Does anyone else always have to be the 'organiser'?

[elliollie]

Ds is in a college production that various family and friends expressed interest in attending.
College has an event brite link where people can go on and book their tickets. I posted the link on fb and tagged in the people who had expressed interest. Cue lots of posts saying, "so how do I book?" "Can you get me two tickets?" "I don't have paypal" etc. These are grown, intelligent adults! If they don't want to come, I don't care, ds doesn't care, be nice if they did but no big deal. Just follow the bloody link and figure it out!!
This is a pattern, for example, someone will suggest a night out and I'll get questions about, "Have you booked the table?" "Have you sorted the taxi?" "What time are we going out?" Etc.
I always seem to be the one who everyone turns to to organise everyone else and it's really beginning to irritate me!!

YES! Literally everything in our home, social life, going out with friends, work dos, the lot!!

Why though? Is it because we're daft enough to do it?

I am in the middle of this situation right now and it’s slowly driving me mad. I’m not a natural leader so I have no idea why it’s all fallen on my head. It’s ridiculous. Especially when it’s something people can Google- “how long will it take to get there?” “how much are the tickets?” Aaargh!!!

I used to do this all the time. I call it facilitating other people's laziness.

I no longer do it because it sucked all the fun out of everything and made me resentful.

Nowadays, I happily say no, suggest they do it themselves etc. Not rudely but just in a way that lets them know I won't be the sucker doing it all.

For absurd questions like "how long will it take to get there?" my response would be "I haven't checked yet, perhaps when you do, you could let me know too" whilst muttering inside my head you lazy imbecile, it probably took you longer to type out the question than look it up on fucking google, which knows the bloody answer to everything!

Me

DH gets all flustered around the dress code at whatever it is we're going to, be it a bbq or a full on awards event (non Brit and feels intimidated by how formal our dressing is apparently, even in a casual situation).I think he feels he'll get it wrong, but yet doesn't make any moves to find out on his own, yet will get pissy if he doesn't get the information . It then falls on me to get the taxis, tickets, find out who's going and if there's anyone he might know, who they are etc. Drives me mad, but I know if I didn't and left it to him, the event would sell out etc and I'll be damned if I'm not going. Friends are the same. I'm the childless one and the others are swamped with kid stuff and seemingly can't or won't make a decision, so I do. You have my sympathy OP!

@MargoLovebutter This is what I've started to do in recent years but people still haven't taken the hint!
The last night out we went on was supposed to be a distance away but I would have had to sort the minibus etc. so I asked that we change it to somewhere close by that we could all make our own way to. I had a chorus of "oh we should have gone to " well, you bloody get off your arse and organise it then!
I refuse to book these tickets and lo and behold, they are actually figuring out a way to do it themselves!!!

Yes, me, it's incredibly irritating. One friend is particular really winds me up asking 700 questions about parking availability, parking costs, how to drive to wherever we're meeting etc - I can't fucking drive so why the fuck would I know any of this?!!!!

Actually I've drifted away from a few friends as I can't be bothered to organise get togethers anymore as it's always me that has to do everything.

Yes. This is me. I have gradually stopped this over the years and now have almost no friends. I woukdnt mind but people have the cheek to whinge, despite not being arsed to do anything themselves. Endless dumbass questions, inability to book anything, inability to get anywhere. My own mother does it to me and then gets passive aggressive about it when I am away with work and unable to deal with stuff, but it hasn't occurred to her to book herself.

I have Aspergers as well so I have ended up in huge panics about organising stuff in the past, trying to please everyone.

Yeah I don't do that shit anymore. It's irritating and I don't really like most people so I'm not pandering to them

“how long will it take to get there?” “how much are the tickets?”
I don't get why grown adults with smartphones and internet act like this.

Yes. Not with friends but with family.

I'll offer to host an event or weekend and sort all that side of things. Then grown adults will ask me about their travel arrangements, where they will stay, not confirm if they're coming and not book anything until the last minute.

