Preparing to see ill Mum in hospital

[CherryBlossom23]

Sorry, posting here for traffic.

My mum was recently taken seriously ill while on holiday overseas and has been in hospital in a foreign country for the last 3 weeks. Her insurance are sorting out an air ambulance to get her home, we are hoping this will happen next week. Once she is in a hospital closer to her home I will be travelling to see her (she is not based in the UK).

I know this is totally selfish but I'm worried that she won't look like my mum when i finally see her. I have been talking on the phone to her every day and she sounds like herself but I'm sure she will have lost some weight and she is still quite weak so won't be able for long visits. She has an autoimmune illness so isn't a stranger to hospital but she is the type of person who will always do her makeup and try to look as well as you can, even when in hospital. I doubt she will be up to that now. Her doctors expect her to make a full recovery, which is great, but warned it could take 3-4 months to regain strength and mobility. Right now she needs help to walk to the bathroom.

I'm worried about how I will mentally cope with the difference in her and her physical abilities over the next few months. I have been so worried about her the last few weeks I feel like I'm almost at breaking point already. Any tips from anyone who has been through similar would be great.

Bump

Handhold from me,

I can only imagine what it is like, the worry, all the practical stuff and the emotional stuff gets shoved down.

Let it out on here, others will also hold your hand too as I am doing virtually when she reaches the hospital closer to her home,

How about checking to see if they have a hairdresser salon in the hospital. My local hospital does. They have a small salon tucked in the middle of the hospital where you wouldn't expect it and has the overhead dryers and magazines etc.

How is she eating at the moment, is she eating at all? Could encourage with finger sandwiches or cut out in shapes, french pastries (as long as not diabetic related), pots of custard, yoghurt, jelly. This will help build up and keep energy levels right.

It will be hard to see her frail, think of her as a shell, the outside is slightly weather-beaten (sorry not a good analogy) but the inside is just the same as it was.

Re long visits as you know she wont be fit, how about chatting for a couple of minutes when you come in, eg 5 mins and then spend the rest of the visiting hour just holding her hand, telling her how you love her and take the time to breathe together or listening to some music on earphones, bring a splitter so you can both listen

When you are there could you consider together changing her make up routine a bit so if she agreed, so she gets the same effect but without the effort. S&B is great for this. so if she uses a foundation now, could change to facial tinted moisturizer. Lipstick - long day wear etc as it would mean she could get a boost from this.

I know the being too frail to walk to the toilet, at this moment to my left just over a metre away is a commode so I totally get how it is.

(((hugs to you both)))

Oh thank you so much smurfy, some great tips there. Yes she is able to eat (and complain to me when the food isn't good ) so that's not too much of a worry. Of course I have no way of knowning how good her appetite really is but she is definitely eating okayish I would say. I think being mostly stuck in one room isn't helping her appetite though. She knows she needs to keep her strength up so she will have an Ensure and fruit if a lunch or dinner is totally unpalatable on a given day.

Good that she is able to complain anyhow if was bringing in food to her go for basic nursery food, its to get her appetite going. If they have prescribed Ensure every effort to keep her strength up alongside it.

The being in one room bit can be lonely, can you find out is there a day room on the ward that she could go into? Does she have credit for a TV/phone system in the room. (some hospitals have this some don't)

Do you know what her favourite music is? As may not have wifi, I am not going to suggest a Spotify list or similar but a mix CD which can be played on something like a portable DVD player. That means if needs PAT testing in the hospital when she arrives it is one item that can be done. Some players will play DVDs, from a USB stick and CDs so are like a full entertainment unit in a small package.

I've transferred DVDs (from pound shop supply) - mainly comedy to be light, into a soft case so just the DVDs in the pack. Makes it easy to pack up, a USB stick of copies of photos which can be set on rotation, so she feels all her family are close to her.

As you are expecting her to be frail, do you know is she using a rollator or a zimmer frame. To help carry things, if it's a Zimmer, I would advise a net basket which attaches to the front of it but it holds all the bits and bobs we all like to move around.

If she is on bed rest when you get there, consider some hand/foot lotions, face masks etc. My mum when she was severely ill she loved hand and foot massages. Touch brought her comfort and helped the connection between us.

Between visits, take downtime for yourself, deep breathes, fresh air, relax and take the best care of yourself.

This is hard and of course and be very easy on yourself.

She is using a Zimmer frame at the moment I believe, until she regains mobility. Moving around is a bit tricky as it's a lung issue that's affecting her so she is on 24/7 oxygen at the mo, just a low dose when in bed but obviously has to be increased if she is moving about. That's also why she has so little energy at the moment. She will be in a private hospital when she gets home and will have a TV/computer combo thing in her room so that will be good, and also her iPad that she connects to the WiFi.

I am going to bring her some books and magazines too and yes, I was planning on bringing some body and hand creams for her, she loves those.

I really think (hope) she will improve more when she gets back, I think she is finding being in a foreign hospital more difficult than being sick at the moment, if that makes sense.

Totally, she is away from everything and everyone she knows in the foreign hospital and not having the number of visitors she might if close by.

Dealing with professionals who she isn't used to and who may not know her condition well and how it impacts on her, along with the autoimmune condition as well which may get a lot of questions and it can be exhausting answering them as well as possible.

When I end up in a different hospital than my usual, it's always a siege of questions about my conditions and as I have 2 very rare ones and another 5 "regular" ones.

Still holding your hand

Oh love. Shell be so pleased to see you. If she's anything like my 2 x Dd's and me, she'll be hurting to see you.
I hope that you don't get too much of a shock.
Hope all goes well.