. It was lonely and scary on my own. I was 18 when we got together and 25 when i left.

The only thing that kept pushing me to stick to my guns was remembering my little girl trying to pick me up and saying sorry. She thought it was her fault and that was what woke me up. I coulsnt have her thinking that was normal.

It is hard admitting it, even now im ashamed i "let" it happen even though logically i know it doesnt happen overnight and they grind you down till it slowly becomes normal. It still shames me to think i once let myself get treated so badly.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 03/11/2018 01:56

Of course the old you is in there - she WON!!!

Congratulations. You're extremely brave (but be careful too!)

FastWindow · 03/11/2018 02:13

I was 19 when I was brainwashed. Took me 4 years to wake up. I wasn't myself. The old me, as you put it, reasserted herself and pointed out what I was trying very hard to ignore...

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