Wwyd?

[NotSoThinLizzy]

So my grandad is going into palliative care I'm not very close to him he disowned me when I was 16 and changed his will so my mum gets nothing in case I then end up with it. He's basically a dick.....I don't know if I should go to his funeral or just skip it. I'll have to travel 500 odd miles one way just to go. Should I go for closure?

He's basically a dick
Don't bother going

I wouldn't go. I'm not sure you'd get closure. It might reopen wounds.
Why not go to the pub instead and have a shot of something as a toast to his passing (as in, goodbye you old sod) then crack on with an evening of laughter with mates or loved ones.

I would also be going to support my mum I just dunno

Funerals are for the people left behind. If you would get no benefit from going - and might well, as @Gazelda says, find it opens old wounds, then you don’t have to go.

The only thing that might make me change this advice would be if your parent/his child, or your sibling really needed your support on the day - but even then you should care for your own emotional well-being first.

I would only go if my mum wanted me to. I wouldn’t go to save face or to see him off because what’s the point? He’s dead.

I don't want the rest of the family thinking I'm only going to get the last word in so to say. He disowned me because I moved out of my mums at 16. He's sooo sexist it's unreal thinking I'd come running back. He's never met my kids. The last funeral my mum went to was my gran and she didn't cope very well with it became an alcoholic. She's now in recovery for 2 years. I feel like I should be there to help make sure she dosent fall of the wagon.

Mabye I'm thinking to much into it

So it's looking like he won't last until Monday any other points of view?

Support your mum by going. Like others said unfortunately your grandad will be dead, so he won't know. If your other family say anything, say that you're attending to be with your mum, and it's great to see everyone despite the occasion. I guess you don't see them much if you live far away.

In terms of wills people say things, especially if they want to control you. You never really know what they have decided until they pass.

Nah the will is already set in stone as he had a bad period couple of months ago. So mum has a copy of the will.

Go if your mum needs you but don't bother if someone else is going that would support her.

That's going to even tougher for your mum that she wont inherit anything. What a shame.

What do you want to do? If you weren't worried about what other people think.

I didn't get on with my mums Dad. But I went to his funeral because that's what I felt was right. It hurt my Mum that we didn't get on. She couldn't see what a shit he was because she loved him.

Never a nice thing to have to go to.

what has your mum said Lizzy ?
does she want you to go with her ?

I would go if my mum wanted me to. My mum and I faced a similar situation recently and neither of us went in the end.

Why did he disown you?

Id say speak to your mum & see what her thoughts are. She may be expecting you not to consider going or she may appreciate your support. I'd be guided by her

Your mum did not sink into alcoholism because of your gran's funeral.

If she is going to go off the rails again it won't be caused or stopped by your presence at your grandfather's funeral.

Have you been to Al-Anon? Remember: You didn't cause it. You can't cure it. You can't control it.

to me, as others have said this is all about your mum.

if she needs you at her dad's funeral, I would go.

Have you talked to her? Would you be able to have that conversation?

To be honest, in UK at the moment the wait for a funeral is about 3 weeks, so you may still have time to work this out.

Ask your mum if she would like you to be there.