“Surprise” pregnancy - kind of terrified. How much harder is going from two to three?

[Pinkypurply88]

My partner has a child from a former relationship, who turns 20 this year. (My partner was only 20 himself when his DC1 was born.)

And together we have a five-year-old and a two-year-old. I was taking birth control, so shocked to find myself pregnant. I’m 39 and this wasn’t planned.

I am going to carry on with the pregnancy - after so much soul-searching, but am worried about it.

I don’t like the thought of a 20 (!!!) year age gap between this child and its oldest sibling. Am worried about how my stepson will react.

And I’m also really scared of having three young children. I’ll be 40 by the time the baby is born. It’s early days yet, but... Help! Reassure me! Or just prepare me!

Anyone got an enormous age gap like that? How did you manage it?

And is three (little) kids a lot harder than two?!

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

40 is not especially old to have a baby, especially these days. And why would you be so worried about how your stepson will react when you already have two young children, the youngest of those only two? It's not as if this is your first child together, or as if all your children were much older. Is there such a difference between an 18 year age gap and a 20 year age gap? Realistically I can't imagine that his involvement with the baby will be much different from his involvement with the toddler.

I had ds at 43, gap of 6 years from ds and gap of 25 years from eldest dc!!
He is adored!!
Congratulations op!!

You’re right, ladame! I think it’s because he lived with us when the other DC were born, but moved out on his own a few months ago. I am not sure what kind of relationship they’ll have - maybe I’m just being all hormonal and paranoid

april that’s amazing! SO reassuring to hear your youngest is adored!

I had three boys, with two years between each, and I honestly found it was easier going from two to three than from one to two - you know so many more of the time saving tricks, and you are more relaxed as a parent.

Watching this thread and congrats OP.

I’ve just had my surprise third, my others are six and two, so I can’t comment on the huge age gap but with all the wisdom and experience of three weeks (ha!) I can say that the 2-3 transition has so far been much easier than the 0-1 or 1-2 ones were...

I wouldn't worry! Realistically he'll be busy spreading his wings and developing his own life as a young adult, which is only right and proper - but I'm sure he'll also be devoted to his little siblings and enjoy coming home to see them etc. Meanwhile your three will enjoy all the advantages of having siblings close to them in age, but also of having an older sibling where they can adore him without having to deal with all the inevitable rivalry that comes with smaller age gaps. Sounds like a very promising family set-up to me.

There's over 20 years between me and my half sibling. I've never lived with them. Although she knows I'm her sister, the relationship is probably more of an aunt than a sibling (in comparison to my relationships with my half/step siblings closer to my own age), but she adores my children (born when she was 5&8) and takes her role as aunty very seriously! The relationship will be different than the baby has with the younger children, but I don't imagine it'll be too far off what the oldest has with your 2 year old.

My mum had a baby on my 20th birthday me and my DS share a birthday now I was recently 25 she was 5 lol

I found going from 2 to 3 really easy. Third child slotted in so easily. I have roughly the same age gap as well. Will the 2 year old be at nursery age when the new baby is born?