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Original poster

Names for grandma

39 replies

missmartha · 01/11/2018 12:33

My 2 and a half year old grandson calls me mar ma. The intention was that he would call me grandma but was unable to get his tongue around it and so mar ma has persisted.

My son rang me yesterday to tell me that his partner, the child's mother, is very, very upset about this and it has become an issue in their house. She feels it is too similar to mummy and wants it to stop.
Now apart from putting him on the naughty step every time he says it, which I wont do, I'm not sure how to how to handle it.
Actually I'm pretty sure he'll grow out of it in time.

She has texted me to say that he is quite capable of saying grandma/gran and she will keep correcting him until he gets it right.

I don't and wont undernmine his mum, but just feel this is a bit harsh, surely that is the way to undermine his self confidence.
Any ideas?

OP posts:
whiskeysourpuss · 01/11/2018 12:38

Do the adults pronounce it properly around him so that he's hearing the correct pronunciation? If so he'll get it eventually.

Chocolatedigestives1 · 01/11/2018 12:39

Could you just refer to yourself as grandma and hope he catches on? Or when he pronounces it wrong gently correct him?

SoupDragon · 01/11/2018 12:41

Let them get on with it.

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AamdC · 01/11/2018 12:49

Im sure he will get the hang of it eventually ds1 had bow, bows(elbows) ate Epops (lollypops) and his dad had a Pooter (computer) at 2 he pronounces them all correctly now at 12

Original poster
missmartha · 01/11/2018 12:58

I do refer to myself as grandma, he just refers to me as mar ma.
I find it a bit hard on the little one that he's going to be corrected until he complies when he'll almost certainly grow out of it.

Everyone around him prounounces ' grandma' very clearly.

OP posts:
whiskeysourpuss · 01/11/2018 13:03

Then there's not much else you can do & you just can't punish a 2yo for mis pronouncing a word... that's ridiculous.

Also Mar Ma is closer to Mama than mummy so I think your DIL is being a bit over sensitive.

Talcott2007 · 01/11/2018 13:03

Mar-ma and Mummy are not that similar sounding at all!

DH and IL's are French - The French for 'Grandma' is pronounced "Mam-me" which is frankly WAY closer to Mummy so you know what I do understand a little bit where your DIL is coming from because to start with it was kind of jarring to hear my DD calling MIL somthing so close to what I expected to be called if that makes sense? - Because I had always assumed/wanted to be "Mummy" rather than "Maman" (pronounced Ma-moh) but it sort of happened organically - DD switches between calling me Mummy/Maman now and the same with DH with Daddy and Papa so and it frankly not a big deal which can usually work out who she wants! I never would have dreamed of telling MIL she has to change what DD has started to call her. Children choose/bestow special titles of endearment - My cousins eldest for some reason started calling their granddad 'Egg' when they were very small (he is now 22) and he has been called Egg by all the children and most of the adults since! You/They can 'try' and change it but it might not happen!

Bestseller · 01/11/2018 13:05

I don't think you need to correct him, but just repeat it back. "That's right Grandma will get it". "Yes, Grandma's coming".

I think you're being a bit difficult if you think correcting him is harsh. Surely you correct other things he gets wrong?

Original poster
missmartha · 01/11/2018 13:14

Well maybe, that's why I asked the question.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 01/11/2018 13:20

Well, I think they are a bit mad, but probably best to let them get on with it.

Refer to yourself as Grandma, but don't punish him for saying his version.

BlankTimes · 01/11/2018 13:23

She has texted me to say that he is quite capable of saying grandma/gran and she will keep correcting him until he gets it right.

I think you should do this as well.
You already know it's upsetting her, why prolong it?

NorthernRunner · 01/11/2018 13:25

No absolutely no punishment for this. He will get it soon, he is only 2.5! I think mom is being a bit OTT.
My DD calls her grandad Grumps, but up until she was about 3 it sounded like Pumps 😚

ilovepixie · 01/11/2018 13:27

My oldest nephew called his granny Curry as he couldn't say Granny he grew out of it.

Jellyonawonkyplate · 01/11/2018 13:32

She sounds very ott..I'm assuming this is her first child?

My DS (almost 2) refers to my MIL as ma mar as that's how a 2 year old pronounces Grandma. When MIL looks after him overnight or for a full day he will sometimes call her mummy by mistake. Gosh imagine your DIL if that happened Grin

mintyfresh00 · 01/11/2018 13:34

Oh my gosh, what an annoying person the mum sounds 😂😂

MemoryOfSleep · 01/11/2018 13:37

Where I live, grandmothers are often called Mom-mar or Mam-mar. I don't see the problem tbh and think your DiL is being a bit precious.

TheWickedWitchofWestYorkshire · 01/11/2018 13:38

I think it's just one of those things. My eldest called my mum mam-mar, with the emphasis on the 2nd syllable, until they could say Grandma properly. That emphasis made it sound clearly different from the mamamamam that they used to call me. So long as you and everyone else calls you Grandma to your grandson and refers to you as such when talking to him he'll pick it up. There's not a lot else you can do really.

TeddyIsaHe · 01/11/2018 13:38

Crikey, how PFB is the mum being? My grandma (dd’s great grandma) is mar-ma. My mum is granny (ganny) or dd sometimes calls her mama if she forgets who she’s with! He’s two for goodness sake, he knows who his mother is.

I’d just keep going as you are, referring to yourself as Grandma and not making an issue of it at all.

Original poster
missmartha · 01/11/2018 13:43

I am not going to encourage my grandson to call me mar ma, but I wont correct or punish him either.

His mother understands the problem , or should, he doesn't. He will grow out of it. Children do grow out iof things like this as we can see from this thread.
He is also at the moment going through a hard time fitting into his new nursery school, there is a new baby and his parents are constantly on the verge of breaking up. There are problems at home, this is not high on the list it seems to me.
Shouting at the child, and it will involve shouting, seems a hard way to go over this.

OP posts:
ItWentInMyEye · 01/11/2018 13:43

My eldest called my mum Namar and it's stuck! All 3 call her it despite being perfectly able to say grandma. Kids choose what to call someone 🤷🏼‍♀️

wowfudge · 01/11/2018 13:44

It's sweet that he can't pronounce it and says that instead, but why does his mother think that it is down to you and designed to rival her? Speaks volumes about her insecurities rather than anything else.

Pinkprincess1978 · 01/11/2018 13:47

So long as you all pronounce it correctly I'm sure he will eventually catch on. My ds pronounced three family members names in a certain way so we all mimicked it and they caught on. But I know at least two of them love having their own names only my two call them and write those names in cards etc.

I'm sure if we had all persisted is calling them their correct family name then it wouldn't have got past the toddler stage.

BeatriceJoanna · 01/11/2018 13:51

My DGD called me Bagarr for a few months until she could say grandma properly. (Strangely enough my brother used to call our grandmother exactly the same until he was about three). We all just used to say grandma but didn't insist that she changed what she said.

My feeling is that there is no need to correct your grandson as he'll grow out of it soon enough. Getting things a bit wrong is just a stage in language acquisition, isn't it? DGD used to refer to the conservatory as a 'servantry' but she doesn't do that any more, either.

Mummaluelae · 01/11/2018 13:57

My grandmothers were/ are
nanny (paternal)
Nan (maternal)
Granny (mums step mum)
My DPS grandmother was Nana (maternal) and didnt know paternal side.
My DC call my mum grandma, and my mil nanny

NWQM · 01/11/2018 16:48

Does he mispronounce other things?