Antenatal Health Visitor Visit - I'm terrified!

[JammyGem]

I'm 35 weeks pregnant. The HV is coming for a visit this morning and I have no idea what to expect. We tried to get the house looking respectable but it's still a bit of a mess and the nursery room is no way near ready. I've been struggling with SPD and DH works long hours so we've only been able to do a bit at a time. We both have tomorrow and Thursday off work so were planning to get everything sorted then but obviously that's too late for the HV!
Is she going to check everything in the house? I suffer from severe depression and anxiety (currently in counselling) so my first thought is that they're going to see how messy and unsuitable we are and then arrange for baby to be taken away. Is this just my anxiety talking? Can they do this? I know I'm messy but we're not unclean and I'd never do anything to harm our baby. We have a cat too- she's my absolute world - but will they recommend we get rid of her? I'm just so on edge.

I tried doing more housework this morning but am in agony from pushing myself too much. Please could someone reassure me about what Health Visitors do in their antenatal visits?

The HV won’t judge your house or even really look at anything in it. It’s just a visit to introduce him/herself so you know them before the baby arrives and see if there is any support to put in place.

They won’t plan to take your baby away for a msssy house. Offer them a cup of tea and have a chat. I know it’s hard but don’t worry.

Don’t worry so much. Sit down. Rest. Most HV are dicks and you don’t have to listen to them. But you might get a nice one.
They will not leave the living room. It’s not an inspection. It’s a chat only to make sure you have thought I’ve everything for when you come out of hospital. Maybe a chat about cot death and not giving solids yet.

There is really no need to worry. The baby will sleep in your room to begin with anyway won't they, so nursery not being ready won't be an issue for at least a few months. A bit of mess won't be a problem at all. If you have rotting food and uncapped needles laying around, that would be a problem.

They won’t inspect your house, she will probably give you a long lecture about breastfeeding, safe sleeping and then try and diagnose PND even though your baby isn’t here yet!

You might get lucky and find she’s lovely but IME it’ll go as I’ve described.

At 35 weeks I was living in a building site literally

They are just there to show their face and give you some info

I met my HV in the doctor’s surgery for the antenatal appointment- so it has nothing to do with her checking out your house. She also said at the postnatal visit that she worries more about mums with perfectly clean houses! Your health and your baby’s wellbeing are infinitely more important than whether your house is messy. Hope she’s nice and friendly and puts your mind at ease.

The HV just popped in, said hello, asked how I was feeling about birth, if I planned to breastfeed etc. Good opportunity to talk about depression because she might be able to tell you about support you can access post natally. When she came after baby was born I was worried as house was distinctly messy... but she didn’t bat an eyelid and just said that the only thing they worry about is dirty nappies all over the place.

She’s not coming to inspect you or your house. It’s just an introduction before they see you again after the birth.

They won't inspect your house, it's more just to meet you, also to get an idea of your general well-being and support network so they can keep an eye out for PND etc. They will probably ask you where you intend the baby to sleep and also may ask about how you intend to feed the baby. I was really worried before mine but my HV was lovely.

Don't worry, she won't care at all about an untidy house.
With DC1 we were in the middle of a major DIY project. HV literally had to step over rubble to get to the front room.
With DC2 I went into the front room 5 minutes before HV was expected to find the cat had dragged a bird in and left a trail of blood throughout the downstairs. It looked terrible. I've never cleaned so fast in my life

@JammyGem take a breath and have a cuppa. She will be coming to introduce herself, as other posters have said, and make sure you are aware of the support available once baby arrives. Unless the house is literally dangerous (which it isn’t) she won’t care, and she certainly won’t be asking for a tour! Please try to address this anxiety now, as when baby arrives the likelihood is the house will get worse, and you won’t be in a position to do much about it! I greeted our HV and midwives in my PJs and with a pile of laundry on the sofa, and they didn’t bat an eyelid.

As a social worker once told me about messy houses - piles of laundry mean washing is getting done and the kids will have clean clothes, toys everywhere mean they have something to play with, a messy kitchen means food is being cooked.

Don't worry! I'm 39 weeks and was worried about it too, because I had social services involved earlier on (because of my past, not anything ongoing) and the HV didn't even mention it. Just gave me breastfeeding info and a chat about what groups etc are available. I was worried she wouldn't approve of my little dog but she loved her! It's just to say hi and let you know what's there.

Really no need to worry. They don’t care about mess. Also the baby is supposed to sleep in your room, my baby is 4 weeks old and we don’t have a nursery, never understood why people get so stressed about them before the baby is even here!

I didn't have the best experience of HV. IMO there was a lot of fussing over developmental details with some rather unconvincing "but it's nothing to worry about...BUT we'll monitor/check back on/etc..."

But you can chill.

Even at it's worst, it was a load of hot air about nothing; and you can always tell them to take a hike if they get on your nerves. When we did want some help (breastfeeding) they did little other than parrot the top results from a google search.

Not to sound glib, but to whatever extent you can, push the anxiety to the back seat. On the list of things to get het up about, this falls just under your inability to speak Klingon.

Please don’t worry OP.

I used to work with health visitors and was present at a lot of antenatal visits and they are nothing to worry about.

The government is trying to improve the level of care in the younger years and they are trying to introduce antenatal appointments all over the country although only some counties are currently doing it.

The HV will not look around your home at all!!! She will sit on the sofa, have a chat and then leave.

It’s basically just to fill in some paperwork, get ty family details, talk to you about some aspects of having a baby and just to introduce herself so that you know her face ready for when she takes over the care of the midwives.

It really, really isn’t anything to worry about.

As a social worker once told me about messy houses - piles of laundry mean washing is getting done and the kids will have clean clothes, toys everywhere mean they have something to play with, a messy kitchen means food is being cooked.

Absolutely!!

When we carried out post birth visits the HV would tell me that it’s the spotless and organised houses that make her worry, not the ‘lived in’ ones.

Completely agree with what this poster said and the HV team will have those trains of thought too.

I had an antenatal HV visit in my second pregnancy because I had severe PND after my first baby. It was a really positive experience. The HV was lovely and was just there to offer support should I need it. In fact, I'm so lucky to to have had the HVs that I did. They were wonderfully supportive and I honestly don't know what would have happened to me without them. You'll be fine, OP. They're really not looking at how tidy your house is. Good luck!

Thank you everyone. You're all right, I got myself worked up over nothing. She just came and sat on the sofa for a chat and went through local services etc.
I don't know why I always have to think the worst.

Don’t beat yourself up about it OP, it’s a bit of a scary new world having kids - you don’t get a lot of preparation for what to expect! Have you got plenty of support in place for when your baby arrives? Just in case your anxieties flare up - unexpected things can be a trigger, and it’s important that you have things in place now so you’re not struggling to find help with a new baby to look after!

I'm glad it went well @JammyGem, my HV is amazing! I love having her pop round.

You mention that you get quite anxious, I do too and my HV recognised this when my last dc was born and has been a huge support.

With this pregnancy I made my midwife aware and I'm getting extra help in terms of mental health support and groups being made available. If you feel you're being overwhelmed by stuff that shouldn't get a second thought you could ask for help too. No one ever said I was a bad Mum for worrying too much and trying my best.

Seconding @QueenofmyPrinces - I worked with a HV who said it was the very clean, organised houses that made her worry more than the messy ones.

Starting to think I had a weird HV then - she actually asked to inspect where the baby would be sleeping!

She then made a note that "parents using unsafe sleeping device" because we had a Sleepyhead 

We’d been broken into the night before our health visitor appointment, so not only were we very untidy I had police officers and CSI in attendance.

well done op,now can can relax