I used to get irritated. Now im not responding to it or feeding it, but recently I've heard murmers of 'I'm really worried about Maisy. I dont want to impose on her but can't help feeling she doesn't want us to visit. It's so hard on us and other emotional victim nonsense as if I'm the bad guy for getting them to plan their own journey.

Yes. I organise/host more stuff than the others in my friendship group.

I find it's a trade-off between how much I want to see people versus how resentful I feel at organising it. I'm a sociable person, so often just bite the bullet and organise.

When I don't have time, or it pisses me off too much, I don't just go silent. I will send a mass email saying (e.g.) "Usually we meet up for X during the summer holidays... heads up that I'm not going to organise this year, so somebody else will need to if it's going to happen." Somebody else always has.

People are busy and sometimes you have to lay it out for them.

Are you sure they’re things that other people really want to do?

It sounds awful but the organisers I know are generally the more sociable people who get annoyed when other people don’t organise, but the other people are less sociable and just go along with it a bit to avoid the conflict.

@VelvetReVulva that's a fair point and I think sometimes it's the case but for the most part, I get "so what are we doing for x's birthday?" Or "we've not all got together for ages, are you going to organise a get together?"
I'm going to practise the word "no" I think😂

Yes!!! Me. I'm starting to get really pissed off with it. People want me to organise stuff, because they cba, then they turn into massive pains, give unhelpful suggestions, dick me about then next time get me to do it again.

A few times my friendship group have specifically said they want a night out, I need to organise it. I laughed along, said yes, and did nothing. We haven't been out. I'm not bloody doing it as it's always a pain. I have done a Christmas one and it has done nothing but remind me why I hate doing it and I don't even feel like going anymore.

I'm organising a school thing, that's going to be hard too although I've got the main stuff sorted. But when it comes to the money it's going to drive me mad!

Same at home. I haven't specifically organised or suggested weekend stuff for a long time. We've barely done anything for months because I haven't sorted it. DH just won't do it. Holidays, DIY, house buying, insurances, everything that isn't DH going to work and doing the occasional housework is down to me to sort.

Yep I organise everything, sometimes I don’t mind as I know I can be a bit of a control freak but when it’s for adults you do sometimes feel like screaming ‘ you book it, you google it ! ‘ I organise a family holiday every other year for about 14 of us finding something to suit everyone from a 1 year old to a 66 year old is hard work. This year I’m going to book for us 4 and my niece and if anyone else comes that’s good if they don’t I’m good with that too. I organise days out, spa days , nights away, weekends away bloody everything. Now my boss has started asking me to book his trains and hotels when he is away on business , his wife works 12 hours a week ffs I’m not his PA! Aaah I feel better after that rant just off to organise meeting times for tonight’s bonfire with friends now

Im meant to meet up with mum friends soon as it's been suggested. It won't happen because I'm not arranging it. Even time I arrange the dates changed loads , the venues changed and people pull out last minute. This is why I hardly ever see anyone and that's fine

Tend to agree with Velvet in that the people I know who are like this are much keener on social events, big get-together than I am. I have one friend in particular who, as soon as I have met one, is trying to organise the next event, I find it all a bit exhausting.

"Tend to agree with Velvet in that the people I know who are like this are much keener on social events, big get-together than I am. I have one friend in particular who, as soon as I have met one, is trying to organise the next event, I find it all a bit exhausting."

This is certainly not the case with me. I'm the least sociable one. I'm just very good at organising.

Velvet In my recent example, it was something my friend specifically asked me to do. I wasn’t really bothered about it but thought it might be a nice thing to do with my friend. Never again! She told me what she wanted to do but didn’t bother to look up any information and once even had the cheek to say “I thought I’d leave it all up to you”. Next time she asks to do something, she’s organising it all herself.

Yes I am the organiser. I am very sociable so realise that if I want to see people I have to arrange. I think people tend to either not have the same need as me to be sociable but quite happy to come along if I take care of it or they find me annoying constantly pestering them to come out with me. I have lots of friends so I can spread my inititives a bitI have stopped inviting some people if I feel they never invite back as it makes me resentful and also I am not sure if they actually want to see me.