No one ever asks us to do anything

[DylanFr]

I've noticed recently, that I seem to be the one who constantly asks my friends if they want to meet up. It's a real rarity that someone asks me first.

I don't think (hope) it's because I'm unlikeable as friends say yes and we have a great time, but it's just starting to irritate me that I don't ever seem to be asked first.

I get that people have busy lives, I have a busy life, but I've concluded that I'm just not really considered or thought about. If I stopped making the effort, I'm not sure I would ever see anyone!

Does anyone else find this?

To be honest I had the same thing with my old best friends. In the end I just stopped trying because I was tried of always being the one who did the chasing and I felt like I was being taken for granted for.

I spent more time by myself and doing things that I wanted to do- like eating out, going to the cinema, or for a massage and I slowly got to know new people.

Yes it's the same with me. Basically if I want to meet up with any of my friends (bar one), I have to contact them.

What confuses me is what are they doing for a social life? Do they only go out if someone else invites them? Or do they invite others but not me because they like them more than me? Like you, when we do get together, we have a great time, so it's a mystery to me.

Yup, me too. I’m always asking and organising but it doesn’t seem to be reciprocated.

I have one friend. She's a non drinker. I would go to the cinema with her but her and hubby are film buffs so it's their thing.
So, ive started meeting my mum for dinner and cocktails. We've done it once, I'd love to do it monthly. But, I've a bad feeling she won't arrange it.
I arranged it last time.
So that'll probably go.

I know what you mean. I think it’s down to one of the following (or a combination):

1. They have another group of friends where someone else does all the organising so it’s easier to go along with that.

1. They don’t actually go out that much.

1. They have enough friends to chase them for various events.

1. They do most things with either a partner or just one close friend.

I have about 5-6 peripheral friendship groups. It’s pretty exhausting trying to arrange get togethers. DH has the same problem. So we mostly just amuse ourselves.

DH and I are both total non-arrangers. We do like socialising, have friends and enjoy seeing them, but given the choice mostly enjoy doing our own thing with the dc.

If we have something we'd like to do, it wouldn't usually occur to us to ask others to join us as we enjoy spending time just us. I realise that sound ls antisocial but A. We don't have a lot of disposable income so this is often precious time for us and B. I think we both just find it easier and more relaxing just being us - we both find being sociable a bit tiring I think even though we do love our friends!

That said, when we are invited to things, we usually accept if we can and do enjoy it when we are there. I think some people just don't naturally seek social interaction as much as others?

For me, there is also an element of worrying about rejection or the pressure that comes with being an organiser. On the rare occasion that I do organise something, I have real anxiety that people won't have a good time and that that is somehow a reflection on me.