How do you say ‘no’ nicely?

[GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat]

If someone invites you to something that you don’t want to go to, do you always say you have other plans etc or would you ever say ‘I don’t want to’. It feels too rude doesn’t it?

Basically a colleague is inviting everyone to her big birthday party. I said I couldn’t the first time and a few other said yes, some said no, some didn’t answer (WhatsApp group). Now she’s asking again, it’s so awkward! People who don’t want to are scrabbling around for the most feeble of reasons, I wonder why anyone hasn’t just said ‘no thank you, I don’t want to’

Thanks for the invite but I won't be coming as I hate parties

I just say "Sorry, can't make it" and leave it there.

Something like 'thanks for the invitation. I won't be able to make it but I hope you have a lovely time'. I don't think you need to give a reason

Say that you can't make it but hope that everyone has an amazing night. Buy her a coffee and or lunch on her birthday as an alternative perhaps.

Oh , and just to add , I really don't like big gatherings so always mark someone's special news or birthday in other ways so that they don't feel snubbed.

Agree with advice above. I seem to recall Jane Fonda saying that she was in her sixties before she realised that "No" is a full sentence.

You don’t need to give an excuse, just go with “can’t make it”. If they push you say you’ve already got plans. No need to say those plans are watching tv or whatever.

I usually say thank you but its not my cup of tea. Have a good time

It's not really my thing to be honest. But thanks for thinking of me and have a good time.

So sorry, but I can't make it. I hope you all have a great time.

you don't ever have to say why.
You just say no with regret:

Oh so sorry I can't make, it, hope it is a lovely evening.
Depending on the person I might send a small card/gift ahead of time.

I'm of the opinion that saying - it's not my thing, or not my cup of tea is actually quite rude!
Of course you go to have a good time, but you primarily go to a party for the sake of the host, and their likes/dislikes otherwise no-one would ever go to a wedding reception

I say thanks for thinking of me but no thanks.
If pressed, I will say "Its not my thing".

I like that my friends and family are sure enough of each others good intentions , that they can be honest and say no, without feeling badly.

Depends.

A friend invited me to something that I really don’t want to go to I’d say ‘thanks for the invite but really isn’t my scene. Let’s do dinner soon”

A colleague or an acquaintance invites me to something and I just don’t want to go to their thing I’d say ‘sorry can’t make it, have a lovely time”

Something like 'thanks for the invitation. I won't be able to make it but I hope you have a lovely time'. I don't think you need to give a reason

Agree with this. But if you've already said no so you're not one of the ones she's chasing. It's very rude and annoying when you try and plan something and people don't even bother to reply. I'm sure she'd rather not have to follow up.

I'd tell a white lie about having a family birthday/ wedding or can't find childcare for that evening.

Also, hate the whole whattsup invite thing .... really would aussage any guilt I felt for saying no ...

Don’t lie or invent an excuse ... just reply thanks, but no. Problem is that you have to remember the lie if asked about it later ...

I just say - no thanks
If pushed I say either because I have plans (if I do) or I am honest and say because I don't to. If they find it rude, tough really, they shouldn't keep asking.

I'd mute the WhatsApp chat because you've already said no so reminders, arrangements etc dunt apply to you

or I'd put a message in it saying 'like I said, I can't make it, so sorry, have a lovely time blah di blah flannel flannel, I'm leaving this group now cos my phone's going cray' then leave the chat BOOM situation averted

MN staggers me with people not being able to say no.

Just say no.

Could say, "No. It's not my cup of tea".

Means I don't like that kind of thing.

I don't agree with saying you have other plans. That makes it sound like you've already agreed to go to another party, or you and Dh have a restaurant booked. Which is not the case.

Whilst I don't find it hard to say "no", I also agree with PP who said that responding "that's not my cup of tea / not my thing" to a birthday party invitation is fucking rude. She is inviting you to spend time and celebrate with her. The nicest way to say no is to pretend you already have plans.

Amazes me as well Oblomov18. Then some people wonder why they are treated like complete doormats.

I don't agree with saying you have other plans. That makes it sound like you've already agreed to go to another party, or you and Dh have a restaurant booked. Which is not the case.

Surely that's the point!

I do this at work when my colleagues arrange things I’m not keen to join in with.

Thanks for the invite but it’s not my cup of tea, have a great time!, said with a smile of course.