About a year and a half ago my DH took a job that he hated, it made him miserable, he was crying at the thought of going to work- he quit after 3 months, left his notice on his desk and never returned. During this time I'd noticed that he'd lost weight (not a huge amount, not enough for me to say he was looking unhealthy or anything like that). He was unemployed for a bit and I work from home 2 days a week so we were always together - it was then I noticed just the sheer volume he was eating, and yet, he was losing/not gaining any weight - I mean he would eat serious amounts of food, like 6 packets of crisps one after the other, 2 dinners, snacks would consist of sandwiches followed by 2 packets of crisps, chocolate etc... then I noticed that he'd be sick, at first I put this down to the volume of food - but this continued for quite sometime even after regular meals. I noticed it'd gotten so severe that there was now stains from where he'd been sick on the en suite wall.
I asked him about this - in a very sensitive way, I asked him if he was making himself sick and he said quite matter of fact "sometimes I do" when i probed him further on this asking him if he feels like this is something he's not in control of he said that he didn't feel it was a problem, he felt it was an outlet to help him through a time where he was struggling - (I can't begin to understand that). Then It stopped, or so I thought it did. He got a new job and was pretty much back to himself.
Recently, I've noticed this again obviously not as frequently, partly because he's no longer in the house with me all the time and also because he wants to hide it from me. He'll go to work with lunch he makes the night before but he'll come home and immediately want to eat crisps or a sandwich before dinner, I think is because he's so hungry as he's thrown his lunch up - I don't know this for definite, it's just a gut feeling.
On Friday we had the rare opportunity to go for dinner and a few drinks in town, after dinner sitting in a bar I went to order drinks, he disappeared to the loo. He was gone for about 10 minutes - when he came back to the table I could smell vomit from him - I asked him if he was sick and he said no, so I left it there. Tonight, we had quite a hefty dinner. I was in the bedroom and he went to use the family bathroom rather than the en suite, shut the door tight, ran water, but i could hear him gagging from where he was making himself sick. I chose to say nothing again, because if I ever do mention this he refuses to admit he's doing it. In the past when he has admitted it he's refused to label it as bulimia or admit it's a serious issue he needs to get help with. I'm lying in bed just now and he's gone down to the kitchen to eat.
I'm just at my wits end with it, I'm so worried for him - I can't stop thinking about him and I feel so powerless to help him. He refuses to admit what's going on. He will point blank refuse to admit that he's bulimic, it's so apparent to me and I think he knows himself that he is - he goes to lengths to hide it from me. I don't know how to help him. He isn't like seriously worryingly thin, in fact his body shape it very much as it should be - it's the mental impact of this, it's clear to me he's very unwell and he won't accept my help. What can I do? how can I make him see sense?
I'm sorry for the massive post, parts of it probably don't even make sense, this is the first time I've ever spoken of this to anyone so it's all just come pouring out.